UF brat, MollyUF - ANXIOUSLY awaiting your rush updates!!

[carnation]

Bump for 2013! People need to read this as both a cautionary tale and the story of a woman who found her home.

PNMs, please note how easy it is to get someone mad.

[G8Ralphaxi]

Molly, don't feel guilty about not liking certain houses. There is ZERO point in joining a house you won't feel comfortable in. I've been in your position and I can tell you that sometimes it's better to be independent than be in certain houses, depending on what you're looking for.

UF is a very status-oriented campus - both politically and socially. If you're not in the right house you will have trouble getting involved on campus and will automatically be judged. It's a lot to deal with. And let's be honest, the social part is part of why being Greek is so fun. Sisterhood is #1 of course, but if your house is not invited to things and you have trouble filling your social calendar, it wears on you and eventually the rest of the experience can be dulled. UF is not like a lot of campuses where every house is fine or some are super elite and some are just fine. UF's sororities are all pretty "elite" with a small handful that are just viewed as "weak."

Regarding Chi O, I am truly sorry. I thought I would fit in there really well too - I knew 4 sisters really well from high school and just loved the house. It was devastating to be dropped. And I know someone here mentioned COB - but Chi O doesn't ever rush in the spring or bother with COB. Sorry to be so blunt, but I always think it's better to know than get false hopes.

BUT REGARDING KAPPA - I HOPE YOU MAKE IT! They're great. I know that sometimes they don't come across as "sparkly" during rush, but trust me, they are really sweet girls. The reason you may have been more impressed with Chi O is because almost all their girls are REALLY outgoing (almost to the point of "ok, enough caffeine for you!" haha) but Kappa's sisterhood is just as strong. They just have more laid back girls. But they are all down to earth, real people, which is important. Some of the sororities at UF have a great "reputation" and are viewed as "creme de la creme" but unfortunately have problems with sisters being bitchy and fake. That isn't the case with Kappa.

Best of luck with everything. Things will work out for you.
Go Gators!

G8Ralphaxi

[LeslieAGD]

Molly,

I totally understand how you feel...there is a difference between giving a chance to an organization you are if-y about and joining an organization you don't like just to join. If you really can't see youself as a sister and you don't think your feelings will change, don't do it. Hopefully, you'll be opening your Bid Card to Kappa, and this won't be an issue! Good Luck, stay strong, and - Kappa or no Kappa - we still want to see you around GC!

[carnation]

Molly,

I hear ya. Although this isn't practiced as much now, back in the seventies and eighties it was standard practice to constantly tell the rushees that all girls could be happy in any of the sororities. I knew that with one sorority at our campus being new and 2 being what you'd call "very troubled", that wouldn't go over with the rushees.

Sure enough, my boss had an emergency Caesarean the day before rush and the night the girls signed bids... she called and made me tell everyone in the auditorium that they should list all their choices because "everyone could be happy anywhere". I knew better; I'd been in the room when the girls got their invitations back and having had to comfort dozens of hysterical girls, it was obvious that it wasn't true. The rushes obviously wanted to stone me as I dutifully spouted my prepared speech.

I know we all need to encourage rushees to widen their sights as much as possible and not go into rush with their sights set on 1, 2, or 3 sororities. Heaven knows I've been trying to do that on GC. But...a woman knows what her limits are, especially after a week of parties so you need to follow your heart!

I do want to caution rushees at big Southern universities, though: your formal rush as a freshman may (note the MAY) be your only chance at going Greek or at least joining a sorority that may not be your first choice but you can get along with. All of us from those type schools have seen girls who were displeased with their returns and dropped out early, hoping to get a bid in open rush or try it again next year. Ladies, your choices will almost never get wider your sophomore or junior year, since at the big, picky schools, the preference is almost always for freshmen. I know very few women who scored their "dream" sorority the next year and all of those had managed to get highly involved in competitive activities that the sororities wanted members in. Furthermore, the selective sororities rarely have openings during the year.

I'm not trying to be a party pooper but I want PNMs to look at rush realistically! And all you sorority members from Northern schools, thank your lucky stars!

[TechAPhi]

Carnation: You are right on the money. I couldn't agree with you more.

One thing I would like to add is this. Potential new members who get their second or third choice, while disappointed, often look upon it as a chance to be a part of a group in transition, take on important leadership roles, or to help build a bigger, better chapter. YOU might be just what these groups need to turn the corner!

In addition, once out of college most people find that the greater sisterhood transcends ABC sorority's reputation at XYZ University. I know this is certainly true for two of the smaller houses on my campus: they are in rebuilding periods here at Texas Tech, but they have outstanding national reputations. College is only four years, but sisterhood is lifelong. Those women who are members of these smaller groups are members of fantastic national groups--something they can be truly proud of for the rest of their lives.

That being said, I do not believe that any woman should join a sorority she does not like, does not believe in, or does not respect. To do so would do both the potential new member and the would-be sorority a disservice.

Just my 2 cents...

Jen

[amycat412]

Molly,

I completely understand and support your decision not to join one of the weaker houses you prefffed. The Greek system at my alma mater sounds a great deal like UFs even though we are in California. Being a member of a weaker house was disastrous to the social lives of the women in them at my school. They simply didn't have the opportunities stronger houses, or even non-Greeks, did. And I know this is not a popular opinion here on GC--but it is TRUE. Some schools entire social strata depends on what house you are in. And you ARE judged if you are in what is defined as the "wrong" house.

Yes, sisterhood is for a lifetime and college is just for 4 years, but, as a sophomore, you know the climate of the campus and know what is best for you. And having been on a campus with a similar climate myself, I understand your motivations and support them.

I hope Kappa comes through for you as that sounds like it could be wonderful! But know that if Kappa does not, you wil lhave a marvelous remaining 3 years with or without a sorority!

Good luck!
Amy

[shadokat]

I hear what a lot of you are saying about joining a "weaker" house. When I went through recruitment, I preffed at three houses. My first choice was what you might call a "weaker" sorority, and it's where I am a sister. I didn't give a crap if it was weaker, or if guys looked at me differently...it was truly where I felt I belonged, and still does today.

I understand that Molly's situation and mine aren't the same...I'm was at a small state school in PA, she's at a huge school in FL. But someone posted that you may become a member of a group thought of as "weaker", and you may be a catalyst in it becoming a "strong" group. That, more than anything, is something to think about. If you truly don't like a group, I agree, don't join. It's disrespectful to the sisterhood and yourself. But think about the decision long and hard before you go burning bridges.

[canadajen]

OK, by my estimations, the lovely ladies at UF should have opened their bid cards a few hours ago, & should by now (HOPEFULLY, HOPEFULLY) **with fingers & toes crossed** be out celebrating with their new sisters!! I keep coming back on here to check for updates (it's a good thing that I'm on the AOL plan!!)

I sincerely hope that everything has worked out for them & that MollyUF is now a proud Kappa pledge & UF girl opened her bid card & found Phi Mu there ... as always, the suspense is KILLING me - I ALMOST feel as though I am going through rush again )

Excuse my ramblings ... just my thoughts as I sit her & wish these ladies the best.

- Jen (the impatient)

[dzsaigirl]

The school I transferred from had a similar situation with one chapter that it was "not appropriate" to join. My roommate went through rush and when she only got invited to their pref, she dropped. Then they called to snap bid her and she declined. I felt really bad (I was not in rush...waited until I transferred) because I knew some girls from that particular sorority and they were very sweet and soooooo loved their chapter and wanted to be good (they have a good national), but they KNEW that they were only going to get a few girls and that those would likely drop out of embarassment. It sucks that those sort of things happen to chapters that have totally quality girls, but just low numbers and maybe a "nerdy" or other stereotype. That chapter ended up closing and the sisters were crushed...they fought so hard for what hey loved. I so respected those girls who tried with all their might!

My chapter is extremely strong and I can't even imagine what it would be like to only see a small group of unexcited girls running over to you after you have worked SOOOOOOO hard during rush.

I visited the SK website for the UF chapter and they looked cute and fun. They look totally normal! I hope that what you saw is inaccurate and that they were successful. And if any of the girls from GC ended up at one of their alternate choices for bid day, I hope they will give it a shot.

Please ladies, wherever you ended up, even if you didn't accept a bid, let us know. We are here for you. Lots of us have been Rho Chi's before, and we have dealt with lots of stuff. That's it, we are online Rho Chi's! Maybe some of us past PX should start a recruitment counseling thread and be cyber-rho-chi's?????

[TechAPhi]

Wow! I had now idea that was the situation at UF. I have a much better idea of where Molly is coming from now. Thanks to all those who helped clarify the situation for me.

I am coming from a much different campus, where all the groups (minus a few small ones) are very strong. The scene is obviously vastly different from UF.

Molly: again, I wish you nothing but the best and pray Kappa will come through for you.

Jen

[carnation]

Oh heavens. I'd forgotten about that scene, been away too long. The "much weaker" sororities waiting for their pledges outside and you can tell they're not excited--the sorority next door to us at Auburn took 16 my senior year when quota was 40 and several flunked out. Two sororities at Arkansas and three at Miss. State, just waiting stolidly with no smiles, forcing them when their tiny pledge classes walked up.

And I say "walked up" because rarely are the pledges of the extremely weak (note I'm not saying small, medium, or younger; there's a huge difference between those groups and troubled ones) sororities running up in delirious joy. It's worst when those groups are sandwiched between huge and/or very successful groups and they have to watch everybody else celebrating.

I hate it, it's depressing. I want all the groups to be happy and successful and I want all the PNMs to be happy too. I'd like to hear how other campuses address parity and quota and so forth.

[LeslieAGD]

I know, we have a local on our campus which used to be the strongest house on campus but has dwindled over the last few years to only a handful of sisters. Our whole Greek Community is very supportive of them but sometimes we get sick of hearing "poor little ABC sorority." It's kind of a catch 22...you feel bad, but what can you really do?

[AOPIHottie]

Molly,
Reading your Chi O experience made me want to cry, I am so saddened by that. But I am glad that as much as you loved Chi O, you were able to open your heart to Kappa. And hopefully that will be your new home. And please, know that we all here are thinking about you, and hope that you will find Kappa on your bid card. But I am really glad that you aren't willing to "just go anywhere", that you have enough respect for the Greek system to know where you wouldnt be happy. And I admire that. Good luck, and we look forward to hearing from you tomorrow!!!!

[dzsaigirl]

Perhaps she is so busy with her bid day activities that she has no time for GC right now.....I sure hope so!

[AOPIHottie]

I hope so too!!!!