Is Greek right for my dd?

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

ETA: I just reread this and I sound like Tom Earp. Transitions between paragraphs would be nice...

Nah.. not even close. Your writing made sense.

Besides, you forgot all the smilies and the abortive syntax and the !!!!

[tinydancer]

Unfortunately, she put me off when she referred to her daughter as "dd."

[ADPi95]

Originally Posted by JLCo

I think I need to clarify. I said that I think she might do a little research. I was in a hurry when I wrote this. I tend to be a planner- so I will make sure my dd knows what she needs to do to prepare. I think we will get a few recs and do some research... perhaps not as much as what some people here put into it. I just don't see us pursuing a rec for every Greek sorority on campus. While that would be very thorough, I don't see us going that route. Also of note is that meeting sorority members and establishing connections would be very difficult due to distance issues. Therefore, this is not something that I feel we should beat ourselves up about and we will not be brainstorming or researching for ways to meet current members at the schools she is interested in. Although I think preparation is good, I also believe that God has a path for each of us.

BTW- I shared some of the positive advice I received here and dd does seem interested in following through. It does involve some work and preparation and she basically said she is willing to do that. So, I am on board with that if that is what she wants to do. I would never in a million years be interested in joining a sorority for myself- but I will certainly support that path if that is what interests my daughter. My mother and grandmother were members of a sorority, so perhaps she can carry on their tradition.

I'm sure you meant that you AND your daughter will make sure she knows what she needs to do in order to prepare. Part of the fun is planning/preparing for recruitment. It's important she be part of the process.

And you do not have to contact members of the school she wished to attend. As many have already mentioned, for recommendations, you can reach out to those in your own community. There are some great threads on this board on how to secure rec's. This is why it is important to do ALL your research, not just a "little". It will resolve any "issues" you think you have (i.e. distance issues) that aren't even an issue to begin with!

In the end, if you daughter is truly interested, she will want to take an active part in researching, securing rec's, and be truly prepared for recruitment. If she isn't, her participation (or lack thereof) in the process will be evident come recruitment time when she is surrounded by other PNM's who are prepared.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by JLCo

I think I need to clarify. I said that I think she might do a little research. I was in a hurry when I wrote this. I tend to be a planner- so I will make sure my dd knows what she needs to do to prepare. I think we will get a few recs and do some research... perhaps not as much as what some people here put into it. I just don't see us pursuing a rec for every Greek sorority on campus. While that would be very thorough, I don't see us going that route. Also of note is that meeting sorority members and establishing connections would be very difficult due to distance issues. Therefore, this is not something that I feel we should beat ourselves up about and we will not be brainstorming or researching for ways to meet current members at the schools she is interested in. Although I think preparation is good, I also believe that God has a path for each of us.

BTW- I shared some of the positive advice I received here and dd does seem interested in following through. It does involve some work and preparation and she basically said she is willing to do that. So, I am on board with that if that is what she wants to do. I would never in a million years be interested in joining a sorority for myself- but I will certainly support that path if that is what interests my daughter. My mother and grandmother were members of a sorority, so perhaps she can carry on their tradition.

The difference between these two paragraphs is amazing.

Keep in mind that your daughter will now be going off to college, and many things will no longer be "us" and "we". She needs to make her own decisions. Don't be surprised if she counts on you less, shares less with you, and doesn't talk to you as much as she used to once she leaves for school. I understand that you're trying to help, but you also need to let her branch out and succeed or fail on her own.

Originally Posted by ADPi95

In the end, if you daughter is truly interested, she will want to take an active part in researching, securing rec's, and be truly prepared for recruitment. If she isn't, her participation (or lack thereof) in the process will be evident come recruitment time when she is surrounded by other PNM's who are prepared.

This.

[WCsweet<3]

While I understand why you may not want to do all the labor before recruitment, I think it may be something to think over. Re-dos in SEC sorority recruitment are very, very uncommon. Without recs at many of the SEC schools, you are stacking the deck against you. This isn't something your daughter can decide on after recruitment. If your daughter emails her teachers, dance teachers/coaches, family friends, old babysitters etc, it is amazing how many sorority women one knows. There are a ton of panhellenic alumnae chapters throughout the US. Legacy status (aka your mother's sorority) will not matter at many SEC schools because there are a ridiculous amount of legacies going through. Why not try to put her best foot forward if this is something she wants to do?

[PhiAlpha05]

I can't help with SEC recruitment, but I noticed that you (OP) mentioned being from the Midwest. Is the University of Michigan on your radar at all? They are often more generous with scholarships for OOS applicants--one of my sisters had a full ride (and possibly a stipend), and she's from Ohio. Also, we have a thriving but not cutthroat Greek system and a highly ranked dance team (I knew a couple girls who were involved in both), and of course, the academics are almost unmatched, no matter what major she ends up choosing. It might be worth her while to look at U of M or a couple of other schools outside the SEC!

[KitKat58]

OP: University of Alabama has an informative brochure

http://issuu.com/katgillan/docs/greek_chic_2012_final

[greekdee]

Everything Old Row said is true. Even if Alabama is not the school your daughter will attend, what Old Row describes is factual at a lot of SEC schools. I know a ton of girls who have gone through recruitment at Alabama, Ole Miss, Auburn and UGA. (And others, but those are the main four). Most were out-of-state, and even though they were fully prepared, there were still disappointments as the week progressed. SEC recruitment is not for the faint-of-heart, but those who get their ducks in a row before rush, then approach with an open mind, do usually find their sorority home. I've only seen two PNMs try to execute the wing it plan. Neither outcome was good.

If your daughter only thinks she "might" want take part in recruitment, encourage her to prepare. Girls as diligent as what you describe usually take the bull by the horns and get their business done. Even though you said sorority life is something you would not pursue personally, I'm glad you support your daughter's possible interest. Sororities build strong women. Membership allows them to embrace something bigger than themselves and helps equip them for many of life's opportunities and challenges. While it's true that one can find that in other organizations, the lifelong sisterhood part is missing. I can't really explain that element of it to you, but whatever it is, it keeps a lot of alumnae interested and involved in the system decades after their undergrad years. And despite the stereotypes people have tried to saddle sororities with, the system has only gotten bigger and stronger. That speaks volumes IMHO.

Best wishes to your daughter!

[JLCo]

Follow-up:
Re. rushing at SEC university
Thanks so much to everyone who provided words of advice about rushing at an SEC university. Taking into account your suggestions, as well as discussing the culture, the cost of going Greek at these universities, the requisite letters of recommendation and all the other preparation that go into Greek life at a SEC, my daughter decided to go to a Big Ten university instead. Distance from home as well as an incredibly generous scholarship offer from the Big Ten university also played into her choice.

My daughter did sorority rush this year as a sophomore. Her initial plan was to do dance team and sorority her freshman year and then hopefully add a research position her sophomore year. However, her scholarship package included a paid research position starting when she was a freshman, so she delayed rushing sorority to ensure she could keep up her grades.

I got a lot of grief over using the term "unique" for my daughter in this thread. She is highly gifted and those familiar with social, emotional, and personality traits of highly gifted individuals frequently discuss the unique challenges they face because they are different. People do not always like different and sometimes it can lead to being ostracized, as it seems people took offense to me calling her unique in this thread- even though it is commonly accepted highly gifted people are unique = different. I deliberately posted the wrong class rank in this thread to maintain a degree of anonymity until college apps, scholarship apps, dance team auditions, and sorority rush were completed. I think that when I posted this, she was still having some difficulties maturing and overcoming any of what some see as the more negative traits of being gifted.

She did continue to mature, as high school students do. She made NMF and US Presidential Scholar and had many full-ride and full-tuition+ scholarship offers. She accepted a full-ride scholarship offer from a Big Ten school that included tuition, room & board, study abroad scholarship, stipend for books, paid research position, and an additional small NMF scholarship for misc. expenses. They offer 6-8 of these scholarship packages to an incoming class of approx. 8,000 freshman. So, apparently the universities also felt that my daughter was unique. She completed her freshman year in pre-medical studies with a 4.0 GPA, Captain of dance team that competes at the collegiate level, and paid research job. This year she added sorority to her list of activities.

Of note is that my daughter did not obtain any letters of recommendation prior to rushing at this university as the Panhellenic Council advised it was not necessary. She faced the challenge of rushing as an out-of-state student and one who is rushing as a sophomore. However, I think her academic achievements, extra-curricular activities, physical fitness & looks balanced those negatives. She ended up with the maximum number of chapters on her list the third day of Rush and narrowed that down to her favorite two chapters for Preference Day and received a bid from one of her favorite chapters. BTW- she loves her sorority and really enjoys being busy ALL the time!

For those that expressed exasperation that my descriptions "did not add up":
Dance is the most important thing to my daughter as an extra-curricular. That is why she was not interested in doing all the work required of SEC Greek life involvement. Most recently, we discussed she might have to drop either dance or her sorority if the sorority she joined would not excuse for from meetings when she had dance practice. She told me she would drop the sorority if she had to chose between the two. She also told me that being physically fit was more important to her than sorority. Also something to keep in mind- dance offers some of the same social aspects that a sorority offers, although not to the same extent.

My daughter currently has five older dance friends in sororities at UA, Mississippi and South Carolina. I am sure there will be more, given the large size of her dance studio and all the people she knows in the dance world. If any of her younger dance friends plan to go to school in the south, I will be sure to refer them to this site for the wonderful advice you provide to PNMs. Again, thanks to those of you who showed true concern and well-meaning advice regarding the SEC sorority recruitment process. She realized that that environment was probably not a good fit for her. Thanks to your advice, my daughter made college choices that she is very happy with. ��