"You'll end up where you were meant to"...

[Cookiez17]

I forgot who said it here, but a PNM should picture herself "during finals week, with messy hair, living in sweats, and in need of a shower." and I took that to heart. I don't blame 18 year olds in thinking "oh I'm hot stuff ABC is a low even when they invited me back over DEF who is the one others kill to get into." since I was there once. It takes maturity in knowing where you fit conversation/vibe wise, but with many going through fall recruitment and having that be their first campus exposer, it's sadly normal.

I do remember that during virtual recruitment, a lot of this was thrown out the window with there being zero tent talk between PNMs, so not only a lot of girls were going with their gut rather than appearance, but many "low" chapters were making quota.

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by Cookiez17

[edit] I do remember that during virtual recruitment, a lot of this was thrown out the window with there being zero tent talk between PNMs, so not only a lot of girls were going with their gut rather than appearance, but many "low" chapters were making quota.

.

During this same virtual recruitment time frame, both strong and weak NPC chapters were experiencing closures and membership attrition due to members desiring wild, radical changes from the orgs they'd managed to join but failed to completely and legitimately understand. So despite low groups achieving quota during virtuals, some still had to close.

And going back to carnation's twenty-year-old OP: is the NPC thinking of returning to pre-RFM days for the sake of interested young women who ONLY want to join a PARTICULAR sorority? Is there a hope by The Most Wanted Sororities to satisfy the needs of many discriminating PNM students to join Only The Best Groups by allowing all Most Favorite Groups to pledge as many women as they want and/or who want them?

Would the NPC then lose member groups whose membership size, degree of love from rushees and finances may be smaller than those of the Favorite Groups?

[carnation]

Originally Posted by Cheerio

And going back to carnation's twenty-year-old OP: is the NPC thinking of returning to pre-RFM days for the sake of interested young women who ONLY want to join a PARTICULAR sorority? Is there a hope by The Most Wanted Sororities to satisfy the needs of many discriminating PNM students to join Only The Best Groups by allowing all Most Favorite Groups to pledge as many women as they want and/or who want them?

Would the NPC then lose member groups whose membership size, degree of love from rushees and finances may be smaller than those of the Favorite Groups?

PERFECT. Because I well remember the days of, say, half a campus's groups getting massive pledge classes and a couple more pulling up to quota after a month, and everybody else struggling all year.

[carnation]

bump for fall 2023!

[owlsandkeys]

This is such a great post! The "everyone ends up where they're supposed to!!!" narrative is not true, and I wish people would stop saying it to PNMs.

IMO, they need to be more honest with PNMs about the fact that recruitment (especially in the early rounds) is largely a numbers game, and because there simply isn't enough time for chapters to get to know everyone as well as they would like to, a lot of great girls will be dropped from houses where they would have fit in, and where the girls really liked them but knew other PNMs better and didn't have spots for everyone. It doesn't mean that they're an outcast who didn't fit in anywhere, but that's what these heartbroken PNMs hear when they've been heavily cut or dropped completely and are told, "everyone ends up where they are supposed to."

[RedRover]

I know several women who participated in rush/recruitment at different colleges and universities but for some reason choose to withdraw from rush, turned a down a bid or were released early in recruitment process. No woman regretted her final decision nor did any woman regret participating in rush/recruitment

All of the women were grateful for the opportunity to get a peek into sorority life and for the opportunity to see if sorority life was right for them. Several of the women said that they made lasting friendships with the women they met in their rush groups and/or in the dorms during the recruitment process. More than one of the women married men who were fraternity members.

A couple of women were wistful, saying that maybe at a another campus or at another time, they might have pledged a sorority.

All of the women said that they had positive college experiences. As one friend said "There is life after college -- careers, family etc."

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by owlsandkeys

This is such a great post! The "everyone ends up where they're supposed to!!!" narrative is not true, and I wish people would stop saying it to PNMs.

Well, they all end up on Planet Earth

[owlsandkeys]

When talking to any PNM who has been released or whose only remaining invitations were to struggling houses that are widely mocked and ridiculed (and regardless of our feelings on this, it's a reality on most campuses)... I think it's important to try to look at it through the perspective of a teenage girl who is likely experiencing the first major rejection of her life and feels completely unwanted and alone; not that of an adult with years of life experience to draw from. When you're decades removed from it or have never been through it, it's so easy to be dismissive of the emotional devastation that a disappointing recruitment can leave in its wake.

[FSUZeta]

Yes!!!^^^

[NoID]

Originally Posted by owlsandkeys

When talking to any PNM who has been released or whose only remaining invitations were to struggling houses that are widely mocked and ridiculed (and regardless of our feelings on this, it's a reality on most campuses)... I think it's important to try to look at it through the perspective of a teenage girl who is likely experiencing the first major rejection of her life and feels completely unwanted and alone; not that of an adult with years of life experience to draw from. When you're decades removed from it or have never been through it, it's so easy to be dismissive of the emotional devastation that a disappointing recruitment can leave in its wake.

Please allow me the dignity of bemoaning the fact that women are permitted to get to college age without experiencing what she feels is a major rejection.

[*winter*]

Bumping this with the greatest response of all…truly meant to be for this sister!

Originally Posted by LionTamer

This reminds me of a weird rush incident. At the time, there were 16 sororities and we seemed to be a lot of great PNMs' "safety" sorority - we always had a 3 crowded preference parties, but ended up losing so many of our favorites to the "top 3".

So it was our last pref party, I was tired and cranky, and I knew that the next day, most of my favorite girls would be going elsewhere.

I sat down next to a lovely girl, poised, beautiful voice, perfect posture, perfect hair, perfect makeup, and holding a yellow and red carnation and a little booklet with a kite on the cover, clearly indicating where she had visited before us (I won't mention what two other sororities were involved Note to youngsters: Back in the day, you were allowed to give PNMs small gifts - nothing valuable - tokens like flowers, hand-made booklets, etc.)

Anyway, she said "I have no idea how I'm going to make this choice. It's really going to be tough!"

OK. That was it. I'd had it.

I looked her right in the eye and, dripping sarcasm, I said "Oh, you know exactly where you want to go. Don't torture yourself, just go with your gut write down your favorite and leave it at that. You'll end up where you were meant to go."

The next day, much to my horror, there she was, in our suite. She came right over to me, hugged me and said "Thank you so much! I knew I wanted to go ASA, but everyone kept telling me different things. So I followed your advice, and you're right! It was easy!"

Thank God sarcasm goes right over some people's heads. And yes, of course she ended up as chapter President at some point, blah, blah, blah.

[TLLK]

Originally Posted by *winter*

Bumping this with the greatest response of all…truly meant to be for this sister!

I am so glad that this post was bumped because it was the perfect response and I loved the ending.