A question for my Bruhs . . . Part II

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by dirtymike1906:
I would never say that a relationship would be impossible or less worthy, rather it would be quite unusual. Wouldn't you say?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I would. Undoubtedly.

[DST Love]

Originally posted by dirtymike1906:
And for the record, we have ALL(well, probably most if not all) slept with SOMEBODY early on, and that doesn't necessarily disqualify that person as "good."

Just glad you corrected it to MOST and not ALL .

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by Sexy Mocha:
Like my Soror asked....What about the man's sexual behavior??? Professor, what if this "good girl" finds out about some of your past indiscretions?

As far as morals and values counting anymore...does this apply to men as well? If we passed up every "around the way" man and waited for a virgin "good boy" to come along...I imagine we would be waiting for a LONG time!

Yeah, but as the brutha said, he's waiting on the kind of woman THAT DID pass up every man that came along-until now.

[tickledpink]

Originally posted by AKA2D '91:
To play devil's advocate...

What about her sexual behavior? What about your sexual behavior? The only thing that one should be concerned with is the HERE AND NOW!

"Good Girl?" definition please... All that is GOOD AIN'T GOLD! LOL

Good point Soror. I admire what Professor is saying, and I feel that women should hold the same view. To turn it into a woman's perspective: If a man immediately tries to woo you into bed, he is not a man that should be considered for a long lasting relationship. It's an indication of his sexual behaviors.

My question is, why is it that if a female approaches a male and offeres sex, so many of them are quick to jump on it? And "it's a male thing" is not an acceptable answer. That indicates the easiness of men also. Is this man marriage material? Can he maintain self control after he is married, since he has so little control before he was married? We know that once a male is involved in a relationship, he will be approached by all kinds of women. What assurance do women have that a man will not "jump" at every advance, other than what we've seen exhibited?

[Professor]

I'll get back to you with an answer on tomorrow sexy one!!!!

Originally posted by Sexy Mocha:
Like my Soror asked....What about the man's sexual behavior??? Professor, what if this "good girl" finds out about some of your past indiscretions?

As far as morals and values counting anymore...does this apply to men as well? If we passed up every "around the way" man and waited for a virgin "good boy" to come along...I imagine we would be waiting for a LONG time!

[SweetestDiva]

Originally posted by Professor:
Any woman that I can take to bed easily will NEVER be a woman that I could consider having a serious relationship with. Don't get me wrong, we could hang out and enjoy each other but that's about it.

My question is this:

Would you consider yourself "easy" after sleeping with a woman on the first date? Would you say that sleeping with her the first night means you have low moral standards? Probably not, but that would be the assumption about the female. What makes it different for the 2 sexes?

[Professor]

Call it programming, training, upbringing, a mans world, or whatever! I don't make the rules. We do live in a society where equality among the sexes does not exist! MOST female children are trained to keep their legs closed until marriage and for men - well - I don't think I was told anything about the frequency of sex partners or what the appropriate time is. It was just said - "don't be out there making babies you can't take of and put a rubber on if you gonna be fast! Let's face it! MEN JUST ARE NOT looked upon harshly for sleeping around. I'm not saying its right. I'm just saying this is how it is - -

Now women - everybody knows that EVEN women call girls fast, hoes, . . . and all the rest if a female gives it up too often and too quickly! This is nothing new. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!

Seriously, I can't answer the question why men and women are not both viewed equally as it relates to sexual behavior. I will agree that it is the same principle be it a man or woman sleeping around. However, realistically it's just not viewed the same.

On another note - that show sex in the city that comes on HBO. Can you imagine a sister on tv telling everyone she's black, independent and will %*&k any and everything she wants.

Originally posted by Sexy Mocha:
Like my Soror asked....What about the man's sexual behavior??? Professor, what if this "good girl" finds out about some of your past indiscretions?

As far as morals and values counting anymore...does this apply to men as well? If we passed up every "around the way" man and waited for a virgin "good boy" to come along...I imagine we would be waiting for a LONG time!

[meeks]

Originally posted by Professor:
It was just said - "don't be out there making babies you can't take of and put a rubber on if you gonna be fast!

My Bf's mother told him this exact same thing...even though he is 22 years old. I guess she figures since we been together for so long that we're gonna get lazy....

[DSTSolo01]

I really felt compelled to respond to this topic....because it's something similar to a situation I am currently in. I'm involved with a guy, we've been intimate for some time now without a committment, and now that I am pressing the issue of committment, it seems as if he is dodging it.. and I wonder if it's because we've already been together sexually.. does he still respect me? Our relationship didn't start out as purely physical.. we started as friends and gradually worked our way up to being physical.

But it just kills me how a guy will be all over you, trying to get in your draws, and if you give in, then you're a whore, you're easy.. Why isn't he the whore for pushing up on you? And then if you don't give in, then you're a tease or playing games? I hate the double standard in this country. Why is it that women aren't allowed to want sex? **Women get H*RNY too!!!!** Yet when we try to satisfy our desires, we are ostracized for it.


------------------
Determined
Solo
Tenacious
Assertive
Creative
Essence

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by DSTSolo01:
I really felt compelled to respond to this topic....because it's something similar to a situation I am currently in. I'm involved with a guy, we've been intimate for some time now without a committment, and now that I am pressing the issue of committment, it seems as if he is dodging it.. and I wonder if it's because we've already been together sexually.. does he still respect me? Our relationship didn't start out as purely physical.. we started as friends and gradually worked our way up to being physical.

But it just kills me how a guy will be all over you, trying to get in your draws, and if you give in, then you're a whore, you're easy.. Why isn't he the whore for pushing up on you? And then if you don't give in, then you're a tease or playing games? I hate the double standard in this country. Why is it that women aren't allowed to want sex? **Women get H*RNY too!!!!** Yet when we try to satisfy our desires, we are ostracized for it.

Don't worry about what other people think. Be discreet, but be yourself. I aint hatin'but if that brutha doesn't want to commit, ask him why not. Let him know you're woman enough for the truth, then accept his answer and continue on with it, or move on without him.

[Sexy Mocha]

Originally posted by Professor:
On another note - that show sex in the city that comes on HBO. Can you imagine a sister on tv telling everyone she's black, independent and will %*&k any and everything she wants.

Yes, I suppose I can imagine that. The very essence of the term "independent, black female" describes, to me, a woman who shows a love and desire for freedom...one that does not tolerate restraints, who is disposed to think and act freely without depending on the opinions or guidance of others to dictate her conduct.

I have engaged in quite a few "Sex In The City" moments as far as having explicit conversations with friends in coffee shops, etc. (The last one taking place over breakfast at the International House of Pancakes) ....so I have been exposed to professional, independent, black women having these type of discussions. I, personally, don't have a take on it either way.

**Disclaimer: I am not here to debate whether or not sleeping around is appropriate**


[This message has been edited by Sexy Mocha (edited May 18, 2001).]

[DELTABRAT]

Hmmm....

Interesting.

There is clearly a double standard for men and women that is dictated by society. Most people play into it until it personally disturbs them.

For instance, my mom feels like if a young girl wants to "kick it" with my brothers, that is for their mother to worry about. She will say" Men are dawgs and will only do what you allow." So if you wanna let your daughter hoe (for lack of better word) that's your issue. However, I couldn't have calls from boys until 16. Boys couldn't come past the living rooms EVER, hell even now or my brothers/mom would hurt them.

Men and women enter into what psychologists call a silent contract which is what is happening in your situation Soror (DSTSolo01)
Here is what "supposedly" happens (it may not apply to you)

Man and woman meet. He is up front about the fact that he is not trying to get into anything serious. She lets on that she wants a man/committment. Note: At this point, the outlooks are different so people need to step. Instead, they sleep together. Silent Contract is: Man interprets this as "Cool. She knows I ain't trying to be serious and she still gave up the panties. It's on." Women's interpretation is "Now that I've given up the booty, he will eventually come around." It may not be a conscious thought, but it happens all the time.

Sometimes people get into a mutual silent contract where both parties are basically in it for the sex. Sadly though, eventually someone's emotions (usually ours) gets the better of them and they want more and the brothah is like "I need some distance."

That's when we start stalking and breaking windows, slashing tires...oops...going on a tangent. You get the picture.

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by DELTABRAT:
That's when we start stalking and breaking windows, slashing tires...oops...going on a tangent. You get the picture.

LMAO!