Propose or not? - Page 2

SummerChild · #1 07-14-2006, 04:53 PM

TonyB, why don't you give us some tips on how to subtly exert pressure.

Also, what let's you guys know that you want a woman to be your wife? I know it may vary for different men but what the heck, give it a go. LOL.
Let us in on the secrets discussed at the meetings.

SC

Quote:

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Interesting thread, ladies.

I think I'd feel weird if a woman ever proposed to me. Not that it couldn't happen, but I think I'm too much of a traditionalist to let it go down that way.

As to "pressure" I think I agree with Summerchild, but subtlety is key. I think if it's a good relationship you know after a reasonable amount of time (I define "time" not by a calendar but by the level of spiritual commitment and range/depth of experiences you've shared together) whether she's the one you want to walk into the future with.

If I had to get "nudged" at all, I'd rather it be gentle rather, than overt. It still has to feel like it's my call on that level. ...because it is.

rho4life · #2 07-28-2006, 03:17 PM

I want a man who is man enough to propose to me. There's a lot of ways I'm non-traditional, but when it comes to stuff like this, i am very old school.

_Opi_ · #3 07-28-2006, 03:41 PM

I'm not that traditional, so who knows. I'm not totally opposed to the idea.

silent1 · #4 07-31-2001, 10:16 PM

I am old fashion. I say let him do the asking.

aRHOgance · #5 08-01-2001, 09:47 PM

I agree with Icebergslim-let him pick out the ring. It doesn't even seem appropriate otherwise. If he is proposing-like he should, then he needs to go throw all the motions and that includes picking out the engagement ring. When your birthday comes around, you wouldn't pick out your own gift and tell your man,"Now buy it. This is what I want." Half of the pleasure in receiving a gift from your man is knowing that he took the time out to buy you something that he knew you would enjoy. Hell, if you're getting married, I would hope that he would know your likes and dislikes well enough to actually pick out a ring that is at least 90% in the area of the type of ring you would've picked out for yourself.

discrete1 · #6 11-22-2001, 11:10 AM

I couldn't possily see myself proposing to a man. It's just my personal opinion. I always thought that was a manly thing. Plus, the idea of a man asking a woman is tantalizing!!!!! romantic!!!! Ladies not that we can't be romantic. I don't think that it is something that I will do, ut you can never say never.

GoldenGlow2000 · #7 06-21-2006, 02:18 PM

I don't plan on asking my honey. In my mind since I have been a little girl, I have dreamed of the guy asking me. It's too much pressure. Why put it on myself!

PerfectVerse06 · #8 06-21-2006, 02:27 PM

Question:

Do you all think that by making the proposal the man's responsibility, we are essentially giving him the reigns and allowing him to dictate when you two are ready to take the relationship to the next level?

And to answer the initial question...I'd much rather be proposed to than propose. I'm a hopless romantic as well, and I just think it would be so wonderful for him to get down on bended knee and profess that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Plus, I don't know too many men who'd react the way a woman would when proposed...that's part of the excitement and fun, seeing her reaction!

divainred · #9 06-21-2006, 02:37 PM

No, I don't think you are allowing him the power to take the relationship to the next level, because if you are not ready then you can say no and then the burden is on you. Who knows, you might have to propose to him and give him the choice of saying yes or no next time (if there is a next time).

However I believe that by allowing him to propose, you do know that he is ready and (hopefully) wants to make that commitment to you. I think that many people push marriage before either one of them are really ready to make that commitment (their friends are getting married, biological clock ticking, just the idea of marriage), so if a man has not proposed, maybe that can be a clue to the woman that he is not ready for that. Better to find out that he wasn't ready then vs. after you are married.

But, I'm a hopeless romantic and I want a man to "be a man" and propose to me also.

PerfectVerse06 · #10 06-21-2006, 03:16 PM

*hijack*

We'll need to set up a time to go over the applications, lil_sunshine. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people (you know since we're important and all we have 'people')

*end hijack*

Thanks for answering, divanred. I had this discussion with a friend and they thought that we were giving the man all the power as far as where the relationship stands and where it's headed are concerned.

AlphaFrog · #11 06-21-2006, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divainred

No, I don't think you are allowing him the power to take the relationship to the next level, because if you are not ready then you can say no and then the burden is on you. Who knows, you might have to propose to him and give him the choice of saying yes or no next time (if there is a next time).

Not to sidetrack this thread....BUT...

I know many people that believe that a declined proposal is a definite end to a relationship. Several theories why:

1. Weirdness factor - it's out there, and now either the girl starts to feel the pressure or the guy feels squicky for getting rejected.

2. Biological clock - He's proposing because he's ready to settle. If the girl is not ready to settle, it might be time to find one that is.

3. Why? - The guy starts to think about whether she's just not ready to get married to anyone, or if she's not ready to marry HIM. If she's not ready to get married period, see #2. If she's not ready to marry HIM, why continue the relationship further??

I'm not saying I agree or disagree, but I'm just throwing it out there.

1908Revelations · #12 05-11-2007, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TRSimon

I think it's okay for other people to do it, but I just could not see myself doing it. It must be my Southern upbringing or something. I just believe a man needs to be a man at some point in the relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by blu_theatrics

I am completely old-fashioned there....I will drop you a few hints,(bridal magazines, jewlry store shoppiong...etc.)

But you have to do the asking

I totally agree with you ladies!!! It is ok for other women, but not me!

BTW I wanted to bump this since Joan (Girlfriends) asked ol' boy to marry her.

IncontRHOllable · #13 05-12-2007, 01:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1908Revelations

I totally agree with you ladies!!! It is ok for other women, but not me!

BTW I wanted to bump this since Joan (Girlfriends) asked ol' boy to marry her.

What

Dang I need to catch up on Girlfriends. Hmmmm, I could never ask a man to marry me. I'm just imagining a couple of years after the marriage when a good disagreement happens and he says "well I did not ask you to marry me, you asked me," or "I didn't really want to get married in the first place." Ladies, I have heard men say this. I know someone close to me whose husband threw those words right at her. I know that I could not handle those words being thrown at me so to keep my sanity, I would never ask a man to marry me. Not to mention the fact that in my opinion if a man wants to get married, he will ask. Now that my .7 cents worth.

NinjaPoodle · #14 05-12-2007, 08:16 PM

I feel like if the moment is right, the female should ask the male.

What difference does it make? The end result is you marry each other. Right?

TRSimon · #15 05-13-2007, 03:29 PM

I've always wondered what men think about this, so I asked a few and they were like as long as the woman was the right one, why not? I still wouldnt do it though. And we all know Joan is desperate. Hee hee hee...