Revealing secrets of defunct/absorbed GLOs

[Lovely_gurl]

Originally posted by MelodyCat
Mr. MelodyCat asked me what went on after I was initated.

I told him, "I can't tell you any specifics. Just know that it's a beautiful ritual."

He pouted for a second and tried to jokingly cajole me into telling him, but I looked him in the eye and said, "Honey? I love you. I normally tell you everything that is important to me, but I can't tell you that. Please respect that."

He's never asked again.

Mr. Lovely_Gurl has never asked....but my guess is that IF you had chosen to disclose this information, if your husband is like mine, he would have kept the information between the two of you.

And FYI, I suspect our Internationals would frown very highly on a member who spilled secrets. Take that as you will.

Well, I haven't done an IEB poll about it, but I suspect it would depend on the individual....though I am sure there would be at least a few who would have the reaction that you suggest.

[PhiPsiRuss]

Originally posted by Lovely_gurl
I just don't hold the viewpoint that disclosure to a spouse breaks a vow of secrecy. That is the difference. And it is perfectly fine for you to disagree with me, but asserting that vows mean nothing to me is erroneous.

The Alpha Phi ritual is not the sole property of you. It belongs to the Alpha Phi Fraternity, and I'm willing to bet dollars to doughnuts that there is no "spousal" provision for breaching your oath, nor is any such thing implied. Your rationalization and dishonor betrays every woman who has ever been, and who ever will be an Alpha Phi.

[Tom Earp]

Yes, you raised the ire of many including my self. So if You are not going to tell your secrets, then why bring it up?

Oh, I can see the interest but not the way it was stated.

What each of us have as Initiated Members Will and Always feel very strongly about is The Vows that were taken.

Okay, what is an IEB Poll He asked?

[Lovely_gurl]

Originally posted by PhiPsiRuss
Your rationalization and dishonor betrays every woman who has ever been, and who ever will be an Alpha Phi.

Well, I respectfully disagree.

[Lovely_gurl]

Originally posted by Tom Earp
Yes, you raised the ire of many including my self. So if You are not going to tell your secrets, then why bring it up?

Well, in the original post, AEPHI ALUM asked the question Is it okay to divulge secrets of defunct GLOs....or something to that effect.

I was simply bringing to light a different point of view...that perhaps this friend who divulged secrets of her defunct GLO to her husband did not consider telling her husband to be revealing a secret....as some spouses have relationships in which they share everything with each other, under the explanation that "the two shall become one".

I did not present this as an absolute or something that all spouses should share with one another....or even advocate for it. I was simply pointing out that MAYBE she didn't see it as an issue...and that the issue was HIM discussing it with AEPhi Alum....which was innappropriate. This is why I brought it up....as just a "well...consider this" point.

Oka, what is an IEB Poll He asked?

IEB=International Executive Board
Poll as in asking each member how she feels about a certain issue.

[Tom Earp]

Why do you disagree? What so Russ is a Guy and asking the same question as I and many others are and have?

You never answered My Question either.

Do you profess one thing and or say another?

So, now, you are an APhi and want to protect your Ritual or not?

Just queastions that need to be answered.

Oh, Ball is in your court!

[Tom Earp]

Thank you. Posting times are close so a run over on timing!

Thanks!

[Diamond Delta]

Originally posted by Tom Earp

Just queastions that need to be answered.

She doesn't need to do anything for you. You desire answers. There's a difference.

She HAS NOT told her husband anything. Therefore, there is not a problem.

Put on your big- girl panties and deal with it.

[Lovely_gurl]

Originally posted by PhiPsiRuss
The Alpha Phi ritual is not the sole property of you. It belongs to the Alpha Phi Fraternity, and I'm willing to bet dollars to doughnuts that there is no "spousal" provision for breaching your oath, nor is any such thing implied.

I agree that there is no provision for breaching an oath and understand your interpretation.

However, where I split hairs with you in this matter is more of a spiritual/Biblical point...that when two are joined together in marriage, they become ONE. Arguably, depending on the individual's viewpoint, there need not be a "provision" granted by the fraternity to explain that these two people may now choose to share everything with one another.

*BEFORE YOU ATTACK THIS: I am not saying that this is how it IS or how it MUST BE....just offering this as a different perspective to explain WHY someone may feel that disclosure to a spouse is VERY DIFFERENT from disclosure to anyone else. I am not saying you must agree with this reasoning or accept it...just trying to explain it.*

[Lovely_gurl]

Originally posted by Tom Earp
Why do you disagree? What so Russ is a Guy and asking the same question as I and many others are and have?

You never answered My Question either.

Do you profess one thing and or say another?

So, now, you are an APhi and want to protect your Ritual or not?

Just queastions that need to be answered.

Oh, Ball is in your court!

*sigh* i will try, one question at a time....but please bear with me, as some I do not understand.

"You never answered My Question either." I guess I don't know the question to which you are referring....

"Do you profess one thing and or say another?" I'm not sure I follow this one. No, I have not disclosed anything about my ritual....but I understand the viewpoint of those who do not see it as a problem to share everything with their spouses. From a personal perspective, my own husband has never asked, nor do I think he would care, so I have not given him this information. But if it became a point of contention regarding secrecy in our marriage....probably I would tell him and I understand others who would choose to do this as well and would not consider it a breach of oath. But that is just ME....my opinion of a hypothetical. In my own life, I don't foresee this ever being an issue with us.

"So, now, you are an APhi and want to protect your Ritual or not?" Of course.

[Lovely_gurl]

Has anyone else noticed that I said I would stop posting like 12 posts ago???

Sorry....I guess I am becoming a Greekchat addict!!!! And I don't want anyone to think I am unwilling to answer questions or go through the gauntlet!

However, I fear by the end of this thread I am likely to be a SENIOR MEMBER! haha!

[bruinaphi]

WARNING: This post has nothing to do with revealing secrets of defunct/absorbed GLOs and everything to do with how we show respect for one another on this board.

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
Lovely_gurl, so sorry if my assertion that you're not going to honor your wedding vows and will probably be a runaround hootchie mama within a couple of years made you feel bad. I am obviously not privy to which vows you keep and which you discard.

It's also occured to me that you're probably as much of an Alpha Phi as I am since I can't believe an initiated member of a sorority would be stupid enough to broadcast on a greek-related message board that vows of secrecy mean nothing to her.

Calling someone stupid because you disagree with their interpretation of the bible and the meaning of marriage is really mature. Actually, Lovely_gurl is a very active and involved member of Alpha Phi who has never said that her vows meaning nothing to her. This is a very harsh attack on someone's religious views of marriage that I consider unnecessary, rude and nasty.

I find it very disappointing that so many of you, including many moderators who claim to support GC allowing people to take less popular positions on issues, have attacked someone for bringing to light another point of view. Lovely_gurl was not advocating the sharing of ritual, nor was she speaking in defense of the actions of AEPhi Alum's chapter sister. Rather, she was trying to promote understanding by introducing another prospective on this issue.

[33girl]

She pretty much said in her first post that she saw NOTHING wrong with sharing secrets of any sort with a spouse because they are "one." If she had said "some people believe married couples should share everything" and let it go at that, I don't think anyone would have gotten offended. But she took it a step further and affirmed that she lives her own life this way as well. Whether she's actually shared these things with her husband or not is not the point.

[Diamond Delta]

I agree with the above post by buinaphi. The name calling is ridiculous, immature, not in keeping with ANYONE's ideals, principles or creed.

Let's start walking the walk here folks.

And yes, it is the point that she hasn't shared any ritual with her husband b/c that is why people have their panties in a wad. They actually are worried that she will. Which she hasn't and probably wouldn't. She was just playing devils advocate.

I guess it can't be a discussion board unless everyone agrees.


Just to put a differnt spin on the topic.....many rituals have changed. What if I discuss something in the ritual that is no longer there? Is that still breaking an oath? I haven't done this of course, but I think it does preent an interesting question.

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by 33girl
She pretty much said in her first post that she saw NOTHING wrong with sharing secrets of any sort with a spouse because they are "one." If she had said "some people believe married couples should share everything" and let it go at that, I don't think anyone would have gotten offended. But she took it a step further and affirmed that she lives her own life this way as well. Whether she's actually shared these things with her husband or not is not the point.

Exactly. Not only did she say it, not qualifying as a "devil's advocate" statement, she mentioned her organization specifically.

Call me judgemental, but that sounds pretty stupid to me.