Cuddling at Night

ZTAngel · #1 10-13-2003, 10:06 AM

Who enjoys cuddling while sleeping?

I must admit that I actually hate doing it. I don't mind cuddling as I drift off to sleep. But, after I've passed out, I don't want to be touched (especially because I'm very cranky when I'm woken up). My boyfriend wil start cuddling with me in the middle of night and it always wakes me up. The problem is that he is 100 pounds heavier than me. His arm alone is probably half of my weight. When we're cuddling as we drift off to sleep, he makes sure not to put too much pressure on me with his arm as he'll probably crush me. In the middle of the night, he doesn't realize what he's doing and I'll wake up with that tingling sensation in my stomach or chest that means I've had the circulation cut off. It hurts like hell. Whenever I bring it up to him, he takes it so offensely. I can understand why but I honestly don't mean to offensive!

I've never had this problem in previous relationships. This is the first guy I've dated who enjoys cuddling at night.

I've talked to my friends and they also would rather not cuddle at night.

How many GCers on here are the same way as me?

Any suggestions on how to deal with a boyfriend who takes my anti-cuddling behavior offensively?

sigmagrrl · #2 10-13-2003, 10:45 AM

How about, once in a while, giving in to the cuddling?? It could be nice and compromise is a good thing in a relationship...Neither of you are paying attention to the needs of the other and that's not going to work in the long run...You both want it your way, but need to try to see the other person's side.

How about trying it???

ETA: THIS WAS MY 1300th POST!! WOOHOO!

Lady Pi Phi · #3 10-13-2003, 10:45 AM

This thread reminded me of the episode of Friends where Chandler doesn't want to Cuddle with Janice so he asks Ross for advice. Ross then teaches him the "hug and roll".

Anyway, I'm one of those who does like to cuddle, so I probably won't give the best advice.
Since he's on the offensive when you bring it up, I don't think there's much you can say, no matter how polite you are about it.
Why not suggest that the 2 of you cuddle for a little bit before you go to sleep, and when you start drifiting off, tell him to stop and go to sleep.

Or maybe you could say to him, I don't like cuddling when I'm asleep because it makes me uncomfortable. And when I'm uncomfortable I don't get a good night sleep and then I'm cranky in the morning.

It seems to me that if you tell it's because he's a big guy and he's crushing you that' when he goes on the offensive, it might be because he's sensitive about his size.

ZTAngel · #4 10-13-2003, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi

It seems to me that if you tell it's because he's a big guy and he's crushing you that' when he goes on the offensive, it might be because he's sensitive about his size.

No, it's 215 pounds of all muscle. While he looks pretty, he sometimes doesn't realize his own strength when it comes to me.

So, cuddling hurts since his arm is like 50 pounds of pure muscle.

I've TRIED compromising with him and being like, "Let's just cuddle right as we're drifting off to sleep." He claims that he doesn't realize that he's cuddling with me at night. So cute. But, I believe that we can control a lot of the things we do subconsciously and in our sleep. I dunno. I guess there's not a solution to this. I will spend the rest of eternity trying to roll him back over to his side of the bed whenever he tries that in the middle of the night. It's like trying to move a log. So, I guess I'm just taking a poll of who enjoys cuddling.

Senusret I · #5 10-13-2003, 11:08 AM

I enjoy it.....it can be awkward and painful though, when your circulation gets cut off.

cashmoney · #6 10-13-2003, 11:20 AM

I can understand why your boyfriend gets upset about it all when you bring it up. There've been a couple of times where I punched my girlfriend in my sleep. Everytime she would bring it up I would feel bad because I know it hurt, so I'd change the subject. Then she still wanted to talk about it and then I'd get pissed. My girlfriend was smart, she learned to lay on her stomach so that her body was flat instead of on her side. It did two things. It made me not want to cuddle with her, and it lessoned her chances of being punched in our sleep. In the begining of the relationship I was pretty bad about rolling around and crushing her, she just kept pushing me to the other side everytime I did it or else she would wake me up and tell me to stop rolling around. Eventually I got a king size bed so we wouldn't have any problems, there was more than enough room. There was even enough room on the bed for my golden retriever to watch a movie with us, it was awesome.

These days I don't like to cuddle unless I'm drifting off to sleep. I think its just something that you grow into as you get older. The idea of cuddling sounds great and all but if it makes you more uncomfortable at night to the point of not getting to sleep, you should stop. I also snorr, or so I'm told. I don't think I snorr unless I've been drinking. At any rate, though, if it got bad I ended up being woke up and told to lay on my stomach. I think laying on your stomach solves many issues.

James · #7 10-13-2003, 11:27 AM

I feel for you here lol.

I think most of us like cuddling when we are awake . . .

I am not sure if I would call it "cuddling" when we sleep because there isn't affecton involved. You are just mindlessly seeking warmth and comfort.

Why does he get offended? I can't imagine that. Are you snippy when you say something to him? What an odd boy. Who is more masculine and dominant in the relationship, you or him lol?

I also don't sleep well entangled in someone else's arms, if only for the temperature issue. I burn pretty hot, I don't get coldhands or feet, so it will get intolerably warm for me with someone else's body temperature pressed against mine.

My advice. Be calm and use an analogy. There are lots of clothes you like to wear when you are awake, that would be really uncomfortable to wear if you are asleep. Same with cuddling, fine when you are awake, uncomfortable when sleeping.

There is no compromise here. You are are not in any way neglecting his needs. You need to sleep well. End of story.

cashmoney · #8 10-13-2003, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Why does he get offended? I can't imagine that. Are you snippy when you say something to him? What an odd boy. Who is more masculine and dominant in the relationship, you or him lol?

LOL

I'm totally with you on the heat comment. Body heat is a b!tch. I get hot so easily.

ThetaPrincess24 · #9 10-13-2003, 11:47 AM

As a hopeless romantic i LOVE to cuddle

anytime! However I must also agree with comments others have made here.......I like cuddling while I'm sleeping, but not a tight cuddle, as I tend to move around a lot when I sleep, and I MUST be free enough to do that.........also in the summer months while I cuddle often, I cuddle a lil bit less because I'm a bitch when I get hot, and CANNOT sleep when I'm hot..........I think it depends on the guy though, personal tastes, and what activity took place right before you decide to sleep hehehehe

smiley21 · #10 10-13-2003, 11:50 AM

i love to cuddle too. especially when i am sleeping cause it helps me sleep better. i agree with everyone when they say that you should compromise

James · #11 10-13-2003, 11:55 AM

I think everyone just reminded me why I actually don't like to spend the night.

ITs nice to go home, or have them go home, and just be able to SLEEP.

I mean sheez. We're done lol. Make yourself a sandwich and go home, there's cab fare on the counter. I'll call you when I am bright eyed and bushy tailed again, which will be after some hours of uncuddled sleep.

absolutuscchick · #12 10-13-2003, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by smiley21
i love to cuddle too. especially when i am sleeping cause it helps me sleep better. i agree with everyone when they say that you should compromise

I agree 100%. I love to cuddle. But compromise is theway to go.

sigmagrrl · #13 10-13-2003, 12:11 PM

Oh, forgot to state...

Cuddling ROCKS! Leads to bigger *wink* (PUN INTENDED) and better things!!

Rio_Kohitsuji · #14 10-13-2003, 12:11 PM

TKE209 is a cuddler...but so am I.

Try different positions to "settle" in right before you go to sleep, it helps on the crushing issue. *nods*

Lady Pi Phi · #15 10-13-2003, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
I think everyone just reminded me why I actually don't like to spend the night.

ITs nice to go home, or have them go home, and just be able to SLEEP.

I mean sheez. We're done lol. Make yourself a sandwich and go home, there's cab fare on the counter. I'll call you when I am bright eyed and bushy tailed again, which will be after some hours of uncuddled sleep.

Cuddling with a one night stand and cuddling with you SO are 2 different things.

Yeah I'd want the one night stand to leave too. And no I won't call you, and forget the sandwich and the cab fare.