ebay etiquette

[FirstAndFinest]

Originally posted by JaimeNicole
just to clarify for everyone, i didnt intend to say dont respect your sisters, ... i guess what im trying to say is that if 2 people really want something, and neither want to back down, and there isnt an extenuating circumstance (like stated before) how is it someone else place to make some kind of rule about who is allowed to bid on what and against who?

In my opinion, it is not any one person's place (or any group's place) to rule on who can win what auctions. We should just encourage sisters to act as sisters, and suggest that they respectfully communicate.

I've had a sister tell me what she bid, saying that unless I wanted to top that, I was just driving up the price. (this is a paraphrase; she was more eloquent, respectful and tactful.) I was glad to get that email, b/c I was not interested in outbidding that price and was wasting my time on that item. Again, the key here was communication.

(how did I get on my soapbox again???)

[PennyCarter]

Jamie, I totally agree with you. I think we should always respect one another...its in our open motto. But I also don't think there is going to be a perfect way to create guidelines for these situations (but I would love it if someone proved me wrong).

This is a tough area for several reasons. One, it is just hard to determine who wants it more. Of course, as many have said communication helps and many times it can be worked out, but not always. Also, while the list is a fabulous tool, everyone isn't on it and it doesn't begin to include family and friends of ADPis who buy items as gifts. I know my boyfriend has looked at things for me and I would feel bad if I found out he out bid a sister at the last minute or something, but he wouldn't have a clue what he'd done.

Also, while I don't mean to sound like we should make time to respect our sisters...some people just don't have the time to find out if another bidder is a sister and what the reason is or whatever. I know, it only takes a minute and many of you may want to argue this point, but sometimes things get hectic.

I would not love it if a sister outbid me at the last minute, but I would understand. She just wanted the item too and may not have known about the safe list or for whatever reason bid on the item anyway. I hate to hear that this causes tension among sisters, when she may not have even realized what she was doing...there are tons of sisters who don't check PO or GC and may not think it is wrong to bid against a sister. After all, that is the point of an auction.

Sorry, just wanted to go along with what Jamie said. I do agree with all the posts on communication and I hope some helpful guidelines are created, I guess I just wanted to remind sisters to try and give someone the benefit of the doubt if it does happen.

[ASUADPi]

I know for me (and maybe for Shannan and Jennie to which the same situation happened too) is that the sister who outbid me with 23 seconds left in bidding, HAD NEVER bid on the item previously. So it wasn't like I could email her and have a discussion about it. I couldn't tell her "this is why I want this pin". Nor could she tell me.

I respect everyone's opinion about this, but no matter what, I am always going to think it is rude when someone on our safe list outbids a known sister with less than a minute left in bidding.

[texas*princess]

ASUADPi, I definitely see and understand where you're coming from.

To play the devil's advocate though, what if the sister didn't know you were on the list?

I mean, I don't check the list on a regular basis even though I frequent this site. She may have agreed to be put on the safe list, but that doesn't mean she has a list of everyone's IDs burned into her memory, so how would she have known you were on the list?

[sweetie adpi]

i'm having a hard time here understanding some of the places that you're coming from asu. i do understand and value the efforts that you've made so that communication between sisters is possible and regular between the those that are bidding leading up to the end of the auction. this could truly help in some of the situations that have been described here.

my issue is that you see yourself as a "victim" of another sister who probably saw the pin when the auction started, stuck it in my ebay, and didn't pay attention to it until the very end when she saw that she would be able to still bid within her limit, and then did so. not everyone on ebay takes the time or HAS that amount of time to search the internet for ebay adpi safe names, or keep up to date on them. i know i don't bid on something until the last minute, so you're not going to see me on there to email me til the very end, because i don't want to drive up the price for five days. and i'm probably not paying attention to who's bidding either, because i don't check in until the end. i don't have the time to follow ebay that much. and as i've stated before, that IS, whether or not everyone likes it, one of the ways ebay works. sniping happens. this is ebay, not a real auction. these bidder's actions, however, aren't necessarily stemming from a malicious attitude of disrespect. and you can still email the bidder who won to see if you can convince them to let you buy it from them if you have such an emotional attachment to it. chances are if she would have bowed out, had she known of your earlier intent, she'd let you buy it off of her afterwards as well.

[ADPiAkron]

I agree with what you are saying, but another problem is when there is a bidding war between sisters. We need to make sure when that happens someone emails them and lets them know they are a sister and attach the information about the safe list.

[ASUADPi]

sweetie adpi, I respect your opinion but I feel like you are trying to tell me that I'm not allowed to feel that it is rude what that sister did to me. What another sister did to Shannan and another to Jennie. You have no right to tell me that I'm not allowed to feel this way so please don't try to.

Now if this was not your intention, I'm sorry, but from how I read your post that is what I took from it.

[sweetie adpi]

i'm not telling you that you can't feel however you want to feel, but i am urging you to evaluate your response to their actions when taking into account their intent - generally when someone is rude to me, they usually have every intent to be.

i'm saying in this situation, it's highly probable that these sisters had no idea that anyone would be victimized or upset by their actions. so maybe instead of continuing to be so upset about something that is inevitably going to happen again, and defining it as callous and rude, do something positive about it, (which you are trying to do, and that's great) but why waste time and energy judging these sisters actions (which you seem to continue to do) or become bitter over something that you see as a sister disrespecting you when that was probably never the case.
geez that was a huge runon but i don't have time to edit it. sorry.

[ASUADPi]

Sweetie adpi, again I respect your opinion but again I feel that you are trying to tell me what I can and cannot feel which is completely not your call.

Secondly, just because I'm judging the particular sister who outbid me doesn't mean I'm judging every sister, so please don't assume that I am.

Thirdly, how would you feel if you were the high bidder for like two days and then suddenly with 23 seconds left a sister comes in and outbids you? Also, I should mention that my ebay name states ADPi in it, so she knew she was outbidding a sister and it wasn't like it was a bidding war between us, it wasn't, she never bid on the item before.

This thread is not about what happened to me, to Shannan or even to Jennie it is about Ebay etiquette.

So back to the point of the thread.....

Again, I believe it is all about communication. Communicate with the high bidder if it is a sister and you would like to bid on the item.

[ADPiAkron]

Originally posted by ASUADPi
Also, I should mention that my ebay name states ADPi in it, so she knew she was outbidding a sister and it wasn't like it was a bidding war between us, it wasn't, she never bid on the item before.

Good point.

[FirstAndFinest]

Originally posted by ASUADPi
Again, I believe it is all about communication. Communicate with the high bidder if it is a sister and you would like to bid on the item.

I agree.

I also think that in dealing with those eBay snipers, and everyone else we deal with, we should strive for tolerance blended with humility. It it unfortunate that we can't always expect others to act the same (not even other sisters). All one can do is her very best to live up to the ideals of our Creed.

[texas*princess]

Originally posted by ASUADPi
Thirdly, how would you feel if you were the high bidder for like two days and then suddenly with 23 seconds left a sister comes in and outbids you? Also, I should mention that my ebay name states ADPi in it, so she knew she was outbidding a sister and it wasn't like it was a bidding war between us, it wasn't, she never bid on the item before.

ASU, I def. agree with you when you say communication is the key, but I also have to agree wth sweetieadpi because she also made some valid points.

I am by no means trying to tell you how you can and cannot feel, but sometimes you have to take into account the other person's intent.

The winning bidder might not have bid on the item before, but many people, myself included, will not bid on an item until the very end of the auction. My whole logic in that is, why am I going to drive the price up during the entire duration of the item, when I can wait at the end? If the item is still at a reasonable price level, I will bid on it then, if not, then I'll look for something else to spend money on

Like I said before, I do agree with you that communication is the key, but maybe if the unfortunate situation really bothered you, you could try communicating with the winning bidder and see if you could buy the item from them like sweetieadpi suggested.

While I agree with the majority of the posters on this thread, I'm a little reluctant to form set "guidelines" to follow.

*PLEASE* don't anyone take this the wrong way, but we have rules for everything... rules for our conduct, living in the house, etc., do we really need guidelines to bid on ebay?

I'm all for respecting sisters, and communicating, but we have a zillion initated members... and a lot of them have access to computers and to ebay. There will be times that more than 2 or even 10 sisters will want the same item, so I think sometimes situations like that will come down to whoever wins it out in the bitter end... even if it means waiting until the last 10 seconds.

I don't want to sound negative at all, but I just feel this is a little much

[skerbow]

I agree wholeheartedly with Texas*Princess. That is exactly why I have not chimed in up to this point. I personally don't think ADPi revolves around Greekchat, nor do I feel that ebay is something that we can set guidelines to. Besides, even if we did, the women who are bidding against us are the exact women that would never see these guidelines. So what are we accomplishing by this thread, other than causing rifts between sisters of opposing sides.

I mean no harm or offense with my post. I just felt it was time to finally speak up.

[HBADPi]

Originally posted by skerbow
I agree wholeheartedly with Texas*Princess. That is exactly why I have not chimed in up to this point. I personally don't think ADPi revolves around Greekchat, nor do I feel that ebay is something that we can set guidelines to. Besides, even if we did, the women who are bidding against us are the exact women that would never see these guidelines. So what are we accomplishing by this thread, other than causing rifts between sisters of opposing sides.

I mean no harm or offense with my post. I just felt it was time to finally speak up.

I'll chime in as well and agree with these statements. We can set all the guidelines we want but unless these are adopted by EO and perhaps ebay, they really wont go far. The other problem I see with guidelines is that we're only establishing how to interact with other sisters on ebay but there will be instances where a collector might swoop in with 23 seconds left and win the item. What kind of protocol will be established then?

Also remember that just because you may be the highest bidder it does not mean you have a claim on the item. You don't get to say it was yours until you've paid for it so if someone outbids you its probably not malicious, the person is just following the rules of an auction.

[FirstAndFinest]

Originally posted by skerbow
I personally don't think ADPi revolves around Greekchat,

What heresy!! The WORLD revolves around GC! SHOOT those who haven't logged on yet!!

Sorry. I'm not well. I need a vacation...

Seriously , you have a good point that the women we would want/need to reach by setting guidelines won't be reading them, so this thread is really just moot.