The men really aren't there - Page 3

James · #1 07-22-2002, 10:46 AM

Carnation, that might be kind of indicative of the population base. I don't have any hard core stats on hand but I am almost sure that college age females out number colege age males in about that proportion. So it may be more of a case where women have to be more competitive because more women are going to college than say 30 year ago.

Quote:

Originally posted by carnation
In this state, most of the colleges have 55% women and 45% men. There have been a lot of theories advanced as to why that is but nothing concrete has been figured out.

I have a Ph.D. While I was pursuing it, many people informed me that if I got it, no one would want to marry me because "your degrees would make men feel inferior". I wasn't insisting on a husband with a doctorate but I wanted someone who was intelligent no matter what degree he held.

So...my husband has 2 bachelor's degrees and some work done on a master's. We don't know if he'll ever finish it but it honestly doesn't matter. He's as intelligent as I am although it's in different areas--like he's a whole lot more mathematically inclined than I'll ever be and knows much more about the physical and social sciences! Believe me, it evens out.

I think the key is to find someone with equal intelligence.

James · #2 07-22-2002, 10:51 AM

I agree women have had to change during the last 30-40 years. We have increased the role responsibility of women. Men have changed also, but I am not sure its in the best ways. Men's roles don't seem to be so much added to as lessened.

I hear many a lament over sketchy guys that don't do the things SO's are supposed to do, the things we see guys do in older movies.

There has probably always ben sketchy guys, but I bet the percentage has increased because we no longer really teach a that traditional dating role anymore, and we haven't replaced it with anything else.

Hence more sketchy guys giving wierd signals.

Quote:

Originally posted by amycat412
don't you think the women have HAD to change over the past 30-40 years?

with the cost of living being what it is in major cities (especially), a two income family is necessary. obviously a two (or more) degreed 2 income family is going to provide the best life.

i think its naive to assume women's roles would not change when the whole world around us changed.

men have changed too, at LEAST as much as women.

FuzzieAlum · #3 07-22-2002, 11:21 AM

Well, we women have managed to find a new role for ourselves. Why can't men do the same? It's hard for me to feel sorry for them because no one is telling them what to do.

justamom · #4 07-22-2002, 12:45 PM

Fuzzie Alum-Well, we women have managed to find a new role for ourselves. Why can't men do the same? It's hard for me to feel sorry for them because no one is telling them what to do.

I'm with you on that one! Oh, maybe I feel a LITTLE sorry.

Most of the males who post on GC seem to be pretty aware and have adapted.

The real stinker IS the female who wants the romanticism of the old movies while singing "I am woman hear me roar..."

FuzzieAlum · #5 07-22-2002, 12:52 PM

I agree ... we can't have it all ways!

It seems to me that nowadays, there are men who don't want their wives to have to work, and women who don't want to work. Some men want to stay home with the kids, and some women want their husbands to do the raising. Some men and women don't want any kids. Logically, if you want to stay at home with the kids, don't marry someone who doesn't want any ... or someone who thinks you need to go back to work as soon as maternity leave is over. If you don't want kids, don't marry someone who is longing for a full baseball team.

I think it's a great thing we have these choices now. It does make dating more confusing, though, because you can no longer assume that your future hubbie will bring home the dough while you raise 2.5 kids (that .5 kid has to be ugly!) You have to figure out what you want, and is it compatible with what your partner wants ... No wonder we're waiting longer to marry!

Peaches-n-Cream · #6 07-23-2002, 01:15 AM

I am neither a wife nor a mother. It would be nice to do both preferably in that order. I'm at a stage where many of my friends have marched down the aisle, into the delivery room, and some unfortunately into divorce court. I somehow have managed to avoid all of that.

I agree with many of James' posts. A few times I have been asked why I am not married. People have even been so rude as to ask my mother when she will become a grandmother. I don't know if that will be a part of MY STORY. The assumption is marriage, children, and growing old together. The reality is that although I know many married people, I don't know many happily married people. I am happy. Not the type of happy that comes with accepting a bad situation, but a happiness that comes with knowing that I have been true to myself. Is there a Mr. Right out there for me? Maybe, but I'm not going to be devastated if there isn't. I am single and loving it and occasionally looking.

Quote:

The real stinker IS the female who wants the romanticism of the old movies while singing "I am woman hear me roar..."

JAM, I think that there is nothing wrong with that. I am invincible, and I like a gentleman who opens a door and pulls out a chair. It isn't a contradiction in my book, just good manners.

justamom · #7 07-23-2002, 07:05 AM

Cream, you are sooo right. I was just remembering when that song became the anthem for a lot of women and they took it to the extreme. More like wanting your cake and eating it too... But I could live with that!

It was like a tornado! All that pent up emotion released in a song.

I always liked to identify with the "I can bring home the bacon-fry it up in a pan...and never let you forget you're a man. Cuz I'm a WOMAN -W-O-M-A-N!"

Hey, at least I'm ALMOST there!

Kevin · #8 07-23-2002, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Well, we women have managed to find a new role for ourselves. Why can't men do the same? It's hard for me to feel sorry for them because no one is telling them what to do.

Women have the benefit of society telling them what a woman SHOULD be. Sure there are different messages out there but balance between Donna Reed and what N.O.W wants you to be and you can pretty well figure out what you should be doing.

Trouble being a man these days is that there are no messages out there in the media telling men what we should be... Well except from Oprah and Dr Phil...

If we're supposed to "change with the times" as some in here have said, what exactly would you suggest?

Personally, I feel like I'm doing just fine.

FuzzieAlum · #9 07-23-2002, 11:33 AM

Well, I don't have any problems with you guys on here as far as being men, least as far as I know! Most of you seem like cool guys.

But there are some guy gurus ... that drum beating guy, for example. But really, women are always searching for advice and "self improvement," so there is a huge market for "experts" to tell us what to do. Guys don't buy into that so much, which is sometimes good and sometimes bad, but I don't think most guys are interested in listening. A guru for men would have trouble making a living.

justamom · #10 07-23-2002, 12:50 PM

Fuzzie Alum-You've been sooo funny! I never know wat's coming next (that .5 kid has to be ugly!)
A guru for men would have trouble making a living.

ktsnake-There are a bunch of guys on GC, and you are one, who have more insight and understanding of what women want than some women, myself included at times. James can go on a tangent, and in blackand white it looks awful, but there are real truths in some of what he says.

You've seen the threads-What do you want in a man-everyone is different-but the basic need FOR ME, is to have the respect of my husband-so in a way HE was looking for ME!

That may not make sense to everyone, but I know what I
mean!

KSig RC · #11 07-23-2002, 01:08 PM

Well, one problem is that it is difficult (and incredibly intrepid) to create completely 'new' roles in relationships - if not impossible.

The vast majority of 'new roles for women' we're discussing now aren't really new, more likely they were just covered by the man before. An example would be that the man was expected for many years to be the 'provider' - order for the lady, pay for the lady, make enough money to take care of the lady.

Well, now that the lady can take care of her damn self, thank you very much *three snaps, z formation*, the man has to find a new role, or share the old one. The issue is, what roles are now open for the man?

Most of the discussion centers here, I think, about pre-marital relationships, so the man can't sink into the role of care-taker for children, etc, to 'pick up the slack' so to speak.

I think the real issue here is what 'new' roles should men come up with? Otherwise, it will of course seem like most men are having their role decreased - b/c for all intents and purposes they are. Until new roles in a relationship are created, any addition to a woman's role will decrease the man's.

Perhaps the solution is less adding to the woman's role in a relationship, and more shifting the roles - ie adding in one place, subtracting in another (by adding this to the male role).

Then again, all men are pigs . . . at least according to Sex in the City.

justamom · #12 07-23-2002, 01:19 PM

KSig RC Then again, all men are pigs . . . at least according to Sex in the City. LOL!

Do you think you've had to change? If so, how? Other than paying for things, (That's got to be nice at times AND more realistic) do you feel like you've had to compromised certain things?

Tom Earp · #13 07-23-2002, 06:01 PM

JWOW, and the rest of you female Terrorists! Damn, what the hell is wrong wit you?

Some men, small letters, small minds, and penises, feel women are bondaged servents!

Well, I am getting my dandruff on this one! I cooked better than my ex-wife and did laundry and dusted and ran the damn sweeper!

We had an understanding, she was the boss, so she thought!

U use us like a boy toy, just for your sexual pleassure, do you think is is easy for us when we have a head ache or just dont feel like it! NO I say NO!

It is time for the Male Species to put his FOOT? Down!

If your first lady EVE had not talked that dumb assed Adam Into eating that Apple and giving a Rib we would not have been in the situation we arre in now!

Damn I think I will have BBQ Chicken Tonite!

OOPS got to get it ready!

Any Ladies out there that want to meet a mature man that cooks! I dont travel well!

Tom Earp · #14 07-23-2002, 06:14 PM

JWOW, and the rest of you female Terrorists! Damn, what the hell is wrong wit you?

Some men, small letters, small minds, and penises, feel women are bondaged servents!

Well, I am getting my dandruff on this one! I cooked better than my ex-wife and did laundry and dusted and ran the damn sweeper!

We had an understanding, she was the boss, so she thought!

U use us like a boy toy, just for your sexual pleassure, do you think is is easy for us when we have a head ache or just dont feel like it! NO I say NO!

It is time for the Male Species to put his FOOT? Down!

If your first lady EVE had not talked that dumb assed Adam Into eating that Apple and giving a Rib we would not have been in the situation we arre in now!

Damn I think I will have BBQ Chicken Tonite!

OOPS got to get it ready!

Any Ladies out there that want to meet a mature man that cooks! I dont travel well!

justamom · #15 07-23-2002, 06:29 PM

Tom, Tom, Tom...
What can I say, we NEED our boy toys to slave for us!
We had an understanding, she was the boss, so she thought!
At my house it's " What's mine is mine and what's yours is half mine too!"

I hope those questions weren't perceived as anything but SINCERE. I've got a son and as I've said, it sure helps to hear these things from a man's point of view.

We love you guys and life would be pretty dull without you.

I can't even see GC as being the success that it is without the mix. Heaven knows, we would be reduced to all recipe' or COSMO type threads!

BTW-Do you make your own sauce??? I do and it's GOOOOOD

LUV YA!