Discipline: Spanking

[GMUBunny]

We only got spanked a handful of times as kids because we weren't stupid and knew better than to do XYZ again. The threat of a spanking (or if out in public, "a trip to the little girls' room") was enough to deter us from misbehaving. I will only spank my children if they're doing something that could potentially hurt themselves or others, or if they sass me. If I so much as look at my son sideways, his lip will start to quiver and he'll stop. He's the sensitive one. My daughter, on the other hand, is a nightmare to discipline unless it's a spanking or light smack on the hand. Nothing else works. She thinks any other form of discipline is hilarious. Even the daycare workers don't know what to do about her, since spanking is not allowed there. It just depends on the child and the family, as mentioned previously in this thread.

[starang21]

i was spanked. and i will spank.

in public and in private.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by starang21

i was spanked. and i will spank.

in public and in private.

Me too. My mom called it "licks" as in "that's one lick." She didn't even say what we were doing wrong just "that's two licks." Those three words would set me straight every time. And, my mother didn't forget nethin. She'd say it in the morning on the way to school and I knew when I got home it was on.

She had no qualms about tearing me up in public either. She would literally pull the car over if my brother and I were fighting and we'd be on the side of the road getting busted. Of course, that was back before cell phones with DFACS/CPS on speed dial.

[KSUViolet06]

I babysit my nephew and g-daughters fairly regularly.

I've been told that if they were in my home and I felt it was was necessary, that I could spank (their parents do it occasionally).

The 2 and 3 year old are too young for it in my opinion. They usually stop whatever inapproriate thing they're doing if I give them "the look" and tell them to stop.

I have only ever spanked the 6-year-old, and it was just once. She (after being told repeatedly to only ride her bike on the sidewalk) decided to ride her bike into the road and was almost hit by a car.

Even then, it was one swat and I didn't use an object or anything. Just enough to get the point across that you cannot EVER ride your bike into the road into traffic, EVER.

[Alumiyum]

I was spanked...it was always the last resort threat, but on many an occasion it was warranted. I know exactly how much of a hellion I was and if I have kids I imagine I'll get all that and more thrown back at me. It didn't make me a violent child and it didn't ALWAYS work, but most of the time it at least made me think twice. And I was an unusually stubborn child. My parents have even shown me video evidence...I was horrible. So I have nothing against spanking. (Though I don't want teachers or babysitters doing it for me...it's supposed to be a deterrent, not a beating and I don't want to risk someone fudging that line.) I won't, however, do that in public. It really does upset some people...when I misbehaved badly enough to warrant a spanking in a public place my parents took me out and then spanked me to avoid subjecting other customers to the yelling that would inevitably ensue. Which is how I think it should be done. No one wants to listen to a family disagreement and a screaming child during dinner, for instance.

[KSUViolet06]

If we misbehaved in public my mom always asked us "do we need to go outside for a minute?"

We pretty much knew what that meant. lol.

[pshsx1]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

If we misbehaved in public my mom always asked us "do we need to go outside for a minute?"

We pretty much knew what that meant. lol.

Yes! Exact same thing!

I was (as was my sister) spanked and I am glad that I was. Sometimes it came with some type of warning and other times (generally when I knew I was doing/did something wrong) the hand or the belt met my butt. There are also quite a few times where my parents would grab my arm and pull me close to them, give me THE LOOK, and say "stop it" or something along those lines. Generally, I knew to immediately stop b/c a beating would come later otherwise.

Haha There was one time where I pulled a rack of my parents' closet out of the wall so I "went to bed" early. My dad got home from work a few hours later, asked me what happened, I lied, and he brought the hand on me while I was laying in bed... nowhere to run to afterward.. I just had to sit there in bed with my punishment. That stopped me from playing in their closet.

I will probably spank my children. My parents never did it in excess and every single parent in my family does it and it works for us.

[IrishLake]

I was spanked when I misbehaved. Bare handed or with the dreaded kochlöffel. I do spank when they are severely misbehaving. I give a swat (more of a scary action and then a firm tap on the butt), when it doesn't quite warrant a full blown spank. I won't use the wooden spoon though, 'cause that shit hurt for days. But for us, the spank is the last resort, ultimate form of punishment. Ditto on the "do we need to go outside?" They know better.

[fantASTic]

I can't believe how many of you are pro-spanking. I am not.

I was spanked as a child (not beaten; spanked) and still hold severe resentment to my parents for it. I think it's totally unacceptable to teach children that an acceptable reaction to misbehaving or irritating someone is violence. Studies have shown that children who are spanked are significantly more likely to be violent and aggressive towards other children, even after controlling for dozens of factors (including natural aggressiveness). I personally do not want a violent and aggressive child; if you do, that is your prerogative, but do not be surprised to find out that he or she gets in trouble at school.

If your kid is acting up in the grocery store or a restaurant, you just leave. That's how it works. You. Leave. Does it inconvenience you? Yep. But you chose to have kids - that comes with the territory.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

If your kid is acting up in the grocery store or a restaurant, you just leave. That's how it works. You. Leave.

No. Kids aren't in charge. People choose to have kids but they should never choose to have spoiled brats who think they run shit.

Such studies are wonderful for showing support for correlates of behavior but they can never say definitively that something causes an outcome, even when controlling for other factors. Researchers can conclude from their findings that spanking can increase the potential for a particular outcome but, as with most things, it does not guarantee a particular outcome. The limitations and implications for further research place study findings in their proper context.

People's support for research findings is correlated with how they feel about a topic before they even read the research, as I'm sure is the case for you based on how you feel about your spanking experience. More studies that support corporal punishment should make it beyond the peer reviews. I would love to read more of them and my opinion of them would be shaped by my support for moderate corporal punishment.

We are always teaching children and shaping the adults they will become, for better or for worse. With that said, of the people who were spanked as children, it definitely shapes our perceptions of authority and justifications for aggression and violence. Some kids who were spanked are quicker to aggression and think it's justified while others are more reclusive and soft spoken as to not be quick to anger. But, there are also people who say you shouldn't raise your voice at a child or do other forms of discipline like "time out" and taking things that they cherish (toys, school activities, etc) from them. What works? No one knows with 100% accuracy.

All discipline should be in moderation and based on thinking rather than emotion/anger. My siblings and I were spanked from time to time and our mother and father never tried to really hurt us. We could tell it was more rational and to prove a point and give us a level of discomfort. That's also a factor of the personalities of the parents. If I had tried to fight back or talk trash, the spankings would've been worse. The spanking always came after my parents nicely talked to us, then sternly gave us warnings and if none of those worked (because we were feeling grown or stupid) we always deserved the spanking. Always. I would definitely spank my kid if I gave the kid ample opportunity to fix whatever the problem is.

(I don't believe in corporal punishment in schools or other adults yelling at my kid. That's why you have to handle your business at the home so kids will only act up A LITTLE (kids will be kids and will always test limits) when they leave your home. Parents shouldn't have to leave a restaurant because of a badass kid just as teachers shouldn't have to stop a class because of a badass kid)

[southbymidwest]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Parents shouldn't have to leave a restaurant because of a badass kid just as teachers shouldn't have to stop a class because of a badass kid)

Pet Peeve Alert: Uhh, no. Any selfish parents who let their kid act up (and not just a little fussing) in a restaurant without dealing with it (mainly by ignoring or unsuccessful cajoling) need to be spanked themselves. J/K, but it is not my problem that your little darling is tired/hungry/bored/out of patience/whatever. And don't make it worse by spanking the kid in the restaurant thereby letting the rest of the restaurant hear the kid crying/roaring from the spanking.

OK, back to regularly scheduled programming.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by southbymidwest

Pet Peeve Alert

The Post Provides the Context Alert.

Parents should eventually learn how to discipline their kids in public to avoid having to leave everytime the kid is acting up. I've seen kids taken to the restroom or outside during church service. The kids come back acting right. Something was successful whether it was a spanking, a grabbing, or a stern conversation.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by southbymidwest

Pet Peeve Alert: Uhh, no. Any selfish parents who let their kid act up (and not just a little fussing) in a restaurant without dealing with it (mainly by ignoring or unsuccessful cajoling) need to be spanked themselves. J/K, but it is not my problem that your little darling is tired/hungry/bored/out of patience/whatever. And don't make it worse by spanking the kid in the restaurant thereby letting the rest of the restaurant hear the kid crying/roaring from the spanking.

OK, back to regularly scheduled programming.

Fully agree. I am not above (politely) saying something to parents who allow this. They might think their little hellion is adorable, but his screaming is not cute. It's a problem I see a lot, for some reason extremely frequently in my hometown. Parents let their children RUN around the restaurant and I've seen waiters lose whole trays twice because a child ran straight into them-and have seen the parents yell at the poor waiter because they couldn't be bothered to say "Timmy SIT DOWN". Last week some kid in the booth behind myself and my boyfriend thought shooting balls of paper out of a straw at us was just so fun. So was jumping up and down on the seat, and popping up and screaming loudly. I finally turned around and asked the parents to please control their child only to have them look put out and tell me I should just leave. We complained to the manager and tipped the waiter heavily because that poor guy had to deal with that nightmare and its parents, too and still managed to be very nice to us. If I EVER behave like that as a parent someone better be hitting me, hard, and not with just a hand.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

The Post Provides the Context Alert.

Parents should eventually learn how to discipline their kids in public to avoid having to leave everytime the kid is acting up. I've seen kids taken to the restroom or outside during church service. The kids come back acting right. Something was successful whether it was a spanking, a grabbing, or a stern conversation.

That doesn't always work. It just plain doesn't. I have a cousin I have the...pleasure?...of babysitting occasionally and understand why her parents are at whit's end. They've tried every creative way of disciplining possible (incidentally they do not spank) but every time she hears another child act up in a restaurant she takes it as a challenge and attempts to top her peer. Short of Duct-taping her mouth shut or other methods that could be considered child abuse her there's nothing they haven't tried and oftentimes leaving is the only thing that keeps other customers from suffering, so one of them takes her outside, one pays, and they leave, which IMO is the right thing to do. I don't care how cute she is, no one wants to listen to that. Her brother, on the other hand, usually responds to a quiet "Do you want to lose your electronics privileges?" and at the worst gets a trip to the ladies room and a stern lecture and then feels guilty enough to apologize and hush. I can count on one hand the number of times I've had to ask him twice to do/not do something. Every child is different, and it's not always feasible to stick it out in a public place just to prove a point.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

I can't believe how many of you are pro-spanking. I am not.

I was spanked as a child (not beaten; spanked) and still hold severe resentment to my parents for it. I think it's totally unacceptable to teach children that an acceptable reaction to misbehaving or irritating someone is violence. Studies have shown that children who are spanked are significantly more likely to be violent and aggressive towards other children, even after controlling for dozens of factors (including natural aggressiveness). I personally do not want a violent and aggressive child; if you do, that is your prerogative, but do not be surprised to find out that he or she gets in trouble at school.

If your kid is acting up in the grocery store or a restaurant, you just leave. That's how it works. You. Leave. Does it inconvenience you? Yep. But you chose to have kids - that comes with the territory.

Personally I hold not one bit of resentment towards my parents for spanking me. It didn't scar me for life, and I think they did the right thing. I don't even remember being spanked at all, I just know I was because of the "funny" stories my family tells when they get together and let loose with the embarrassing childhood stories...so obviously it wasn't traumatic. As a child I did not respond to time out, a shake of the finger, or the loss of dessert with dinner when I was in a particularly bad mood. I wasn't the least bit violent, nor were my siblings. Just very loud and very prone to do the opposite of whatever my parents told me to do, like play with matches that I pulled out of my aunt's purse, for instance. And ironically in school I the most perfect child you could ask for, because I badly wanted to be the teacher's pet. Never acted out during school hours. I'm sure my teachers would've been floored if they'd ever encountered the after school me. (My siblings also just about never got in trouble at school, though by nature they aren't nearly as stubborn as I was so they didn't get in much trouble at home either.)

My parents always left a restaurant if one of us began yelling or misbehaving. No one else was inconvenienced besides our family. If we continued to do so we would be spanked at home.

[als463]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

I can't believe how many of you are pro-spanking. I am not.

I was spanked as a child (not beaten; spanked) and still hold severe resentment to my parents for it. I think it's totally unacceptable to teach children that an acceptable reaction to misbehaving or irritating someone is violence. Studies have shown that children who are spanked are significantly more likely to be violent and aggressive towards other children, even after controlling for dozens of factors (including natural aggressiveness). I personally do not want a violent and aggressive child; if you do, that is your prerogative, but do not be surprised to find out that he or she gets in trouble at school.

If your kid is acting up in the grocery store or a restaurant, you just leave. That's how it works. You. Leave. Does it inconvenience you? Yep. But you chose to have kids - that comes with the territory.

I don't have children yet and I don't resent my parents but, I agree with you on this one. I have already talked to my boyfriend about how I want to raise our children, in the future, after we get married. We have both decided we don't want to spank/ hit our children. I'm not a flower-child or someone who thinks all children are rainbows and butterflies but, I don't see the need to hit a child. I agree that if the kid acts like a little brat, leave. While I'm sure there are many people on this site who actually parent their children, you have to admit that there are people out there who couldn't be bothered with "dealing" with their kids. If you have kids (whether by choice or chance) don't be a jerk and make the rest of us have to deal with your handful by allowing him/ her to be loud and obnoxious. I don't think you need to spank, though. I would love to hear more ideas about how you can discipline your child minus spanking.