Why you didn't make it into a sorority.

[docdaisy]

Originally posted by sugar and spice
I agree -- I don't think that any of the problems that the sorority system struggles with are anything that you can't see in the rest of society. It's just that in the Greek system they are mirrored in our unique little customs .

But shouldn't we be held to a higher standard? Greek organizations talk about "our values"... maybe we should live up to them. There will come a day when we're alumns and fraternity boys won't make a difference.

[33girl]

Originally posted by russellwarshay
[B]Also, the point about sororities needing fraternities for social activities, to the extent experienced by today's undergraduates, is less than a 20 year old development. "Risk management" did not exist in the Greek world in 1980. B]

True - if we wanted to have a party, we had one and invited whoever. This is the main reason I hate the sorority alcohol policies, they seem to not understand that this doesn't make people drink less, it makes them dependent on others (usually fraternities) for alcohol. My sorority social life was definitely not dependent on mixers - we did not have them every week, but we certainly had other outlets. That's another policy that sucks - the whole "3 sisters in one place is an event" crap. So if alphabug, LionTamer and I went to a party at the wrestling house, it would all of a sudden be an ASA event. Totally @#$%ing asanine.

[daydreamer1112]

I got cut from XYZ house here on my campus and it really shocked me--I felt like I had really fit in there and had an amazing time and I couldn't imagine why they had cut me. I still don't know to this day why it happened: since then, I have had the opportunity to get to know even more amazing XYZ sisters and I know they made a mistake by cutting me because I am absolutely certain I would have fit in there. But it doesn't matter--after they cut me, I moved on and was extremely pleased to discover that Alpha Chi Omega appreciated me from the beginning and recognized all the great qualities in me that XYZ apparently missed. And XYZ happened to take a few rather...unsavory...girls in my dorm, as well; some of the less enthusiastic and bitchier ones. Oh well. AXO is my home, it's where I was meant to be from the beginning, and getting cut from XYZ and discovering that really helped me grow as a person and realize that the system just isn't perfect and you can't take it personally. I mean, how well can you really get to know someone from a 20 minutes conversation about where they grew up and what dormitory they live in?

[daydreamer1112]

Also, I don't agree with the notion that if you get cut from your favorite house you should drop out and try again next year. If they don't want you once, why would they want you later? And why would you want to be with a group of girls who didn't appreciate you the first time they met you? Have some self-respect, and examine why you want to be in a sorority in the first place. Most people who have their hearts set on one place feel that way because it's the "best" with the "hottest" girls that frats like the most. What the hell? You shouldn't join a sorority because you want to be in a brothel. Look for girls who appreciate you and trust the system to find you the group you belong with, regardless of what the frats think of them.

Originally Posted by daydreamer1112

Also, I don't agree with the notion that if you get cut from your favorite house you should drop out and try again next year. If they don't want you once, why would they want you later? And why would you want to be with a group of girls who didn't appreciate you the first time they met you?

First of all, I want to say that I believe in maximizing options and NOT dropping out just because a PNM doesn't get invited to the favorite house.

Second, and this depends on campus culture, I fully support a PNM going through recruitment a second time because it could be possible that somehow the PNM just fell through the cracks the first time around. And why do you assume that the PNM would want to even be in her previous top house? Opinions can change over a period of time. I've read many stories here where PNMs had a change of heart and eventually found their home in another house.

You don't know the reasons why the PNM was cut, so you really shouldn't assume that just because they cut you the first time, they'll cut you again.

Have some self-respect, and examine why you want to be in a sorority in the first place. Most people who have their hearts set on one place feel that way because it's the "best" with the "hottest" girls that frats like the most. What the hell? You shouldn't join a sorority because you want to be in a BROTHEL. Look for girls who appreciate you and trust the system to find you the group you belong with, regardless of what the frats think of them.

While I don't doubt the fact that some PNMs go through recruitment for superficial reasons, it's very wrong of you to say that a PNM going through it a second time has no self-respect. PNMs fall in love with a house for reasons you don't even know, and it really isn't your place to question their integrity -- even if they may be setting themselves up for disappointment.

Finally, I won't even touch on your brothel comment.

That is all.

[daydreamer1112]

I agree, OTW, I just think that it's better to be open-minded and really examine the sororities that you have left rather than saying, "Oh, XYZ cut me, so I'm dropping out--screw all these other houses." I'm not saying there's never a situtaion where it is in the PNM's best interest to drop out and try again, I'm just saying in my experience, a lot of girls dropped out for the wrong reasons. They had houses left that were GREAT fits for them but dropped out because they weren't "the best" houses--and "the best" houses weren't necessarily places that I think they would have felt at home in.

PS: I didn't badmouth the house that didn't take me. In fact, I said nothing but positive things about them, although I do think they took a few girls they will regret taking. I still like them a lot and still feel that they would have made an amazing home for me--I'm definitely NOT trying to be negative about them, obviously I still like them or I wouldn't be saying that I still think I fit in with them, even though they cut me.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Originally Posted by daydreamer1112

Also, I don't agree with the notion that if you get cut from your favorite house you should drop out and try again next year. If they don't want you once, why would they want you later? And why would you want to be with a group of girls who didn't appreciate you the first time they met you? Have some self-respect, and examine why you want to be in a sorority in the first place. Most people who have their hearts set on one place feel that way because it's the "best" with the "hottest" girls that frats like the most. What the hell? You shouldn't join a sorority because you want to be in a brothel. Look for girls who appreciate you and trust the system to find you the group you belong with, regardless of what the frats think of them.

If you see yourself in that place and that place only...why would you take something else, taking someone's spot who might be more whole heartedly "into" the other group, and therefore a more productive member for them? If I hadn't gotten Alpha Gam, I would have tried to COB in the spring. I felt like I had to suicide, because I didn't want to take a spot in Chi O meant for a girl that was totally in love with Chi O (I mean, theoretically assuming I would have gotten a bid, which of course I don't know...and I still thought they were really awesome, but they weren't "home").

Sometimes people just get skipped over...it doesn't mean their favorite house doesn't like them. It's partially a numbers game...and one girl might be a really great girl, but she didn't bring her "A" game on the first night and got cut because her personality didn't show. After a semester on campus, she might have a better chance. Yeah, there's the risk of getting cut again, but it might be worth the risk.

While it's great that you found your home in Alpha Chi Omega, it really isn't necessary to bad mouth the house that didn't take you or the girls that they decided to take.

It doesn't make you or anyone look good.

[33girl]

Originally posted by sairose
James, what a hurtful thing to post on here!

I never went through NPC rush but I know of one particular girl...one of my SAI sisters....who did.

And she was cut from all five sororities.

Must really be something wrong with her, right? Some big flaw, she must be a really bad girl.

Well, not so. She got cut because she is very shy. A VERY sweet girl, but not real outgoing. She's beautiful, sweet, funny, kind, etc...and everyone that knows her loves her. She was just too shy during Rush, and she knows it.

did you not read my last post or James' original post??????? That is EXACTLY what we said.

Read what the original point of this thread was, not the path it has taken.

[Glitter650]

the whole three sisters is an event thing comes because that's when insurance is responsible for you I believe.... s although it is sometimes a pain becasue you kinda have to be more careful when it's an "chapter event" at least you are protected. Maybe my greek system is different because we don't have any houses... but here our girls throw parties on our own all the time and invite the boys... we just don't use chapter money to but the alcohol and althugh I guess it technically is an "event" since usually more than three of us are there we don't advertise it with our letters or say it's a Phi Sig party or anything.. it's word of mouth I think not having an offical house can be helpful in that way because then it would be dry... but since our chapter just has sisters that live together in their own apartments...

[veemers]

i totally agree with james. there's a girl who's rushed our house three times and has not once gotten a bid. she's very aggressive and disrespectful, and we just don't want her as a representative of our house. we are not in the business of teaching social skills.

[sairose]

Originally posted by 33girl
did you not read my last post or James' original post??????? That is EXACTLY what we said.

Read what the original point of this thread was, not the path it has taken.

Uh...sorry I was so slow to reply....but I'm totally confused. my post was referring to James' original post. I do agree that, many times, if you do not get a bid, there was a good reason for it. GLOs have the right to extend a bid only to people they feel would be an asset to their chapter.

However, what I meant was that sometimes there is a girl who would have made a FANTASTIC member, but for whatever reason, she didn't get a bid. Perhaps she was too shy during rush. Maybe her best qualities didn't happen to shine through. Her grades might not have been high enough. Whatever. Does that mean they didn't deserve to be in a sorority? Of course not. Sororities have to base membership selection on what they see. And I totally understand that. But it's hurtful to say they shouldn't have gotten a bid.

[33girl]

Originally posted by sairose
But it's hurtful to say they shouldn't have gotten a bid.

JAMES DID NOT SAY THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN A BID, HE SAID THAT IS WHY THEY DIDN'T GET A BID.

Sorry to shout, but I just feel like you are overpersonalizing the issue, rather than seeing what was actually said.

[sairose]

33girl I have PMd you.

[AchtungBaby80]

Originally posted by AchtungBaby80
But guys, I think James is really talking about the young ladies who come on here with stories about how they rushed and did every single thing right, they had a 4.5 high school GPA, people tell them they're so beautiful, etc. but they got cut from every house. We're not talking about the girls who went through rush and were shy and didn't have the opportunity to let their best qualities shine. I mean, I know it sounds awful, but sometimes PNMs can get obnoxious..."Well, I'm so cute, I was a cheerleader/Homecoming Queen/Beta Club member in high school and those houses had the nerve to drop me! What's WRONG with them?!?!?"

Like I said...