I am a legacy and wants to follow in my mother’s footsteps but I’m not sure anymore.

[Cheri45b]

Hello, I am an undergraduate student who has always been pushed to pledge like my mom did. Obviously I was always open to the idea, but when I made my college decision I ended up going to a school that forbids Greek life. My mother informed me that I still had a chance to go during my graduate years if I wanted to. The only reason I am hesitant is because when I look at my mom that is my visualization of her sorority. It is nothing negative, I admire my mother extremely. But I accepted that I am not my mother, and honestly we are completely different from each other. My mother is very girly and extremely confident, and I always been the sporty and more introverted person in our family. I know it’s not accurate to assume that one organization has the same personalities, but I can’t beat the feeling that I won’t fit in or live up to their standards. This has been something that stopped me everytime I think about the idea of pledging. Call me out if I am overthinking this whole situation (I tend to do that a lot), and also see if you can clear up my misconceived thoughts about sororities in general. Thank you!

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by Cheri45b

Hello, I am an undergraduate student who has always been pushed to pledge like my mom did. Obviously I was always open to the idea, but when I made my college decision I ended up going to a school that forbids Greek life. My mother informed me that I still had a chance to go during my graduate years if I wanted to. The only reason I am hesitant is because when I look at my mom that is my visualization of her sorority. It is nothing negative, I admire my mother extremely. But I accepted that I am not my mother, and honestly we are completely different from each other. My mother is very girly and extremely confident, and I always been the sporty and more introverted person in our family. I know it’s not accurate to assume that one organization has the same personalities, but I can’t beat the feeling that I won’t fit in or live up to their standards. This has been something that stopped me everytime I think about the idea of pledging. Call me out if I am overthinking this whole situation (I tend to do that a lot), and also see if you can clear up my misconceived thoughts about sororities in general. Thank you!

QFP

[APhi2KD]

There are sporty introverts in plenty of chapters that would welcome you with open arms.
I honestly don’t know about rushing as a grad student, but my advice if you did or say, if you transfer as an undergrad and rush, would be to understand there are some houses that look beyond girly/confident PNMs and some that don’t. If you got recommendation letters, you could ask that they include these traits (some rec forms actually ask this—“what kind of person would she be most comfortable talking to?” etc..)

But bottom line, this is YOUR life. Your mom had her college experience. This one is yours.

You acknowledge being very different than she, so obviously your experience wouldn’t be the same. Whether you want to explore recruitment is YOUR decision. I was thrilled for my daughter when she found a house that means as much to her as mine did to me. But if she didn’t care to explore a Greek life, that would be fine.

Some questions to ask yourself—
Is this something that interests you at all?
Are you afraid of trying recruitment and feeling like you’ve failed if you don’t get a bid?
Are you more worried that you would pledge for her but not be happy in a sorority?
Do you feel that not going through recruitment is somehow thumbing your nose at your mom?
Did you choose an non-Greek school to avoid the issue?
Do you feel that you are missing out on something or more that you didn’t turn in an assignment?

You do not need to fit the mold to be a wonderful contribution to any organization. I think you need to decide if this is a monkey that needs to be removed or something you wish to explore. If it is not, that is perfectly okay. It’s your life—live it as you, not as your mom.

[clemsongirl]

Originally Posted by Cheri45b

Hello, I am an undergraduate student who has always been pushed to pledge like my mom did. Obviously I was always open to the idea, but when I made my college decision I ended up going to a school that forbids Greek life. My mother informed me that I still had a chance to go during my graduate years if I wanted to. The only reason I am hesitant is because when I look at my mom that is my visualization of her sorority. It is nothing negative, I admire my mother extremely. But I accepted that I am not my mother, and honestly we are completely different from each other. My mother is very girly and extremely confident, and I always been the sporty and more introverted person in our family. I know it’s not accurate to assume that one organization has the same personalities, but I can’t beat the feeling that I won’t fit in or live up to their standards. This has been something that stopped me everytime I think about the idea of pledging. Call me out if I am overthinking this whole situation (I tend to do that a lot), and also see if you can clear up my misconceived thoughts about sororities in general. Thank you!

It sounds like you're talking about pledging an NPHC group, in which case our advice (and the people giving it) would change a lot. Can you clarify?

[Cheri45b]

Originally Posted by clemsongirl

It sounds like you're talking about pledging an NPHC group, in which case our advice (and the people giving it) would change a lot. Can you clarify?

Yes my mothers organization is a NPHC.

[robinseggblue]

I can't give any NPHC-specific advice, as I am not a member of an NPHC organization.

I know that there can be a lot of pressure to affiliate from parents who themselves are part of Greek Life. It makes sense--they had a great time as part of GLOs, so they want their kids to share in that too. However, it doesn't mean that Greek Life is or isn't for you.

I think that you're not going to get your questions about what any sorority is like answered until you actually get to know more women who are in it. Again, I don't know much about NPHC specifically, but generally (as an overall organization) sororities have many members, and not everyone is the same--there are extroverts and introverts and girly girls and sporty girls.

I know that a lot of moms who have daughters want them to join their organization, but most moms really just want the best for their kids. If you feel comfortable, I would encourage you to talk to her and see what she says about this. I'm sure she would have a valuable perspective.

But really, answering the question of what you should do is going to require introspection. If you decide that you don't want to pursue it at all, then don't. You can live a fulfilling life and have close friendships with other women without being in a sorority. But from reading your post, it seems like this is something that you could be open to, except you are afraid that you won't fit in. So keep an open mind, and get to know some sorority women socially when you get a chance. Don't put any pressure on yourself, just meet women and get to know them as you would anyone. See how they are living their lives and what values they seem to hold. I think that's the best way of figuring out what you think about these organizations and whether you might want to pursue joining one.

You might find out that you really want to be in your mom's sorority, you might decide to join a different organization, or you might decide that it isn't for you--these are all valid choices, but you won't know for certain unless you explore that possibility. Since your college doesn't have Greek Life, you have plenty of time to reflect on what is best for you and decide whether you want to get to know women in sororities and explore this possibility.

[Kevin]

Anecdotally, I have seen that the pressure to join NPHC vs. an IFC type fraternity can be very real. I tried to recruit a friend of mine in undergrad who happened to be black. He liked our organization and everything we stood for, but stated that if he pledged anything other than Alpha Phi Alpha, he'd lose a lot of friends and disappoint family. He ended up not pledging anything which was unfortunate. He was a good guy and would have been an asset anywhere.

I think Robinsegg has a great take on this--if your college doesn't have greek life, it's not as if you are torn between becoming an aspirant in an NPHC organization and going through NPC formal recruitment. Do you research, get to know people, make a decision for your own reasons--not to please others.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by Kevin

Anecdotally, I have seen that the pressure to join NPHC vs. an IFC type fraternity can be very real. I tried to recruit a friend of mine in undergrad who happened to be black. He liked our organization and everything we stood for, but stated that if he pledged anything other than Alpha Phi Alpha, he'd lose a lot of friends and disappoint family. He ended up not pledging anything which was unfortunate. He was a good guy and would have been an asset anywhere.

What you said! In 2000, I wanted to recommend 4 of my oldest daughter's friends for NPC rush. They all said that they would be executed at dawn if they pursued anything but their moms' NPHCs.