DARK/LIGHT...SKIN COLOR.........Is this still an issue? Let's be honest Sorors & SF'

[abaici]

It's amazing to me how this self-hate perpetuates. I would often have to school my students when they stated, "So and so has good hair" or "That boy is black"

I grew up and live in Cali, and the color thing is HORRIBLE here. I have soooo many stories from my childhood it's crazy. It was never my family, it was always "others"

[iceandivy]

I feel the person who said that some people think that to be pretty and dark, you HAVE to have long hair. I happen to have long hair, and be dark. In college, I was the dark skinned cheerleader with the long hair. I kept it so long that when I danced, it got caught under my arms all the time. I also know that the only reason that some people gave (and give) me the time of day is because of my hair. I think that is one of the reasons I kept it long. Recently, I have cut it shorter and shorter... just to see. It is at my shoulders now. Funny thing is... white guys who have noticed me... nothing changed. Black guys who noticed... dropped a bit. Now when it gets up to my ears, we'll see what happens!

Oh, and my mom always told me that darker women look best in pastels... I agree.

Also, my cousin and I are both chocolate, and we are usually approached by lighter skinned men (some damn near white). Does anyone know why this is? Fellas... talk to me!

Eva
www.movetodcmetro.com

[Jill1228]

I love wearing bright colors and if I had a dollar for everytime someone gave me grief for wearing bright colors (my family), I would retire. And I did NOT have long hair so that was a strike against me! Didn't want to do a weave either. Fellas would trample me to talk to my older sister.

[markmywords]

Originally posted by ShiningStar83


But on a lighter note, I have a "thing" for dark skinned guys

I don't understand this mentality either. This smacks of the same nonsense just in reverse. Just b/c darker skinned people have been marginalized it doesn't make any sense to turn around and marginalize lighter skinned folks. I get in this argument all of the time when people say "oh it's just my preference." What's wrong w/ just plain prefering someone who is Black?

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by markmywords
I don't understand this mentality either. This smacks of the same nonsense just in reverse. Just b/c darker skinned people have been marginalized it doesn't make any sense to turn around and marginalize lighter skinned folks. I get in this argument all of the time when people say "oh it's just my preference." What's wrong w/ just plain prefering someone who is Black?

Seriously, how is this (what ShiningStar said about prefering darker-skinned brothas ) any different from a person that prefers a black women......

with long hair
with short hair
with natural hair
with straightened hair
weigh less than 130 lbs.
weigh more than 130 lbs.
with pretty eyes
with no kids
etc.

Where does a person "cross the line" so to speak from simply having a preference to marginalizing lighter or darker skinned folks? If I prefer to NOT date a brotha that wears locks, am in some way marginalizing that aspect of black culture as well?

[Dionysus]

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974
Seriously, how is this (what ShiningStar said about prefering darker-skinned brothas ) any different from a person that prefers a black women......

with long hair
with short hair
with natural hair
with straightened hair
weigh less than 130 lbs.
weigh more than 130 lbs.
with pretty eyes
with no kids
etc.

Where does a person "cross the line" so to speak from simply having a preference to marginalizing lighter or darker skinned folks? If I prefer to NOT date a brotha that wears locks, am in some way marginalizing that aspect of black culture as well?

I'm not really sure where one crosses the line and see all sides to this, but I think it is unfortunate that we cannot have a preference like everyone else, without being accused of having self-hatred.

[Sistermadly]

For me the difference between expressing a preference and prejudice is this:

If you express a preference for something, you are saying that you would choose someone with that characteristic above all others - but that you would not exclude anyone who didn't fit that criteria.

If you're demonstrating prejudice, you're basically saying that you only want that one thing and nothing else.

[Bamboozled]

Originally posted by markmywords
I don't understand this mentality either. This smacks of the same nonsense just in reverse. Just b/c darker skinned people have been marginalized it doesn't make any sense to turn around and marginalize lighter skinned folks. I get in this argument all of the time when people say "oh it's just my preference." What's wrong w/ just plain prefering someone who is Black?

I totally agree with you on this. I was just having this conversation with one of my girlfriends the other day. She is dark skinned and often talks about ignorant comments that others make or how some men will straight up tell her they would date her if she was lighter. I understand the pain behind that and I think it's awful. However, five minutes later we were talking about a guy I was dating who happens to be light skinned and she commented that she and I have such different tastes because she is NEVER attracted to lighter men. Huh? How is that any different than what men have said to her? I never understood why it's PC for women to say they only date light/dark skinned men, but when a man admits that he has a preference, whether it be light or dark, he's color struck. Now, I'm not saying that it's right for either to say it. I just don't get the whole color preference thing. Maybe I don't get it because I love brothas whether light or dark, dreaded or bald, tall or taller , etc... *sigh* I guess I just love men.

[Conskeeted7]

I've noticed that it usually makes a difference what color you are when you make these kind of comments. For me, a honey colored sista, to say that I don't date dark skin men would be out of line. But if I said that I didn't want to date light skin men, people would not be offended.

I think it's ridiculous that we exclude color as something that we are allowed to have a preference about. We can say loud and clear that we don't date short men, or fat girls, or people with bad skin, or girls who wear weaves, but color we aren't supposed to care about. It's just ridiculous to me.

[sphinxpoet]

Being darkskinned I do not a have a problem with the shade of people. However I do like women with certain traits physically. A preference does not make you ignorant. However if that is the sole basis that you choose as an indvidual then that is stupid beyond belief. To judge one ability to be a compatible partner based on skin tone is ignorant! There are many beautiful sistas and brothers out there regardless of their skin tone.

[markmywords]

My issue is this. What are sometimes seemed as preferences often become prejudices. Why is it that I've heard several little black children say things like "i don't like him he's too black" or "i'll only date light skinned women." That is no longer a preference that is a prejudice often learned in the home. What does that tell the members of the group that aren't so called preferred?

Instead of preferring a skin tone, why not prefer someone who has a relationship with God, who is independent, who knows how to care for a mate, someone who possesses a thirst for knowledge. Why not ask for these things and let God provide a mate suitable for you. If God brings you a mate I'm sure it will be someone you "prefer".

[Conskeeted7]

Originally posted by markmywords
My issue is this. What are sometimes seemed as preferences often become prejudices. Why is it that I've heard several little black children say things like "i don't like him he's too black" or "i'll only date light skinned women." That is no longer a preference that is a prejudice often learned in the home. What does that tell the members of the group that aren't so called preferred?

Instead of preferring a skin tone, why not prefer someone who has a relationship with God, who is independent, who knows how to care for a mate, someone who possesses a thirst for knowledge. Why not ask for these things and let God provide a mate suitable for you. If God brings you a mate I'm sure it will be someone you "prefer".

I agree that there are intellectual qualities and moral convictions that should be considered in choosing a mate. However, it is unrealistic to expect everyone to look solely at those qualities. To sustain a relationship, there has to be attraction on all levels, physical included. So, why is it so wrong to admit that you prefer a certain look? Sure, I wanted someone who could treat me well and loved the Lord more than me. But I also would have had trouble waking up to someone who I found repulsive physically. I'm sorry if that sounds wrong, but I don't think it is. It is my preference for my mate.

Now, if I took that preference and turned it into my hiring practices or the people I choose to live near, it becomes a prejudice, not simply because I chose a mate that I was attracted to.

[mccoyred]

I think the problem stems from people who turn away from/discount/insult someone JUST BECAUSE they don't fit a personal 'preference'.

I am chocolate but all of my serious relationships, even my marriage, have been with light-skinned men. Not necessarily my preference, it just worked out that way. Now I have had relationships with brown- and dark-skinned men but for whatever reason, they did not develop into long-term or serious relationships. Hence the reason why my mother thinks that I prefer light-skinned men; nothing wrong with that, but it is just erroneous.

Originally posted by Conskeeted7
I agree that there are intellectual qualities and moral convictions that should be considered in choosing a mate. However, it is unrealistic to expect everyone to look solely at those qualities. To sustain a relationship, there has to be attraction on all levels, physical included. So, why is it so wrong to admit that you prefer a certain look? Sure, I wanted someone who could treat me well and loved the Lord more than me. But I also would have had trouble waking up to someone who I found repulsive physically. I'm sorry if that sounds wrong, but I don't think it is. It is my preference for my mate.

Now, if I took that preference and turned it into my hiring practices or the people I choose to live near, it becomes a prejudice, not simply because I chose a mate that I was attracted to.

[Eclipse]

If someone had asked me my preference before I got married I would have said darker skinned men. Most, if not all, of the men I dated were medium brown and darker, save my 8th grade crush that I went to the Fair with and when we went on the Tilt a whirl...wait, I'm digressing!

Anyway...I met my now husband in college and fell in love with his mind. I freaked out one day when I compared his leg to mine and realized how light he was. I was like "but I don't date light skinned men!" Stupid, I know.....

I know of situations where people fell in love with folks they did not initally think were attractive (not just because of skin color). You will be suprised what you find endearing after you fall in love....

[Choo-ChooAKA]

I always dated men over 6'2". I actually sought them out (color was never a factor as long as they were Af Am). About 6 mos after I met my husband I realized that he is only a couple of inches taller than I (I'm 5'6") and that he's actually quite handsome.

It's funny how when I fell, I fell hard. His looks were just sooo far from my heart that they didn't even register for the longest time. And before that, looks were so very important! Go figure.