Possible Thread: What to Do if You're Released from Recruitment

[misscherrypie]

Another observation:
A lot of the same experiences I shared and still experience with my Beta sisters and with my Amby (Student Ambassadors) family are what I was looking for in NPC sorority life.
I've been to formals and socials and parties, spent nights getting dolled up with upteen girlfriends, we study together, and experienced the new member periods and go for late night runs for food, we've seen each other at our best and at our worst. We also share traditions and rituals and retreats and memories galore. Two of my Beta sisters graduated from school and the Ambys this year....and they passed on something special to me after they'd BOTH graduated, with the instruction to pass it on down to one of our fellow Beta/Amby sisters when I graduate next May since she will still be a student here. They'd received the object from an Amby before them, who received it from an Amby before THEM.

It was such a 'simple' thing.....but the meaning behind what they gave me....I just started to cry right then and there. And THAT was when I came to truly and utterly love the place in which I ended up.

They're not the same exact experiences, but you cannot make A peg fit into C hole. It just causes trouble, chaos and....shall we say it....doesn't make anything better. C peg fits into C hole perfectly and when you relax and enjoy (and don't forget about school! That comes first!) things will fall into place for you. I promise.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by MTSUGURL

It's old, but I'm replying anyway - with my own experience as well as a bit of advice.

I went through recruitment as an upperclassmen, as a transfer and as a nontradional student. I had taken three years to work after I started out a very expensive private school with a major that I had no idea how I could use it in real life. (3 strikes already in most cases.) I had a less than stellar GPA. I was confident in who I was, I was involved in other campus organizations, and I had friends in sororities. I had recs for every group on campus but one that I assumed I wouldn't want, and 3 for my favorite.

Bottom line: I was not who they were looking for, but I was encouraged to try. I had been super involved in high school, but with an average GPA. I knew nothing about Greek life to the point that I pronounced Chi Omega wrong for 3 weeks before I went to school the first time and thought I wouldn't like Kappa Delta because one of their colors was green. I was the first in my family to go to a four year college, and if anyone I knew well was an an alumna of a sorority, they never mentioned it.

I was cut in the round before pref parties, and yes, I was disappointed. There were a few tears. I was drawn then not to the college experience, but the experience I could have as an alumna; honestly, this was the part I mourned. My Rho Chi was in tears, and actually met me with her twin sister who was also a Rho Chi and in the same sorority. She told me that I was a phenomenal person, and that had she been there she would have fought for me. I stayed close to these two girls for the rest of the time we were in college, and became good friends with a few other girls that I had met that told me how disappointed they were that they didn't see me again during recruitment.

No matter how much the girls in the sororities may have enjoyed my company, I was an illogical choice. They would have gotten two years out of me; being honest, I would likely not have enjoyed many mixers, etc. because I was simply in a different stage in my life. I do regret not going through recruitment MUCH sooner, and I regret not doing the research and preparation before I started my freshman year. I am still a bit wistful when friends talk about being involved in their alum chapters or helping out an active chapter, and if I have a daughter and it's something she wants to pursue I'll make sure she's more prepared than I was.

Be realistic. Know yourself and whether or not you can handle being rejected, but also if you go through recruitment and you are rejected, make an effort to nurture the friendships with girls that you feel you truly "clicked" with. You may have some wistfulness over this particular area in your life, and that's ok, but don't focus on it to the point that you miss some truly great experiences because they didn't come with Greek letters.

And PLEASE, PLEASE, if you join a service GLO, a local GLO, or another organization, go into it with a clean slate. They are different organizations with different purposes and structures. Love them for what they are and don't try to fit them into the mold of an NPC sorority.

First, fancy seeing you around these parts lately.

Second, I wanted to comment on the "staying friends with sorority members and Rho Chis" aspect of this post (for the benefit of other PNMs reading.)

Some people go on to make friends with their Rho Chis and other sorority members, so those relationships may continue after bid day for those who receive bids (as you will see each other at different events.)

I know we talk a lot about recruitment being a place to meet people and your Rho Chi being a great resource and possibly a shoulder to cry on. Those are true. Some people REMAIN friends with their Rho Chis even when they don't get bids (i.e. MTSUGurl.)

However, I would caution those who don't receive a bid to recognize that after Bid Day, your Rho Chi and sorority member friends go back to being sorority members.

This means that you may not travel in the same circles, see each other everyday, etc. Your sorority member friends and former Rho Chi may not have time to hang out or be your shoulder to cry on like they may have been before or during recruitment.

Please don't take offense to this. It's not that they don't like you, are avoiding you because you aren't Greek, etc. It's just that people get back to their busy lives, sorority membership, etc. and don't always have time to be your shoulder after recruitment is over.

I've seen women get really sad/offended that their Rho Chi doesn't want to hang out and stuff after Bid Day (esp. when said PNM is released.) So just something to think about. I'd never want a PNM to be like "I didn't get a bid, then after Bid Day my Rho Chi never hung out with me. I thought she was supposed to be my friend, what gives???"

[MTSUGURL]

I really believe that the reason that my Rho Chi and I stayed friends and I was able to build actual friendships with some of the other girls that I met was BECAUSE I was an upperclassman that had already had some other activities, other friends and other things that filled my time; these were also the girls more likely to be in my classes so we worked on projects together, etc. Recruitment, and then Omega Phi Alpha were a part of my life, but not my WHOLE life. I was able to talk to them about more than sorority recruitment, and of course never acted the part of the hanger-on that begged, "So do you think they'd want me now? Could you get me a bid?"

[KSUViolet06]

^^^Right. I don't know if anyone has had the experinece of having one of your friends not get a bid to your sorority, but it's awkward. Same for Rho Chis/SRCs who have girls in their groups who don't get bids. It's already awkward, but when that girl wants to hang out and talk about how she didn't get a bid or ask abour COR opportunities, it gets even MORE awkward.

[gammaphislobeta]

I have a second hand experience at University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa. My CA niece went thru rush as a Freshman in Fall 2012. She had a 3.0 GPA. She was told she needed a 3.0 to be successful in recruitment but this info was very misleading. No one cared that she had a diagnosed learning disability or that her Jr./Sr. years GPA was 3.8. She knew that it was going to be difficult from the get-go, especially for out-of-state girls. She had 1-2 recs for all but 2 houses. She had 6 years of community service, earning several awards for her work. She also had a 20 hour a week job for her Jr. and Sr. years. She was dropped by 13 of 18 houses the first day and retained only 1 house after the third day. She was assured that she would receive a bid to her sole remaining house had she remained in the process but she chose to drop out. After rush was over, she was told by several girls that they wanted to extend a bid to her but that the choice was not theirs (come to find out that is true after hearing about the AL sorority rush race scandal). She decided to meet and get to know as many Greeks as she could and to work hard on her GPA. This paid off. Not only did she improve her GPA (3.5 her first semester) but she changed her mind on her preferred sorority and received a bid during COB (continuous open bidding for those who find acronyms so annoying!) during Spring, 2013 semester. She is a very happy camper and her mother was happy she avoided the continuous partying subjected to Fall pledges (4 parties a week, rather hypocritical to ask an exhausted brand new freshman to retain their good GPAs under those circumstances). Her GPA did suffer but she has resolved to study in the library rather than the sorority "study room". There is hope after an unsuccessful rush, even at AL. She was planning on going thru Fall, 2013 rush until she received her bid in Spring, 2012. It would've been a nerve wracking experience but a strong girl is capable. Improving GPA, joining campus clubs, volunteering off-campus...any or all of these can help a previously unsuccessful rushee. Work hard, keep an open mind and meet new people. And good luck!

[carnation]

TTT!

[AGDCanada11]

Bumping this one!

[Benzgirl]

bump

[SWTXBelle]

Bump

[carnation]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

There are no "make-ups" or opportunities to learn why you did not "make the cut" at a particular sorority. The sororities are not required to discuss this with you nor will they make an exception and discuss this matter with you.

Sorority membership selection is privileged information known only by the collegiate members who are actually performing the selection. Alumnae and members at other colleges have no information regarding specifics to your recruitment.

If you are cut by a sorority, you have no alternative other than to accept it and move on. Period.

I want to reiterate this quote from earlier in the thread. I couldn't tell you how many friends and relatives of PNMs go on the warpath after recruitment, looking for reasons why the PNMs were cut. It rarely works because the sororities are going to circle the wagons.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by carnation

I want to reiterate this quote from earlier in the thread. I couldn't tell you how many friends and relatives of PNMs go on the warpath after recruitment, looking for reasons why the PNMs were cut. It rarely works because the sororities are going to circle the wagons.

Yes.

And I know it's hard, but folks need to RESIST the urge to call the chapter houses to question recruitment results. Most of the time, you just end up unloading on whichever poor active sister just happened to walk past it.

[clemsongirl]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Yes.

And I know it's hard, but folks need to RESIST the urge to call the chapter houses to question recruitment results. Most of the time, you just end up unloading on whichever poor active sister just happened to walk past it.

When my mom was chapter president back in the dark ages (the drinking age was still 18 in Vermont!!), her younger sister went through recruitment at the University of New Hampshire and attended Preference round but did not receive a bid afterwards. She was called and offered a snap bid from a chapter she went to Pref with but she figured that they only wanted her for numbers if she hadn't matched with them in the first place, so she declined it. My mom told me she called the UNH Panhellenic president shouting and crying that her baby sister should have gotten a bid, because she would have been good enough to join ADPi if she'd gone through at UVM. It's just never a good idea, even if one's heart is in the right place.

Sidenote: I don't think it's even possible to "call" a chapter anymore and yell at a sister. We don't have a dedicated landline number for anyone to contact us with, instead listing emails as contact points on our chapter website. Maybe the inevitable march of technology has produced one good thing by insulating innocent sisters from angry family members and rec writers.