Considering to Rush Again

[33girl]

Originally Posted by rock5060

This may also seem strange...but the main motive of me rushing again is because of the death of my close friend back home during Spring Break and was unable to attend his funeral since I had to get back to school that day. Reflecting on his life and how he was a second brother to me and my football teammates made me miss the brotherhood developed during the rough times we faced. He also left a lasting legacy to the school because he treated everyone like a brother/sister. Because he taught me the importance of brotherhood, I want to do something to continue his legacy. The Rugby team doesn't have that brotherhood while many fraternities do on my campus.

This is a way better answer than Joe Paterno. (Although it's kind of depressing that you have to be told that.)

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

This is a way better answer than Joe Paterno. (Although it's kind of depressing that you have to be told that.)

And leave out the part about skipping the funeral.

[rock5060]

Why is that?

[greekdee]

Originally Posted by rock5060

Why is that?

Hey -- not speaking for DeltaBetaBaby, and not judging you because I don't know the specific circumstances, but it struck me as strange that you didn't attend the funeral of someone you called a "close friend" and a "second brother." The reason you gave -- had to get back to school -- sounds weak since it is commonplace for people to rearrange plans and miss a day of school or work to attend a funeral, even for someone they wouldn't describe as a close friend. There may be a perfectly understandable and unavoidable reason for why you had to get back to school at that particular time, but without knowing why, it could make one wonder how much value you really put on the relationship with that person, or just how close you actually were. During recruitment, you can tell your story without mentioning missing the funeral. So -- don't risk being misunderstood. Just leave that part out.

[rock5060]

Originally Posted by greekdee

Hey -- not speaking for DeltaBetaBaby, and not judging you because I don't know the specific circumstances, but it struck me as strange that you didn't attend the funeral of someone you called a "close friend" and a "second brother." The reason you gave -- had to get back to school -- sounds weak since it is commonplace for people to rearrange plans and miss a day of school or work to attend a funeral, even for someone they wouldn't describe as a close friend. There may be a perfectly understandable and unavoidable reason for why you had to get back to school at that particular time, but without knowing why, it could make one wonder how much value you really put on the relationship with that person, or just how close you actually were. During recruitment, you can tell your story without mentioning missing the funeral. So -- don't risk being misunderstood. Just leave that part out.

I wanted to delay another day to attend the funeral, but he would've been pissed if I skipped school for any reason on his deathbed and fulfilled his wish. He even said that to classmates (who knew about his health situation) out on the West Coast. To make up for it, I spent the whole Spring Break comforting teammates who were with him on his deathbed. (My late friend stayed local and I was the only teammate who moved the farthest...275 miles). I won't mention this at all about missing the funeral but that was he said and I fulfilled his wish. The guy was brother/sister to all of us and a positive role model to the entire community. Whenever we had a problem, he was there for us. News of his death was like Magic Johnson announcing the world he had HIV.

[FSUZeta]

I think they were suggesting you not mention that you had to miss your dear friends funeral because it might come off as confusing. You wrote a wonderful tribute to your friend, and then finished it off by saying that you had to get back to school, which appeared to be 180 degrees out from the things you had said about your friend. But realize that we are reading your responses, not listening to them. Written statements can easily get misconstrued.

I think if you are going to speak about your friend and the influence his life and death had on you, you might want to take the approach that you, he, and your other friends had a sort of unofficial brotherhood, how you were always there for each other and how you are hoping to find similar friendships in a fraternity. But you have to temper what you say because the topic can quickly become uncomfortable for those who did not know your friend. In fact, you might want to just share your feelings about your friends' death with people you are close to. You can let down your guard with close acquaintances and really level with them, something you cannot (or should not) do with people you have just met.

[adpiucf]

The possibility of being asked this question a second time are slim to none, so just practice a 30-second response and move on. The key in recruitment is to appear confident, approachable, and uncontroversial. Those are transferable skills once you start interviewing for jobs and working in a professional setting, so learn now!

The chances of this fraternity seeking you out a second time are probably also very small. You're that strange guy who idolizes Joe Paterno and hung around the party too long. People remember that stuff. Sure, go visit them during recruitment, but you only get one chance to make a first impression. I would argue you've made a negative one at this chapter, whereas you might have had a second shot if you simply hadn't talked to enough brothers or flew under the radar and said and did some memorable things. You put yourself on their radar, front and center. Move on and consider other fraternities on your campus. Good luck and I hope things work out next time. I think you may have some work to do on understanding social skills and basic social cues. I don't say any of this to be hurtful or unkind, but to give you something tangible to work on based on your comments here and to hopefully achieve a better outcome in the future.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by rock5060

I wanted to delay another day to attend the funeral, but he would've been pissed if I skipped school for any reason on his deathbed and fulfilled his wish. He even said that to classmates (who knew about his health situation) out on the West Coast. To make up for it, I spent the whole Spring Break comforting teammates who were with him on his deathbed. (My late friend stayed local and I was the only teammate who moved the farthest...275 miles). I won't mention this at all about missing the funeral but that was he said and I fulfilled his wish. The guy was brother/sister to all of us and a positive role model to the entire community. Whenever we had a problem, he was there for us. News of his death was like Magic Johnson announcing the world he had HIV.

Really? Sounds like you have an issue with conflating things to epic, sports proportions. Try to bring things down to a personal level. Not everything in life has to have a connection to someone famous or something important. It's okay to express your emotions and be just you and mundane. It seems more real. Using Joe Paterno instead of someone you know IRL seemed contrived as the person that had the most influence in your life just like this statement is so over the top. Was this guy even your friend or was he a popular guy on campus you want to claim? Or was it a huge blow to you that you can't express? Either way, it works much better if you drop the overblown sports metaphors and just say what you really mean.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by rock5060

News of his death was like Magic Johnson announcing the world he had HIV.

Everyone started wearing condoms?

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Everyone started wearing condoms?

LOL. I was going to say they realized straight people really could get HIV.

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Really? Sounds like you have an issue with conflating things to epic, sports proportions. Try to bring things down to a personal level.

Especially given that Magic Johnson announced he is HIV positive in 1991. If the OP is in college now, I'm guessing he has no memory of that announcement or what it was like when the announcement was made -- just what he's heard about it since then.

I do remember that announcement. While it was certainly a major news story and a shock to many people, I wouldn't put it anywhere near the same league as hearing of the death of a friend.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by rock5060

When the question was asked, my first reaction was "oh no" because Paterno was now a controversial figure. Although I don't attend the university, I come from a community full of Penn State football fans and I learned many life lessons from the late coach. His quotes taught me the importance of confidence, studying hard to my full potential, and working together as a team. My parents, friends, and teachers all helped me influence my life in someway, but Paterno's influence connected all cylinders together. Although I feel betrayed after the scandal, I still credit him for bringing me where I am at today.

>>Did you ever meet the man? I still find it really odd for your to claim such positive influence from someone you've never met and who has been accused of covering up for someone who committed years of sexual abuse.

This may also seem strange...but the main motive of me rushing again is because of the death of my close friend back home during Spring Break and was unable to attend his funeral since I had to get back to school that day.


>>Why do stories like this always come up after the OP received answers he/she didn't want to hear?
Reflecting on his life and how he was a second brother to me and my football teammates made me miss the brotherhood developed during the rough times we faced. He also left a lasting legacy to the school because he treated everyone like a brother/sister. Because he taught me the importance of brotherhood, I want to do something to continue his legacy. The Rugby team doesn't have that brotherhood while many fraternities do on my campus.

>>So this just happened over spring break, and two weeks later, away at college where this friend didn't even attend, there is a palpable difference in the level of brotherhood in your life?

Originally Posted by rock5060

I wanted to delay another day to attend the funeral, but he would've been pissed if I skipped school for any reason on his deathbed and fulfilled his wish. He even said that to classmates (who knew about his health situation) out on the West Coast.

>>Yet others didn't follow this "wish" and attended anyway?

To make up for it, I spent the whole Spring Break comforting teammates who were with him on his deathbed.

>>I thought you said that he died during break? Now you're saying that you spent "The whole spring break" comforting teammates. If I'm misunderstanding the story, I apologize. I also am sorry for your loss, but this story is getting odder and odder.

(My late friend stayed local and I was the only teammate who moved the farthest...275 miles). I won't mention this at all about missing the funeral but that was he said and I fulfilled his wish.

>>Why are you the only person "fulfilling his wish"?

The guy was brother/sister to all of us and a positive role model to the entire community. Whenever we had a problem, he was there for us. News of his death was like Magic Johnson announcing the world he had HIV.

>>I'm not sure what that means. Do you mean he was known by millions of people?

All of this aside, there is nothing stopping you from rushing another fraternity. Like others said, you might work on your communication skills. Good luck whatever happens.

[ringojackson]

Honestly, everything that you typed comes off as very awkward.

"Why did you decide to pledge this chapter?”, “What are some of the charity and community service activities you guys do?”, chapter ideals, even praising the mottos after doing some research, and other stuff to get to know them. "
Fraternity rush is not the same as sorority rush. You don't get some kind of prize for knowing about their motto or asking about their community service. The guys don't care about any of that. They just want to know if you're a cool, laidback guy and you'll fit in.
I think if they were asking you A LOT of interview-style questions such as "who is your greatest influence?" that shows they didn't feel comfortable around you, so they felt they had to revert back to textbook questions to fill up the time. Fraternity recruitment is about hanging out with the guys, and having a good time. It's like going to a party and making friends, not trying to impress with knowledge of their fraternity and interest in community service. You can rush again, but frankly I don't think you have a chance at this last fraternity you are referring to. Try to go to a couple new ones, and remember that you're trying to MAKE FRIENDS more than you're trying to impress as you would in an interview
Also, continuing with the party analogy, you never want to be the last one to leave a party. I'm sure you thought it was a good thing, and I'm sure the brothers SEEMED fine with it, but really that doesn't reflect positively on you.

At the risk of appearing crass, I don't think your excuse for not attending a friend's funeral makes any sense and you should avoid mentioning that during rush at all costs...

[Blue Skies]

I agree with Ringojackson. The way that you approaced recruitment last time didn't work, so it's time to try something new. Focus on finding potential friends. Talk about sports, movies, music, TV shows, hobbies, or anything else of a similar nature. Focus on social converstion such as you might have at any college party, or one of your rugby parties.

Rush your friends' chapters and the chapters of your rugby teammates. Perhaps try some other new ones as well. Get around at any given party to meet as many members as you can. Do you know how to make people laugh? It's a valuable skill. If you can make people laugh they will remember you.

[rock5060]

thanks for your response. rushing my teammate fraternity won't work anymore cuz their chapter got revoked. i'll keep that in mind though.

[als463]

Originally Posted by rock5060

thanks for your response. rushing my teammate fraternity won't work anymore cuz their chapter got revoked. i'll keep that in mind though.

I am going to say this as a proud Penn State alumna (and I'm sure other GCers on here can attest to how much PSU pride I have)...I would not go around telling people that someone you look up to is Joe Paterno. I do love JoePa and I cried when he passed away. In fact, I was proud to meet his son when he met with my Alumni Chapter for our annual dinner. The truth is that to some people, it can be very controversial, as you noted. I love PSU and I bleed blue and white but, because I don't know everything that happened and I don't know if he shirked his duties (I truly hope not), I realize that some people could even be offended that you look up to him. Many people who don't know anything about him associate him with being an enabler. Even though I do not believe he would allow for those things to knowingly go on, I have still been sure to take his motto out of my email signature line and I do not go out and defend his actions on a regular basis. It can also be a very sore spot to victims of sexual abuse. Please tread lightly and think of someone else who can be a great inspiration to you.

Good luck with Rush!