Questions from a novice to all things Fraternity

[Football74]

Hi everyone. I am rushing in a couple of weeks at a medium sized school in the south – the school is 30% greek, and we have about 12 fraternities. I am very curious as to the rushing process and have various questions.

1) With 12 fraternities and only 2 nights to visit all of them (2.5 hours each night), I have read that there is simply not enough time to visit all of them and talk to all of the brothers. The Fraternity council recommends visiting every fraternity, but should I just visit the ones I only think I am interested in?

2) This may sound like a silly question, but what type of clothes are worn at these rushing events? Jacket and tie, jeans, regular button down shirt? Does it even matter?

3) What actually goes on during rush? I know I talk to as many brothers as possible, but to be honest, what do I even talk to them about? How do I make myself known/stand out?

4) Finally, this is probably the one that is most concerning to me – actually getting into a fraternity. I did not “go out to the frats” much on the weekends, and I barely know any brothers. Will this give me a huge disadvantage? I hear stories of how other freshman always get invited to fraternity houses by brothers for parties and such, and I don’t know anyone. With about 350 freshman rushing for 12 frats, I feel I probably will not even receive a bid. Is this true?

Thank you all for answering these questions. I look forward to rushing and my 2nd semester of college.

-Tom

[LaneSig]

1) Try and go to as many as possible. But, if you don't feel the "vibe" at one house, don't waste your time. Move on to the next fraternity. Make sure that you do spend time at the ones you have interest in. But, again - if it doesn't feel right, go to the next one.

2) Khakis and button down are always a good choice. It's a casual Friday look. If you are going to the groups on your own, keep a jacket and tie in your car. If you see other pnms in jacket and tie, you can always go back and put yours on.

3) Talk about normal things: campus sports, classes, your interests, etc. Ask questions about the chapter: pledging process, live-in requirements, national philanthropies, gpa requirements. You can ask about socials, but do it in a way that it doesn't look like you only want to join to party.

4) If you know someone in the fraternity, seek them out. If you don't know anyone, just be friendly and don't act shy. There will be other guys who the groups are already aware of and have "bids in hand". But, many of the chapters are looking for guys to add to the chapter.

My best advice: Walk the line of friendliness with confidence - not shy or cocky. If you go in thinking "I'm not going to get a bid", you will set yourself up for failure. Good luck. Come back and let us know how it goes.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Football74

4) Finally, this is probably the one that is most concerning to me – actually getting into a fraternity. I did not “go out to the frats” much on the weekends, and I barely know any brothers. Will this give me a huge disadvantage? I hear stories of how other freshman always get invited to fraternity houses by brothers for parties and such, and I don’t know anyone. With about 350 freshman rushing for 12 frats, I feel I probably will not even receive a bid. Is this true?

Look at it this way -- you can't do anything now about not having met many brother in the past, but at least you know you haven't made a bad impression that you'll be fighting against. Go with the positive.

And just a word of advice: Some fraternity members aren't bothered by the word "frat" at all, but some others find it offensive and disrespectful, sometimes very much so. It's best to stick with "fraternity" instead of "frat" just to be on the safe side.

[Firehouse]

Pay attention to what LaneSig says. It's excellent advice. I'd say, don't be overly concerned about "making the right choice" as if there was only one fraternity that is perfect for you. Once a pledge, you'll find there are things and people you like and things and people you don't like. That is pretty much universal. Your love for your fraternity grows as you pour more of yourself into it.
Here's my best advice: look around and try to identify the fraternity where most of the members are like you.

[Football74]

Thanks for all of the responses - I really appreciate them. I understand how I should join the fraternity where most of the brothers are "like me", but with a limited time spent talking to the members of the fraternities, I feel it will be hard to judge how they act and such. I am fairly certain my school has an orthodox rushing process (2nd round invites back, 3rd round invites back, then smokers or bid round whatever it's called), but I guess the "vibe" will be there.

Anyway, thank you to all.

[wareagle93]

Originally Posted by LaneSig

1) Try and go to as many as possible. But, if you don't feel the "vibe" at one house, don't waste your time. Move on to the next fraternity. Make sure that you do spend time at the ones you have interest in. But, again - if it doesn't feel right, go to the next one.

2) Khakis and button down are always a good choice. It's a casual Friday look. If you are going to the groups on your own, keep a jacket and tie in your car. If you see other pnms in jacket and tie, you can always go back and put yours on.

3) Talk about normal things: campus sports, classes, your interests, etc. Ask questions about the chapter: pledging process, live-in requirements, national philanthropies, gpa requirements. You can ask about socials, but do it in a way that it doesn't look like you only want to join to party.

4) If you know someone in the fraternity, seek them out. If you don't know anyone, just be friendly and don't act shy. There will be other guys who the groups are already aware of and have "bids in hand". But, many of the chapters are looking for guys to add to the chapter.

My best advice: Walk the line of friendliness with confidence - not shy or cocky. If you go in thinking "I'm not going to get a bid", you will set yourself up for failure. Good luck. Come back and let us know how it goes.

Couldn't have said it any better. Also, if you can find out what each Fraternity stands for and their philanthropy efforts, try and tie your extracurricular activities into it, provided that they apply (trust me, this can be a big thing).

Good luck!

P.S. Like LaneSig said, if you don't get the greatest vibe with some of the brothers at a particular house, don't feel bad. There is bound to be ATLEAST one that fits you, so don't hesitate to go onto the next house.

[Football74]

Thanks for all the help, but I did not receive a bid at any of the fraternities

I spent the most of my time at 2 of them, and it just sucks that neither of them gave me a bid. I don't mean to sulk, but it really sucks. I have no idea where I'll live next year and my social life is shot...

Would you recommend re-rushing next semester? UGH I hate this

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Football74

Thanks for all the help, but I did not receive a bid at any of the fraternities

I spent the most of my time at 2 of them, and it just sucks that neither of them gave me a bid. I don't mean to sulk, but it really sucks. I have no idea where I'll live next year and my social life is shot...

Would you recommend re-rushing next semester? UGH I hate this

Ouch, sorry, that can really suck, but trust me, you can have a social life without a fraternity.

Should you rush next semester? Well, that depends on what might be different. Nobody can know why you didn't get a bid, but you can do your best to assess what may have happened. Are your grades low? Did you get totally wasted and hit on a brother's girlfriend? Did you limit yourself by only visiting two chapters and not giving others a fair shot (your earlier posts ping this one for me, but obviously I have limited info)? Do groups on your campus just not traditionally give a lot of spring bids?

[lucgreek]

How are your grades? Did you only look at the two "top tier" groups?

I bet you can have a great social life without being a member of the Greek community. If you're not socially awkward and can handle potentially getting rejected again, look into rushing in the fall. In the meantime, make friends with people in fraternities so you'll have an active member as a personal reference.

Like DBB said, tons of variables as to why you weren't given a bid. We'll never know.

[DubaiSis]

This is something that we deal with a lot with girls going through rush but I bet the same applies for the guys. Were you looking at the chapters who are like you or the ones you would like to be? I don't know you so I'm going to make up a persona for you as an example. You're a nice guy, pretty smart, a little geeky, not bad looking but nobody's gonna accuse you of being Brad Pitt. The 2 fraternities you decided were the ones you should focus on are the Brad Pitts of campus, the ones where the girls positively humiliate themselves to hang out with, fanciest houses on campus. Now, there's nothing wrong with you and there's nothing wrong with them, but that is not a good fit. And because these guys are pros, you probably got a sense of welcome from them that made you mislead yourself.

If you have an opportunity, and some of the fraternities might not be done rushing, I would keep going or try again. Think about what you might have done wrong or what you might have done better. You asked about clothes. Were you dressed right? Did you hang out an appropriate amount of time - not too short, not too long? How's your grooming? How are your conversation skills?