May I have your thoughts?

[33girl]

You had a parent with severe health issues. It forces you to grow up in certain parts of your life far earlier than you need to. You need to go back and catch up on that young adulthood you didn't get to have. I completely understand and while I understand that people are trying to prepare you for perhaps not receiving a bid, everyone just flat out saying "you're too old" needs to STFU. Because honestly, you have no idea what this is like. Parenting a parent (which you do end up doing to a degree) is something you're supposed to be doing at 50, not at 20.

[SoClassic]

Originally Posted by 33girl

You had a parent with severe health issues. It forces you to grow up in certain parts of your life far earlier than you need to. You need to go back and catch up on that young adulthood you didn't get to have. I completely understand and while I understand that people are trying to prepare you for perhaps not receiving a bid, everyone just flat out saying "you're too old" needs to STFU. Because honestly, you have no idea what this is like. Parenting a parent (which you do end up doing to a degree) is something you're supposed to be doing at 50, not at 20.

Wow, thank you. You hit the nail on the head. Without giving too much about my situation away, you're right about "parenting a parent" and having to give up parts of my young adulthood too early. And as a direct result of HER issues, my own came into the picture. Had it not been for all that, I'm sure I would be a happily graduated alumnae of XYZ by now. But life wasn't all that nice to me over the last 6 or so years and I would give anything to get some of that time back. If being the oldest person in my chapter is the biggest worry, I'll take it! I promise you, to me ... it's all worth it.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by SoClassic

But life wasn't all that nice to me over the last 6 or so years and I would give anything to get some of that time back. If being the oldest person in my chapter is the biggest worry, I'll take it! I promise you, to me ... it's all worth it.

SoClassic, if your wish is to recapture the time you lost, I fear you will be disappointed. It might be a good idea to carefully evaluate how your goals and interests, with respect to the person you are now, fit into the sorority life culture on your campus.

You are not less because of the experiences that took you down a different path and prevented you from enjoying college life as an 18-year-old. You undoubtedly have been enriched by your experience and insight, but in a different way moving forward as a 26-year-old. Considering your life experiences, much of what seems important in the world of an 18-year-old new sorority member may seem trivial by comparison.

All the best to you, however, regardless of your decision. : )

[SoClassic]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

SoClassic, if your wish is to recapture the time you lost, I fear you will be disappointed. It might be a good idea to carefully evaluate how your goals and interests, with respect to the person you are now, fit into the sorority life culture on your campus.

You are not less because of the experiences that took you down a different path and prevented you from enjoying college life as an 18-year-old. You undoubtedly have been enriched by your experience and insight, but in a different way moving forward as a 26-year-old. Considering your life experiences, much of what seems important in the world of an 18-year-old new sorority member may seem trivial by comparison.

All the best to you, however, regardless of your decision. : )

I've just done some more research and looked up academic reports for each chapter. Turns out, they were available online! I feel A LOT better about my GPA after seeing the averages for chapters on my campus. Looks like grades won't be an issue for me after all like I originally thought. So that's good news!

And I hope what I say next doesn't make me sound like a train wreck, because I assure you all that I'm not!

Several of you have mentioned that my views (socially and personally) may vastly differ from the sisters and I just have to say that I honestly don't think this is entirely true for me. In many ways, I am mature beyond my 25 years because of my past and situation with my mom and all that. But conversely, I can recognize that I'm immature for my age in several areas as well. One of those is socially! I didn't have much of a social life between the ages of 17-22 like most new college kids do. I know I can't get that time back per se. But for those of you worried about how I will react to being expected to attend socials, formals, "frat parties," sleepovers, and clubs with the girls .... well, I'm not worried about enjoying myself. I like to have a good time. Most 25 year olds are over it by this age. I'm not, simply because I haven't experienced it much for myself yet. I've been good about keeping things classy, but we all know girls like to have fun!

And really, it's all about perspective. I learned at a young age how to make the best out of every situation and this is no different. I'm adaptable and strong and smart and talented and I can only hope that the chapters see these things in me as well. If they don't, great. I'll find my home on campus somewhere else.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by 33girl

...everyone just flat out saying "you're too old" needs to STFU.

So true!
Follow your heart...if you don't, you'll always wonder "what if?"

Originally Posted by 33girl

Parenting a parent (which you do end up doing to a degree) is something you're supposed to be doing at 50, not at 20.

For the record....it's no easier at 50.

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by 33girl

You had a parent with severe health issues. It forces you to grow up in certain parts of your life far earlier than you need to. You need to go back and catch up on that young adulthood you didn't get to have. I completely understand and while I understand that people are trying to prepare you for perhaps not receiving a bid, everyone just flat out saying "you're too old" needs to STFU. Because honestly, you have no idea what this is like. Parenting a parent (which you do end up doing to a degree) is something you're supposed to be doing at 50, not at 20.

You don't know what I understand and what I don't. I also don't need you telling me to STFU. I have no idea why you are so unbelievably rude. The OP wanted honest feedback. 18-21 year old young women are in charge of membership selection, and many if not most of them will NOT understand her situation. It really doesn't matter if I understand it, they won't, and they get to choose.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

You don't know what I understand and what I don't. I also don't need you telling me to STFU. I have no idea why you are so unbelievably rude. The OP wanted honest feedback. 18-21 year old young women are in charge of membership selection, and many if not most of them will NOT understand her situation. It really doesn't matter if I understand it, they won't, and they get to choose.

Did you go through what the OP went through with a parent? At that age?

If the answer is no, then STFU. If the answer is yes, then it might have helped the OP more to tell her you understand than to just flat out tell her she's too old. (If you did that in a PM, please accept my apologies.)

ps: Your condescending attitute toward 18-21 year olds (i.e. the majority of them won't be able to get the situation) doesn't help your case.

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Did you go through what the OP went through with a parent? At that age?

If the answer is no, then STFU. If the answer is yes, then it might have helped the OP more to tell her you understand than to just flat out tell her she's too old. (If you did that in a PM, please accept my apologies.)

ps: Your condescending attitute toward 18-21 year olds (i.e. the majority of them won't be able to get the situation) doesn't help your case.

And your condescending attitude towards everyone doesn't help yours.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Did you go through what the OP went through with a parent? At that age?

Did you go through recruitment in the South, or do you have any other involvement or experience with recruitments in (or near) the (deep) South where recs are customary?

Originally Posted by 33girl

ps: Your condescending attitute toward 18-21 year olds (i.e. the majority of them won't be able to get the situation) doesn't help your case.

Do you have any experience with 18-21 year olds participating in a Southern recruitment, where recs are customary (as some indicator of recruitment culture), as either a parent or chapter advisor?

Originally Posted by 33girl

If the answer is no, then STFU.

Did you consider taking your own advice?

Originally Posted by 33girl

If the answer is yes, then it might have helped the OP more to tell her you understand than to just flat out tell her she's too old. (If you did that in a PM, please accept my apologies.).

Except the OP's question was about her potential recruitment, not caring for a parent.

[AZTheta]

The OP asked for honest input. Telling people to STFU when they are offering input (whether positive or negative or in line with your own personal views) is counter-productive at best, and frankly, not respectful. There are a variety of opinions on this thread as on any other thread. I myself have not said that she is too old; I have simply responded to the best of my ability based on her own statements.

There are no do-overs in life; we all face challenges at different times. While we may regret some of our choices, they are what they are, and we have the choice to accept life on life's terms, or not. We can make the best of what's in front of us today, or not.

I will continue to wish her good luck.

[DrPhil]

May I lane swerve in tiny font? Is it possible that instead of making age the central factor, and telling people they won't be wanted, you can address varying campus cultures? Some NPC 18-21 year olds will be welcoming and some (many? most?) will not.

For instance, NPHC collegiate chapters tend to accept a range of ages because of how we view membership and lifetime commitment. However, there are some chapters that would deny someone over a certain age for a number of reasons (including a large applicant pool and 25 year olds are outnumbered by accomplished 18-20 year olds). This is based on chapter culture and campus culture despite the larger NPHC culture.

/lane swerve

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

May I lane swerve in tiny font? Is it possible that instead of making age the central factor, and telling people they won't be wanted, you can address varying campus cultures? Some NPC 18-21 year olds will be welcoming and some (many? most?) will not.

For instance, NPHC collegiate chapters tend to accept a range of ages because of how we view membership and lifetime commitment. However, there are some chapters that would deny someone over a certain age for a number of reasons (including a large applicant pool and 25 year olds are outnumbered by accomplished 18-20 year olds). This is based on chapter culture and campus culture despite the larger NPHC culture.

/lane swerve

Very good points, well stated. Thank you. In future I will include a reference to campus culture. We all know about assumptions - right?

Carry on.

[DrPhil]

I have to remind myself not to speak definitive on certain NPHC topics. We have 9 GLOs and thousands of chapters. This also goes for certain Delta topics. Talk to NHQ and the specific chapter if you want to know the answer.

[irishpipes]

Well, if you would prefer, she has already stated that she is bordering the deep south, and obviously her campus utilizes recs. This means it is not entirely uncompetitive. I am also pretty sure I know what school she is talking about. But, until you have been through a formal recruitment with a 19 year-old measuring your shorts length and demanding that you wear more flair, you don't know what it is like to be beholden to minutia that a 26 year old would likely find ridiculous. I am not criticizing the OP or wishing her ill. She has already stated she is doing it anyway. I am just saying 1) she will have a rough go getting a bid, and 2) if she gets a bid, it might not go as she hopes. I have loved my collegians that I have advised, but they drive me CRAZY too. They are young and inexperienced and find different things important. I remember when I preffed my choices for pledge mom (big sister) back in the day, I didn't even rank any of the seniors I knew because I felt they were ancient compared to me (I was 17 as a freshman.) Fair or not, it is how some will feel about her. I am sure some will love and embrace her.

[austennn]

I think it's perfectly okay to go through recruitment as a junior. Depending on what school you go to and how competitive their recruitment is you may get cut from quite a few houses at the very beginning, just because of the combination of a low gpa and being a junior.

I would definitely explain to the girls WHY you're rushing so late and WHY your gpa isn't stellar. Also tell them how you've been working to improve it. Talking to chapters during recruitment gives you the opportunity to explain yourself rather than the chapter just seeing a class standing and gpa on a piece of paper and having to base their decision off that.

Just be yourself and try really hard to make a connection with the girls you meet. As long as you can sell yourself to one house, you should be fine. If a chapter really really wants you, they will look beyond things like that!