Discipline: Spanking - Page 4

KSUViolet06 · #1 06-26-2010, 09:34 PM

There are sometimes situations where you can't just go home or leave. Example: you cannot get a sitter every single time you need to leave the house to run an errand, like go to the store and get milk.

I think that automatically leaving a situation when a kid misbehaves can lead them to think that THEY make the decisions about where mom and dad go.

Like, a 5-year-old is more than capable of realizing that "if i don't want to be in the grocery store right now, all I have to do is act up, and then we get to leave."

DrPhil · #2 06-26-2010, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

There are sometimes situations where you can't just go home or leave. Example: you cannot get a sitter every single time you need to leave the house to run an errand, like go to the store and get milk.

I think that automatically leaving a situation when a kid misbehaves can lead them to think that THEY make the decisions about where mom and dad go.

Like, a 5-year-old is more than capable of realizing that "if i don't want to be in the grocery store right now, all I have to do is act up, and then we get to leave."

Yep and I know kids (including some teens) who act like fools when they don't want to be someplace. That's the best time to find a way to discipline them so they learn that they aren't in charge.

Drolefille · #3 06-26-2010, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I think that automatically leaving a situation when a kid misbehaves can lead them to think that THEY make the decisions about where mom and dad go.

Like, a 5-year-old is more than capable of realizing that "if i don't want to be in the grocery store right now, all I have to do is act up, and then we get to leave."

I agree, but I think it depends on the context of the kid misbehaving. In my experience, kid usually wants to be at the store or the restaurant so leaving is a reasonable response if possible, and is more of a punishment than caving to the tantrum. I know people who order their food and to go boxes at the same time, so if kid(s) pitches a fit, they pack up and go.

Just like spanking's not always the answer, the pick up and leave isn't either, but I think both can be in a parent's tool box.

SusySorostitute · #4 06-27-2010, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I agree, but I think it depends on the context of the kid misbehaving. In my experience, kid usually wants to be at the store or the restaurant so leaving is a reasonable response if possible, and is more of a punishment than caving to the tantrum. I know people who order their food and to go boxes at the same time, so if kid(s) pitches a fit, they pack up and go.

Just like spanking's not always the answer, the pick up and leave isn't either, but I think both can be in a parent's tool box.

Did your parents only take you to Toys R Us? I don't know too many kids who are keen on stores, getting dragged around on errands is like the prime time to act up.

Drolefille · #5 06-27-2010, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SusySorostitute

Did your parents only take you to Toys R Us? I don't know too many kids who are keen on stores, getting dragged around on errands is like the prime time to act up.

No, most of the time I've seen the kid wants a toy or a treat, often from the check out line. S/he's not trying to get out of shopping, but trying to get mommy or daddy to give in on the candy. Hence removal from the store is effective.

SusySorostitute · #6 06-27-2010, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drolefille

No, most of the time I've seen the kid wants a toy or a treat, often from the check out line. S/he's not trying to get out of shopping, but trying to get mommy or daddy to give in on the candy. Hence removal from the store is effective.

If they're in the check out line lets hope they will be leaving soon anyways!

IrishLake · #7 06-26-2010, 11:21 PM

You come to my church tomorrow at 10am, and you will see 2 of the most well behaved kids under the age of 5 in a church-ever. Not lying, and a little bit bragging, we get complimented nearly every week from other church members sitting around us about how good our children are. I make sure to tell them how proud I am of them for being so good, especially when we see other kids around us acting up. Why are they this good? Two reasons: we reward for good behavior, and we punish for bad behavior. They know if they are good in church, they MIGHT get something special at home, like a donut. They know if they are bad, they will not get a donut for sure, they will likely lose a privledge to something else, and if it's really bad, a spank will be involved. I swat maybe once or twice a month, and I can count how many times I have fulled blown spanked my children. And you better believe that after some crying, I am in their room with them, soothing and discussing why there was a spank involved, and not a usual punishment, like taking toys away until they're earned back. It is a direct result of a severely improper action, they were warned, and made a choice to ignore the warning. As a result, my kids are learning that there is a consequence to every action, and they are learning to think things through beforehand. It is NEVER a result of my impatience or anger. (I leave the room and count to 10 or 20 pretty dang often...patience is not one of my virtues). Oh... and in the same light, we do not reward to the point where our kids expect it every time. It gets close sometimes, and we have to back off the rewarding for good behavior. I know plenty of kids (tball team comes to mind) that won't do anythign without a bribe from mommy.

I'm sorry to hear some people resent their parents for spanking, but I sure don't resent mine, nor my grandparents (my German grandma was the one who yielded the kockloffel ...all she had to do was wave it in our direction, and every single grandkid sat down and shut up, lol... and then we got thumbprint cookies). I know the times I was spanked it was deserved, and I'm certainly not "more violent" as a result. Lucky for us parents we get to make the rules, and not our kids.

It's funny... because all the kids I knew growing up who were aggressive or considered bullies... were the kids whose parents thought they were special wittle snowflakes that pissed rainbows and farted apple pie and those parents would never ever DARE to discipline their child with a spank. Those were the kids that needed it most.

KSUViolet06 · #8 06-26-2010, 11:36 PM

LOL @ more violent.

Everytime I got a spanking (which was maybe 10 times in my entire childhood), I knew I deserved it. Example: when we got the bright idea to spray passing cars with our Supersoakers. Um, we could've caused a pretty bad accident and/or gotten someone hurt. We are very lucky that the worst of our problems was a whack with the wooden spoon.

Anyway, I have taught Sunday school before and I can tell you that the worst, most bratty children who hit other kids are the ones whose parents think the sun shines out of their behinds and would never so much as look at their children harshly, much less spank them.

Drolefille · #9 06-27-2010, 11:53 AM

I'm pro-spanking mostly in the sense that I don't think it should be against the law, and I think there are times when it is the most effective and fastest way to ingrain "DANGER" into a kids head.

A swat on the hand when the kid keeps reaching for the stove. A spanking because the kid was riding the bike in the street, etc. But, my dad spanked me in anger, and that I just cannot be ok with. (I don't resent him or fear him or anything for it, I just won't make the same decisions)

SWTXBelle · #10 06-27-2010, 03:25 PM

I had 3 children who didn't need spanking. So, before #4, I was anti-spanking. Then came #4 - for whom spanking (or most of the time, the threat of it) was the only thing which worked for serious infractions for a period of about 2 years. As in most things parenting - I'd advise not speaking in absolutes. "I'd NEVER . . ." is setting yourself up.

IlovemyAKA · #11 06-27-2010, 06:30 PM

I was spanked. I wasn't a troublesome kid at school because of it. All kids try to push their limits, and that's where my spankings came into play. I don't harbor any resentment because of spankings, and I will spank my kids.

epchick · #12 06-27-2010, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IlovemyAKA

I was spanked. I wasn't a troublesome kid at school because of it. All kids try to push their limits, and that's where my spankings came into play. I don't harbor any resentment because of spankings, and I will spank my kids.

Yep that's me. I was spanked as a child, and so was everyone I know (and this is regardless of race). I don't harbor any resentment, and I will DEFINTELY spank my children if needed. I'm very pro-spanking.

DrPhil · #13 06-27-2010, 10:23 PM

I remember when grocery stores began having candy/chips/toys-free check out lines so kids won't ask for stuff. I guess not every parent was able to get their kid to adhere to the "don't ask for anything" rule.

WinniBug · #14 06-27-2010, 10:39 PM

I was spanked til I was probably 11. Everything from wire coat hangers, to wooden spoon, to branches I had to break off myself.
I don't want to spank, but we'll see....

DrPhil · #15 06-27-2010, 11:13 PM

Yeah, I have disdain for parents whose kids have a habit of acting out in public and who have a habit of having to leave public places. They need to fix that. I'm only talking about patterns of behavior. You said your cousin's child is annoying. That sounds like a pattern of behavior and not just a normal child who challenges boundaries sometimes.