Approaching Collegiates as an Alum

[shadokat]

I am a Regional Advisor for my national sorority, and one of the chapters in my region is the chapter I graduated from. I have always gone back for alum events, donated money, and let them know that I am there if they need me. When I became a Regional Advisor, I got them an alumnae chapter advisor who was from the chapter as well. We both put in a lot of volunteer work and time for the chapter, but feel that all they do is resent us for trying to help.

Is it possible that these women would rather just be left alone? The chapter is in major recruitment trouble, along with numerous operations problems. Does there come a point in time when you say, I can only do what they ask for, and turn your back? The chapter advisor called me and told me that they asked her not to invite alums to their first round of rush, because it would give the impression of being a larger group than what they are. Isn't this ridiculous???

Any advice would be really appreciated.

[LexiKD]

I think alumna should ALWAYS help out a chapter in need. You have been there and know a little more than the typical college member so if they need you or anyone to help you would know!
You could use it to motivate...if they shape up and do really well with the help then you will not need to be there next time.
I think it is crazy to ask you not to come...I think if you were introduced and given the respect an alumna deserves then it would be an awesome recruitment experience for a Potential New Member...it shows there is sorority life after graduation and it really is a lifetime commitment!
I have been a sorority president and on Panhellenic and the most important lesson I learned was, what is in the best intrest of the chapter goes no matter the resistence!

[sigmagrrl]

I had a similar experience. The women in my chapter were mad that the alums were interfering too much and that they would like to "make their own mistakes". There is a difference between wanting to learn how to run the chapter and purposely ignoring national policy. I am finding that some chapters don't want alums around because they feel the alums are trying to relive their college days. You know what? Sure, I want to participate in a rush once in a while because they are fun, but we have also been there and made those mistakes they are on the road to making. Our jobs as alumnae advisors and national officers is to support and maintain the integrity of the sorority as a whole and the individual chapters. There is a line between overinvolvement and true support. I think that difference is when you try to start running the chapter and not just giving advice.

[shadokat]

Well, I agree that alums, especially at some chapters, want to be involved so that things don't change. It's a shame, because they completely ignore new policy and procedures that the national has now passed.

I hope the chapter sees the light that alumnae volunteers are there for support and guidance, and not to make the sorority like it was when they were collegiates.

[Gizmo]

I have seen this issue from both sides and it is difficult to navigate these waters. I am a founding member of my chapter and many times I have seen the efforts of the alumni rebuffed.

First you need to make sure that your efforts are solicited. If they are not, stop your efforts and just make sure that they know you are there for any advice they may need. You will probably have to repeat this pretty often in the beginning especially when you see them struggling. One way that we have begun to deal with this issue is to find a liaison among the recent graduates or alums in particularly good standing with the actives. The relationship will improve as the alum realize that they should only act when asked and then try NOT to take over the entire "event" or item.

The relationship will also continue to improve when the actives have someone that they can bring their concerns directly to. Problems with particular alumni will arise and this is one way of working on the problems. This is an important step as the lines of communication need to stay open or even be opened. In our chapters, the lines of communication were non-existant and we have begun to open them in this manner.

As time passes, you will notice that their decisions are not bad just different from what the chapter would have done while you were there. That is the time when your alumni will realize that they are doing a very good job and dealing with all their difficulties well. An added benefit of offering less overwhelming help and advice is that they will come to truly appreciate your advice on tough issues. But only if the advice offered is sparse and preferably solicited.

As your alumni and actives develop these skills in asking and providing help, you will find that they really do like to have you come back. And the actives do want all alumni to stay in touch with them. But they like to have a certain amount of control over when you come back and mostly, how much you critize. Realize that to them criticism can be phrased, "Well, when I was active..."

It can get better, but yes, first you do have to stop doing as much as you are. Remember, just remind them, especially when you see them in difficulties, that you are there for support and/or advice. Whichever THEY need. You will find they appreciate those alumni best.

Best wishes,
OUgizmoASK

[shadokat]

Gizmo--

I agree with you, but the problem is that the chapter is on probation with national, and I have been advised by national to deal with them by visiting and working with them. It's not that either of us is asking for help or offering. It's national wanting the probation to be dealt with.

[AXO Alum]

Originally posted by shadokat:
Gizmo--

I agree with you, but the problem is that the chapter is on probation with national, and I have been advised by national to deal with them by visiting and working with them. It's not that either of us is asking for help or offering. It's national wanting the probation to be dealt with.

Hi Shadokat -
I have been in your shoes (not as a regional advisor) but as a member of the advisory board to a chapter on probation. We have heard the chapter go from blaming us as alums for not supporting them, to having them blame us for always being nosey (even though the regular alums aren't involved with chapter business - just the alum advisors) back to them saying we don't support them. It is just so ridiculous sometimes. BUT - when you say the word PROBATION then we have a whole new ballgame -- we have dealt with this too and you know what -- too bad -- the collegians got themselves into a bind, and we as alums are responsible for stepping in and helping repair things whether they like it or not. The only other alternative is what, losing a charter? I worked too hard for that charter on the wall to lose it over a bunch of girls who think they run the world. Yes, they need to make their chapter run, and yes, they need to make mistakes and learn how to deal with them, but when those "mistakes" are so severe that it puts MY charter in danger, then I am so sorry charlie. What I have experienced too is that these girls that are generally responsible for the "mistakes" (whether it be alcohol policy infraction, grades, whatever) don't even stick with the sorority. They don't like being on social probation (no parties for one whole year) so they quit. And even if they do stick it out, they don't remain active as alums - and never had any intentions to do so. So I guess what I'm saying is that its worth it for me and the alums that I work with to help them "clean up" their mistakes for the sake of the chapter as a whole. For the sake of that charter on the wall that means the world to me. (You can tell that I am pissed because we just went through this with them and their whining that we want to run their chapter) -- we have no desire to run their chapter, and when they get off probation (*hopefully*) they should learn what not to do next time, and how to grow from this mistake. Alum advisor involvement during this time is crucial in making sure that the chapter regains its foothold and comes back stronger than before.

I'm sorry you are in this position from the standpoint that it really does leave you in a Catch22 -- I just know that the moment I graduated, that charter on the wall became 100 times more important to me -- I helped build that chapter, and I don't want to lose it.

[33girl]

Originally posted by AXO Alum:
I worked too hard for that charter on the wall to lose it over a bunch of girls who think they run the world. Yes, they need to make their chapter run, and yes, they need to make mistakes and learn how to deal with them, but when those "mistakes" are so severe that it puts MY charter in danger, then I am so sorry charlie.

AXO Alum - I hope you are just venting with us and not really this upset about the situation 24/7. Please tell me if I am misreading you but the feeling I get from your post is "these girls are a bunch of incompetents who are barely worthy of sisterhood and we have to pull their sorry butts out of the fire." If you have that much anger you need to get out of where you are because nothing constructive will happen when you have such low expectations.

Again I'm sorry if I offended you, and if you are just venting please let me know. It's just rare and worrisome to see you get so upset.

It is a hard, hard row to hoe, I admit that, and it takes a hell of a lot of trust and confidence in your sisters and yourself. I commend you (or anyone) who can do it and not go insane.

[shadokat]

Thanks AXO Alum. It is a tough situation, but I think what makes it tougher is that I take their shunning personally because it's my chapter, and I have to learn to just let that crap roll off of my back. I am not personally responsible for "saving" the chapter. I left my chapter in perfectly capable hands when I graduated, and if they've recruited members that aren't up to par, then it is my job to help them get up to par, and to find new women that are up to the challenges of the sorority.

Thank you all for your help. Keep it coming

[Tom Earp]

Remember, if not for the Alums participating , no matter how strong a chapter may be they will wane.
My house did that and almost got charter pulled.
There was NO contact with the Alum for a long time and cried because there was no backing.
Well boys and girls I still love my Fraternity but if if I am Ignored then what the Hell!
The was before you are the ones that did the building, it is You to keep the building stable!



------------------
Tom Earp LX Z#1
Pittsburg State U. (Kansas)

[Gizmo]

I am sorry to hear that your active chapter is on probation. And you are right. That changes the situation entirely and I believe that you have every right to be closely watching and monitoring their activities if they are that out of touch with your national organization. If the actives know that you have been asked by nationals to keep an eye on them, then they really need to adjust their attitudes. Good luck, that is a really messy situation to be in and I can easily imagine that it would be very difficult to navigate through those waters without some problems.

*HUGS*

Originally posted by shadokat:

Is it possible that these women would rather just be left alone? The chapter is in major recruitment trouble, along with numerous operations problems. Does there come a point in time when you say, I can only do what they ask for, and turn your back? The chapter advisor called me and told me that they asked her not to invite alums to their first round of rush, because it would give the impression of being a larger group than what they are. Isn't this ridiculous???

Any advice would be really appreciated.

I've always heard the impression that a group is bigger than it is was a good thing. Also, many rush guests will recognize that alum are present, esp considering the alum are probalby introduced with I'm so and so, an alum from XXXX.

I wish you the best of luck with the chapter. And I have a sugguestion for you. Sometimes part of the tension between actives and alum is because each group doesn't know each other. I'm not sure of the size of the chapter. But it might be wise for small numbers of alum and active sisters to meet for dinner and just talk. (much like active sisters would do for new members.) It may help to break down some of the tensions, if actives and alum new each other a bit better.

[coffeemug]

I work on the national level mostly dealing with chapters with recruitment problems. I think the oe thing I have learned is that if the chapter doesn't recognize they need help than no national help is going to make any impression. Sometimes you have to wait until things get really bad ie matching only a handful in formal rush etc until a chapter turns to the alums and say "help"

Hang in there, be around, pick your battles, be positive and eventually they may surprise you!!