Are Supermodels Super-Religious?
If reviewer J. Danielle Daniels could have her way Robin and Shannon wouldn't be on America's Next Top Model, they'd be in church, where they want to be.
By J. Danielle Daniels
It's funny how things work. Right up until the moment I saw modeling contestant Robin Manning with a Delta Sigma Theta sweatshirt on during the sleeper hit America's Next Top Model, I was actually considering becoming one. Oh, well.
* toocute's side note on this comment
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Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh. I'd hate to think that all Deltas are insufferable snobs, and I'd hate to think that all Protestants are overbearing holy rollers. I'd hate to think that all Tennesseans are backwoods hicks with accents thick enough to cut with machetes. And I'd hate to think that the students of Tennessee State University are that ignorant and homophobic. By the way, it's my duty as a journalist to demand that someone launches an investigation against TSU. If Tennessee State University gave that backwoods hick a Master's degree, stained sheets were involved, the Tiger graduate program is lacking, or I'm attending the wrong university, the type that requires proper spelling and whatnot.
Judging by Robin's overzealous religious faith, however, I'll go with the latter. In case you didn't catch it from the first seventy-five times it was mentioned, Robin is a Christian. I have a theory that Robin's a Christian like Destiny's Child's Beyonce is a Christian, that is, if she didn't tell you ever hour on the hour, you wouldn't know it. Now, I know blessed little about Robin's sector of faith, I'm Roman Catholic. But I have a real beef with Robin's God. You see, Robin's Lord and savior allows her to pop off at the mouth quite a bit, although I suppose she would call it testifying. Her God allows her to throw tantrums and treat other people like second-class citizens. And despite the Bible warning against judging folks, lest ye shall be judged, Robin drags around the house with her black robe and gavel in hand, condemning people to Hell.
In other words, the God in Robin's world, population one, sucks.
Consider a night where Robin calls super elitist and atheist Elyse Sewell over to read to her the Bible verse, The fool says in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, and their ways are vile; there is no one who does good. (Psalm 53:1) You may remember Sewell from cowering in the confessional booth, simpering, I'm the smartest one here. Everyone here is so dumb except me, of course. Eliminate me! Eliminate meeeee!(For the record, she's yet to you know just leave.)
Goodness knows if there's a fool in the house, Elyse is it, college degrees be d**ned. Still, no one deserves to be so blatantly and publicly attacked. Exactly what was Elyse supposed to reply? Robin wasn't prophesizing she was trying to get a rise out of the University of New Mexico graduate. Not the most Christian thing to do.
Ah, but the Church of Robin gets so much more condescending. During a fight (you'll see me type those words often) with fellow contestant Ebony Haith, this big, grown 26-year-old woman covered her ears and commenced to singing gospel as she walked away from a fight that she instigated! Then Manning gathered everyone up in what else! a house prayer, prattling on and on about the demons in the souls of the other contestants. And with that, a Bible verse of my own popped into my head: I myself have seen a fool taking root, but suddenly his house was cursed. (Job 5:3)
And just when you thought Robin couldn't be more of a jerk, trouble strikes. Ebony has the audacity to ask the house if, because she's from New York and they're in New York, she can invite her girlfriend over for a whopping hour or two. Robin, who's obviously convinced that homosexuality is contagious or something, launches into a tirade about how she feels that homosexuality is wrong and doesn't want a lesbian in her living quarters. The hell? Ebony said the house, not the bed, you country bumpkin! To make matters worse, when Ebony's girlfriend Ka comes to visit, Robin (along with fellow Jesus freak Shannon, who gives her views on unwarranted homosexuality as well) won't even come out of her room to meet this girl. And these are women who followed a man who walked with prostitutes and thieves.
But it gets so much better. During Tuesday's show, right before she launched into Ebony over her sexuality, Robin asked runway modeling pro J. Alexander to judge you still with me? a ba-doon-ka-donk dance contest. Yes, folks, friends and neighbors, Miss Holier-Than-Thou asked a man (although in Robin's defense, J. Alexander is gay. Wait) to judge a contest where she and her friends could shake it fast and watch themselves. Now, where in the Bible does it say that thou can shake thine rear mightily? Oh, I forgot! Preachy McSermon reads from the Queen Robin Bible, not the King James Version.
A friend of mine told me I was lazy for not entering the preliminaries for Top Model. What he didn't understand is that I'm not the reality TV type. I'm a little too real. Even if I had made the top ten, I would've been the Ebony of the group, no real chance of winning, but strictly there for entertainment purposes.
Me: Hey, I was wondering. Can I bring my boyfriend, his brother, his brother's girlfriend and six butt-nekkid strippers over? Oh, and Snoop Dogg too. Somebody's gotta film it all. Robin: Well, the Bible says -
Me: That's not what I asked you.
See? We could've cut through about 25 minutes of miscommunication. And every time Robin went off on one of her overzealous tangents, I'd probably follow her around with a tape of that music they play at award ceremonies when they want people to shut up and finish their speeches, or Marilyn Manson or something. Marilyn would actually fit, though. These girls indeed are all stars now, in Robin Manning's dope show.
First published: June 16, 2003
About the Author
J. Danielle Daniels is a freelance journalist attending Florida A&M University. She was recently named as a semifinalist in the Faces of the Future cover model contest. Daniels can be reached at
http://rattlerbrat.conforums.com.
Who is Cindi???
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