Depression and Relationships (Romantic, Friends, Family, etc)

[andthen]

Ditto to what has been said already, you are a very good friend. Sending positive vibes your way. And I hope your friend is able to find a good therapist to sort through what's going on in their life. I'm forever grateful to my therapist from long ago. It took some time but eventually I was able to see the forrest from the trees.

Reaching out is a very positive step though for your friend.

[jolene]

So glad your friend got back to you.

[Kevin]

Hey cool! Glad to see everything is working out.

[Sen's Revenge]

There have been further updates. Won't get into details (for his privacy), but I resent the package and it did arrive. Still no word on what he thought about it; that and the fact that days were passing before he would return text messages, well that was annoying/upsetting, but I took what you guys said (as well as some of you offline) and quickly remembered that he was silent because of his illness, not because of a personality flaw.

So I decided to do what Kevin said, in a manner of speaking. Rather than postcards, I decided "You know what? Everybody gets text messages." So I've been texting him words of encouragement every few days. The focus has been how I care about him and don't "need" him to do anything for me but be well. The last thing he send me the other day was that he has read every text message and they are getting him through the days.

It feels good to be helpful. I know I can't fix clinical depression, but I can be a beacon, I suppose.

[andthen]

It can be tough perhaps not seeing things go back to the way that they might have been prior to this. But it's good to know that he's getting the texts and he knows that you care. He's so fortunate to have someone like you rooting for him. Thanks for the update Sen.

[Jill1228]

Depression ain't no joke. Been there, done that and got the therapy bills to prove it.
And you feel so helpless at times
You are an amazing friend. The little gestures you are doing speak huge volumes!

[BadSquirrelBeta]

Glad you were finally able to get through!!

[Sen's Revenge]

Originally Posted by Jen

This is one of my fears, that my illnesses are too much for people. That they're only being nice because they haven't discovered how bad it is, and once they do, they'll leave.

So it's a lot easier to stay away from people than risk that might happen. Because it has happened before, many times. You get accused of creating drama, when you're literally just trying to stay alive that day, and coping doesn't come out nice and pretty sometimes. And you feel bad and broken, and retreat. And then they do something nice and you feel you don't deserve it, and it's just going to make it harder when they do leave and you just have to shut them out because otherwise you'll get stomped on again.

I know it's hard to deal with people with depression, anxiety etc - I know because I find it hard to deal with me lol. But I'm never doing it on purpose and I'm never trying to hurt someone. It's all reaction and coping, and it sucks.

Just try and stick with them - ignore the behaviour that hurt you as best you can. Kevin's idea is awesome! No pressure, and if you can find some unique cards it could be fun.

And use the gift stuff you bought for yourself if you can lol.

I am trying so hard lol.... incidentally, the stuff I got (which includes adult coloring books) actually makes my anxiety worse lolol

[Sen's Revenge]

Originally Posted by Jen

But adult colouring books are fun! Except that you have to choose colours and pick where they go and, okay, I can see where this may not be fun lol.

Next time buy stuff you know you'll like if it gets returned LOL.

ABSOLUTELY. LOL

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by Sen's Revenge

I appreciate your candor AND your irreverence. Thank you.

I do understand. He hates that I am a fixer and I have tried to be less of a fixer and more of a listener and thoughtful gift giver.

Thanks guys. I think i can deal well with anything life throws me except when people shut off communications. I have even dealt with old friends who have themselves been institutionalized due to psychosis - yes I am pretty damn proud of myself in a non-smug way. lol

Just keep in mind, this isn't about you - this is about him so being less of a fixer, more of a listener, etc. may not matter at all.

On that same token, you can have permission to cut off ties if you need to for you. First thing is to always take care of yourself.

[Sen's Revenge]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Just keep in mind, this isn't about you - this is about him so being less of a fixer, more of a listener, etc. may not matter at all.

On that same token, you can have permission to cut off ties if you need to for you. First thing is to always take care of yourself.

I needed to hear this, too.

I might be a lot of things, but someone with some level of depression and anxiety is among them, so I am definitely trying to draw the line between support and self care for myself.