Allowing our advisor to wear letters

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Low C Sharp

My singing group has a mentor, older than our oldest alumni, who has gone far above and beyond generosity in supporting us for over 15 years now. I'm not exaggerating to say that he has made life-changing experiences possible for us. One year, we surprised him with our initiation ritual and a set of the gifts we give new members. It was magical, really. I think there was no other way we could have shown him how much we valued him.

But if it would have caused a schism in the group with half the people wanting to do it and half not wanting to do it, I doubt that he would have wanted any part of it. That's why people are telling the OP to let the letters idea go and do something else.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Low C Sharp

Fair enough. It may not be worth it in this case. I just think she'd get the value of it even where another middle-aged professor might find it meaningless or stupid.

Right, and I think she'd understand the value, too. My point (or at least one of them) was that appreciating the gesture and the value of that gesture and following through on it do not necessarily correllate -- one can deeply appreciate the gesture of being given letter attire and still not want to wear that attire simply because it's not your style.

Though the OP has clarified and said she has on occasion worn the tee shirt she was given, I still think the best advice for giving lettered attire to someone in her position is to either give something you know she'd feel comfortable wearing or give something that clearly you have no expectation she'll wear. The value of the latter is that the clothing, whatever it is, is symbolic of the underlying gesture of making her entitled to wear the letters, and that underlying gesture is the main message.

[ninah]

Personally, I would be offended if someone who is not in my sorority was allowed to wear my letters. Our house manager went over everyone's heads and made our old advisor a paddle with our letters on it. She's not a Phi Mu, she isn't planning on being initiated as an Alumna member... I felt like it was inappropriate. Now I know fraternities are different - I'm lavaliered to an SAE and I couldn't be more honored to wear their letters. But that is a sign of my commitment to my boyfriend and to his fraternity and his symbol of commitment to me and building a life together. It sounds like your fraternity has already honored your advisor in a way that's more important then allowing her to wear your letters. I agree with the suggestion of buying her a piece of jewelry with your jewel or maybe an engraving of something, it will mean more to her 10 years from now then any article of clothing.

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by ninah

Personally, I would be offended if someone who is not in my sorority was allowed to wear my letters. Our house manager went over everyone's heads and made our old advisor a paddle with our letters on it. She's not a Phi Mu, she isn't planning on being initiated as an Alumna member... I felt like it was inappropriate. Now I know fraternities are different - I'm lavaliered to an SAE and I couldn't be more honored to wear their letters. But that is a sign of my commitment to my boyfriend and to his fraternity and his symbol of commitment to me and building a life together. It sounds like your fraternity has already honored your advisor in a way that's more important then allowing her to wear your letters. I agree with the suggestion of buying her a piece of jewelry with your jewel or maybe an engraving of something, it will mean more to her 10 years from now then any article of clothing.

Personally, I think the old advisor has more entitlement to be acknowledged with a plaque with the letters after putting blood, sweat and tears into the organization than someone wearing a lavaliere simply because she is schtupping a fraternity boy. Not really sure how your relationship to your boyfriend implies you are committed to his fraternity. You're not. It's a tradition though and that makes it ok. But hey, to each his own.

[Kevin]

Knowing nothing about your local rules or anything about your campus or organization, let me throw this potentially terrible suggestion out there--why not elect her the chapter sweetheart? It'd kind of be a two birds/one stone approach. It would resolve the letters issue with some finality, so a future exec board wouldn't be able to come back and change their policy after the fact. It'd also quite possibly be something she'd be honored by and she sounds like she deserves whatever honors are within your power to give.

[AnotherKD]

I don't really have anything constructive to add to this conversation... I just wanted to post to say that I think this is just about the sweetest thing ever. It's hitting me right in the feels.

[KillarneyRose]

Originally Posted by ninah

Our house manager went over everyone's heads and made our old advisor a paddle with our letters on it. She's not a Phi Mu, she isn't planning on being initiated as an Alumna member

adpiucf, I took this to mean that the house manager (not a sister) made a paddle for the advisor (a sister) without understanding of the letters or symbols she was putting on it.

Ninah, is this correct?

[pshsx1]

Hey Brother,

If your adviser is of SigEp caliber (which it definitely sounds like she is), there's nothing wrong with giving her letters. Plus, it's pretty darn good PR when staff of the university are sporting your letters, especially if she's a very respected member of the university.

What I would do, personally, is give her a lavaliere and a lettered hoodie. The lavaliere is something that she can wear every day without being unprofessional. The hoodie would make her feel like she was even more a part of the Brotherhood because she's getting the apparel the we pride the most. Plus, it's nice to have a hoodie sometimes. :P

With the one E-Board member's opposition, here's the deal: the E-Board is one unit. If 6 out of the 7 of you have a very strong disposition toward giving her letters, cool. What needs to happen is you need to really discuss why he's so against that. Take the time to listen; don't just get defensive. Part of being on E-Board, though, is knowing compromise. So, if you come out of that meeting having decided that she will get letters, he will need to suck it up and go along with the rest of the E-Board. From there, the E-Board, as one unit with one opinion, can talk to the chapter and attempt to get them on your side.

There's my 2 cents.