Graduated GDI dating Sorority Girl

[geedeamonggreek]

Originally Posted by GoldBows

I'm going to have to agree with the other posters here, you are coming off as pretty clingy and insecure. It's only 8 days - if you don't think your relationship can stand that much time apart then it must not be a very strong one to begin with. My SO and I are in a similar boat, as I am an active sister and he is not Greek. The thing is, he understands that during a time like recruitment, I do have to put my sorority first because it is a commitment I made long before I met him. I then understand that he has commitments he needs to put first like his position on Student Council or in the Engineering Students' Society.

OP, think of it this way. If she were going on vacation for 8 days, would you feel the same way?

I mean, yes and no. I have understood that this is more of a priority in her life than I am, and that's okay. If it was her being gone somewhere else, it's not a big deal. It is a little irritating that despite being within 5 minutes of eachother, we can't even really even make contact because the rules here are pretty harsh, and there's nothing we can do about that. It's like you want to open a gift for Christmas, but you can't wait until then. Or if you get a cookie from the cookie jar, but there's a lock on top.

It's childish I'm worrying about this, but we talked things out last night a bit, and everything will be okay. I know for a fact my priorities fire up as soon as recruitment is over however, as we have three-four sports kicking off at work, so I'm going to have more late nights and weekends to work than I did before. We just want to be committed to each other no matter what, and if I can wait a week (well, now looking like 2), then it'll be worth it in the end.
I just want her to feel the same way she saw me before, after recruitment and things slow down a bit. we both have priorities, we just happens to be each other's too.

[als463]

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

I mean, yes and no. I have understood that this is more of a priority in her life than I am, and that's okay. If it was her being gone somewhere else, it's not a big deal. It is a little irritating that despite being within 5 minutes of eachother, we can't even really even make contact because the rules here are pretty harsh, and there's nothing we can do about that. It's like you want to open a gift for Christmas, but you can't wait until then. Or if you get a cookie from the cookie jar, but there's a lock on top.

It's childish I'm worrying about this, but we talked things out last night a bit, and everything will be okay. I know for a fact my priorities fire up as soon as recruitment is over however, as we have three-four sports kicking off at work, so I'm going to have more late nights and weekends to work than I did before. We just want to be committed to each other no matter what, and if I can wait a week (well, now looking like 2), then it'll be worth it in the end.
I just want her to feel the same way she saw me before, after recruitment and things slow down a bit. we both have priorities, we just happens to be each other's too.

Your initial posts gave me diabetes from how sugary sweet you were talking about your relationship. You give off a creepy vibe--not just clingy. The fact you have a few pages of saying the same thing about not being able to live without her for about a week makes me concerned for her safety due to you being possessive. Don't ever join the military because this time away could be a harsh reality for longer than a week. If you keep acting like this, she is going to be dropping you like it's hot in a matter of months. Step away from the keyboard, prepare for graduate school, and find a hobby. There is nothing more unattractive than a needy boyfriend who can't deal with a girl hanging out with her friends.

[MaggieXi]

Stage 5 Clinger material here.
On the more serious side, you say that you just started grad school, your under grad days are over. I think you are going through something about your friends moving on and your undergrad days being over. It almost seems like you are holding on (possessively) to your girlfriend to fill that void.

[geedeamonggreek]

Ok fine, I am a stage five clinger I guess. I'll step away from this forum, forget about someone I care about a lot, and just ease into being a boring adult. I don't think anyone pointed out that I said earlier I will be fine for 8 days at this point! We talked things out, and everything is ok!

But I guess you all think I am some psychopathic, creepy, clingy guy that can't get his life together. I have a life, I have a good job, and I have friends and family that care about me too. But jeeze, whatever happened to appreciated and caring for a significant other nowadays?

Tired of being called out. I'm ridiculous, and guess I shouldn't have even asked for help. All I wanted was advice, and all I got was just getting an ear-chewing.

[geedeamonggreek]

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

Stage 5 Clinger material here.
On the more serious side, you say that you just started grad school, your under grad days are over. I think you are going through something about your friends moving on and your undergrad days being over. It almost seems like you are holding on (possessively) to your girlfriend to fill that void.

That's not true, honestly a big lie. We have an authentic interest in each other and she's not there to a fill a void left over by a past.

[als463]

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

That's not true, honestly a big lie. We have an authentic interest in each other and she's not there to a fill a void left over by a past.

I agree with Maggie. You are coming off incredibly clingy and creepy because you are trying to fill a void. You can play the victim and tell us that we are being harsh for telling you that your posts are concerning in the context of your girlfriend's safety but, you are not the only person who has ever been in a relationship with someone. You do need to just worry about school and stop being so concerned about her recruitment schedule. This week it is recruitment. Next week, she may be preparing to study abroad. Next semester, she may join the military. The point remains the same that you need to step back and re-evaluate why you are acting in such a manner about not getting to spend every waking hour with your girlfriend.

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

But I guess you all think I am some psychopathic, creepy, clingy guy that can't get his life together. I have a life, I have a good job, and I have friends and family that care about me too. But jeeze, whatever happened to appreciated and caring for a significant other nowadays?

I knew the flounce post was coming! Friend, I have read some very good advice here. If you make her feel like everything she does without your direct involvement is an imposition, unless she is suffering from some sort of codependency issues, you guys aren't going to last. Your goal is to be as fine together as you are apart. This whole "let's talk about our relationship and how your recruitment is going to impose on it" business is just bullshit. It's not an imposition, it's her doing something she committed to do and you have no idea --none--about just how seriously recruitment is to Greek organizations. Fail there, we fail all the men and women who came before us and could have come after us.

So instead of having to have a 'state of the relationship' talk and her having to get your permission for it to be okay, you don't get a say in whether she does this, you can ask her how it's going, text reasonably and try to grab lunch if possible here or there.

You did good coming here. You're getting solid advice. But don't expect complete strangers to hold your hand and tell you that you are right when what you are self-disclosing to us is probably something we could find in the DSM-V.

Also, as a matter of discretion, the internet is forever and among Greeks, this is still a pretty popular site. There's a very good chance someone is going to read your fact pattern and figure out who your girlfriend is. You might want to go back and edit some things and request the QFP person (politely by private message) to please edit some things. The internet is forever.

[33girl]

I completely understand being worried, scared, sad, upset, and needing to vent. But that is not what a forum is for. That's what a paper journal is for. If it was a matter of coming here to ask "is being out of touch for 8 days during recruitment normal?" then everyone would have said yes, for a big school that's par for the course, and after she's done everything should be fine. But you're acting kind of like recruitment is something that was created just to keep the two of you apart.

The fact that you go to "I don't want to be lied to" is upsetting - has she lied to you before? If not, why do you think she would start now? You need to trust her or she will go running the other way. You might think its appreciation and caring, but honestly, it sounds more like checking up.

[geedeamonggreek]

Maybe I did overreact, and maybe I should focus on my own priorities. I'm sorry for acting like an idiot and not being the bigger person in the relationship. It can always be worse, and I need to enjoy the time together.

Thank you for all the advice, I appreciate it.

[Pope]

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

I have understood that this is more of a priority in her life than I am, and that's okay.

It's good that you're okay with her prioritizing her sorority commitments over boyfriend time this week. She made a commitment to her sisterhood and she's standing behind her word. Would you really want to be with someone who casually bailed on her commitments? You should acknowledge and value the fact that she honors her promises to others, especially if you have long term intentions with this woman.

[geedeamonggreek]

Originally Posted by Pope

It's good that you're okay with her prioritizing her sorority commitments over boyfriend time this week. She made a commitment to her sisterhood and she's standing behind her word. Would you really want to be with someone who casually bailed on her commitments? You should acknowledge and value the fact that she honors her promises to others, especially if you have long term intentions with this woman.

She has honored her promises, not just with her sisterhood, but in everything else that she does.
I've just never been good with being bailed on, (this dates WAY back before I even met her) and sometimes just think of the past when I shouldn't. She's been upfront with plans with me, and that's something I appreciate, knowing how I can be a bit of a planner sometimes. (well... except one time in the spring and we had a trip planned.... then a "emergency meeting" was called the day before we left, but we both had busy weeks, and got over that, so it's okay.) It's the future, and I shouldn't base my opinions and feelings on getting bailed on by her based on people who have pissed me off in the past, that's just not healthy. I'll have my own commitments, she'll have her own commitments too, and we'll share our stories when we get back together after recruitment.