Going Early Alum... need help.

[33girl]

I know this is a sour grapes-ish answer, but the big-little relationship isn't always the lifechanging awesomeness it's made out to be. I know lots of people who can't stand their bigs/littles. (Your little is also not always younger than you and lots of girls aren't into being "mentored.") Ditto living in. It can be fun, but it can also be stressful. In other words, maybe those things would have been great for you, but there's a chance they could have sucked too. If that makes you feel better.

I advise you to throw yourself wholeheartedly into activities of all sorts at your new school and make lasting friends there. DON'T spend all your time with your boyfriend.

[Old_Row]

Since you are only 19 I'm not sure how you expect to find an alumna even younger than you are to be a big to and mentor? Especially since you were only an active for a couple of months? That doesn't make sense to me.

[DubaiSis]

Agree. I think it's pretty over-blown and seems primarily to be a reason to get/give a mountain of gifts. Many GCers will tell you their membership really started to flower once they became alumnae. It's different, no doubt, but it is still valuable and precious.

Best to move on and discover a new level of sisterhood and not worry about what the 18 year olds are doing or what you missed as a 19 year old member.

[fascination]

Originally Posted by sarawoof

I am told to rap Super Bass by Nicki Minaj, and don't question it as I am overwhelmed.

I didn't understand why OP would be expected to personally apologize to every chapter on campus until I Googled the lyrics. Vulgar is not a strong enough word, so now I understand why. (Even if you cleaned the lyrics up some, obviously other people knew knew how nasty the regular lyrics are.) Just because "someone" told you to rap this doesn't mean you have to. You could have and should have said no. I'm sorry you had to learn this lesson the hard way.

Originally Posted by fascination

I didn't understand why OP would be expected to personally apologize to every chapter on campus until I Googled the lyrics. Vulgar is not a strong enough word, so now I understand why. (Even if you cleaned the lyrics up some, obviously other people knew knew how nasty the regular lyrics are.) Just because "someone" told you to rap this doesn't mean you have to. You could have and should have said no. I'm sorry you had to learn this lesson the hard way.

Honestly, I thought nothing of it. No one else did either. The girls in my house (around 200 of us), the event coordinators, and my mother never thought to take out the lyrics because everyone knows what they are. Honestly, it's not the worst song I've ever heard. It's not like everyone didn't have it on their iPod or hadn't heard it 100 times on the radio, and it was a COLLEGE event. I'm pretty sure that all those people that are legal to VOTE can hear a few cuss words. No one complained to my chapter, no one said anything about it. The president didn't even go to the event, and saw a video of it a couple of days later and realized that no one had told me that things needed to be bleeped out. The sorority that had won the pageant the year before won with a similar rap song called 143 and the lyrics say "girl I don't even care if you a lesbian, that just means we got some common interests." So no one thought mine would be a problem.

As someone who was never told rules or guidelines, and seeing that song win the year before, I really didn't feel that I and only I needed to apologize to everyone by myself. I was COMPLETELY willing to write a letter WITH the house in order to apologize to everyone explaining my situation, and that I was given no direction, and then signing it from both the president and myself.

My mother still saw nothing wrong with the song, nor did any of my peers. The president felt she would get in trouble for not directing me or offering me the help that was supposed to be given so that something like that could be avoided, and didn't want to get in trouble. So she wanted me to take all the blame. She threatened me, insulted me, and then encouraged others to shut me out.

Do I wish that I'd said no to the pageant? Of course.
Do I wish that I'd thought about the song a little more? Sure. I still saw nothing wrong with it in comparison to the year before's, but maybe I should've just told them I wouldn't do that song.
Did I face consequences for it? More than were absolutely necessary, and turned to the point of harassment, and girls telling me to kill myself because I didn't just take the blame and disgraced myself.

Let me tell you something, when you are 18, away from home, joining a new sorority, scared out of your mind that the PRESIDENT is mad at you, and she tells you that she will "personally ruin your reputation in the house and on campus" and then FOLLOWING THROUGH on that threat is NOT what I deserved and should NEVER happen to ANYONE. It's more frightening than the move out of your parents house was, or the fact that you are trying to make new friends and someone with power makes sure you can't. It was the worst thing I've ever been through, and I will not be told that I "should have known better" because from what had been shown as acceptable in the past, and what I was told by girls that had been to this event for four years already told me that it was fine. I did my research. It all checked out.

[agzg]

OK, this thread is getting a little testy. Since some Alpha Gams have already responded to the OP regarding Alpha Gam policy specifically, could we keep the speculation and "some groups" talk to a minimum, since there are those of us here that can more specifically answer her question?

sarawoof, you're going to be an alumna if your membership stuff gets figured out in your favor, so it's time to make the best of the situation. Once your membership stuff is figured out, inquire about contact information for the local JC or other Alumnae group and try to get involved there.

No, you probably won't be able to be someone's sister-mother. It's very rare that an alumna would become someone's sister-mother, and it's usually a very special situation to boot. So I would put that out of your mind.

There are opportunities, once you get used to the "being an alumna, going to JC or Alumnae Chapter/Club meetings" thing, to form close bonds with the women in those groups. Those opportunities are dependent on the group you become involved with. Inquire about the opportunity to be mentored/when you've been around a while, be a mentor. To be quite honest, it seems like you need some mentoring yourself, so I'd inquire about that first.

Once you're used to being an alumna, there are also Pearl Sisters, which have been mentioned already. Please keep in mind that being a Pearl Sister for any colonies in the very near future is inadvisable - you're (first off), still in college, you're busy, and you're trying to figure out what it means to be an Alumna member of Alpha Gamma Delta while you haven't had the opportunity to figure out what it means to be a Collegiate member of Alpha Gamma Delta. Adjusting is going to take a while, so please don't expect it to happen overnight, and practice patience.

At the very least, given the backstory, I'd wait to get at least a few really positive alumna experiences under my belt prior to jumping into a mentor role for any other members. Negativity breeds negativity, etc.

As far as dealing with the emotions, you're just going to have to give yourself time to adjust and remain patient.

Originally Posted by agzg

OK, this thread is getting a little testy. Since some Alpha Gams have already responded to the OP regarding Alpha Gam policy specifically, could we keep the speculation and "some groups" talk to a minimum, since there are those of us here that can more specifically answer her question?

sarawoof, you're going to be an alumna if your membership stuff gets figured out in your favor, so it's time to make the best of the situation. Once your membership stuff is figured out, inquire about contact information for the local JC or other Alumnae group and try to get involved there.

No, you probably won't be able to be someone's sister-mother. It's very rare that an alumna would become someone's sister-mother, and it's usually a very special situation to boot. So I would put that out of your mind.

There are opportunities, once you get used to the "being an alumna, going to JC or Alumnae Chapter/Club meetings" thing, to form close bonds with the women in those groups. Those opportunities are dependent on the group you become involved with. Inquire about the opportunity to be mentored/when you've been around a while, be a mentor. To be quite honest, it seems like you need some mentoring yourself, so I'd inquire about that first.

Once you're used to being an alumna, there are also Pearl Sisters, which have been mentioned already. Please keep in mind that being a Pearl Sister for any colonies in the very near future is inadvisable - you're (first off), still in college, you're busy, and you're trying to figure out what it means to be an Alumna member of Alpha Gamma Delta while you haven't had the opportunity to figure out what it means to be a Collegiate member of Alpha Gamma Delta. Adjusting is going to take a while, so please don't expect it to happen overnight, and practice patience.

At the very least, given the backstory, I'd wait to get at least a few really positive alumna experiences under my belt prior to jumping into a mentor role for any other members. Negativity breeds negativity, etc.

As far as dealing with the emotions, you're just going to have to give yourself time to adjust and remain patient.

This was exactly what I was looking for, so thank you VERY much. I know that I am going to wait before trying to start up any mentor position. I have no negative feelings towards my sorority, just how people acted, and the main causes of the issues that came about. I'm really looking forward to joining my local JC. I can't wait for January to come so that all of this is under way and I can get started!

Thanks for the nicely worded advice. It's nice to not be attacked for once.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by sarawoof

It's nice to not be attacked for once.