Are you a PNM wondering what you can do to "improve your chances" at recruitment?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

Thank you notes are not a regional thing. They are a manners thing.

Exactly.

Plus stationery is cute and fun and girly to buy.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

...with a man helping a women on with her coat, a gentleman opening up the car door and pulling out a ladies chair.

No, those unnecessary things are not just about manners.

If you think they are, that highlights how manners and necessity in this sense are subjective. Some people think "thank you" cards are manners and, therefore, much needed and others think the "thank you" is implied (or stated) in even being asked to do the favor in the first place.

I think the larger debate in this thread is whether thank you cards have an impact on a PNM's chances. I can't speak on that as far as NPC but I can say that the lack of any type of thank you, or a Soror's belief that an aspirant is ungrateful in general, can impact the aspirant's chances if the Soror cares enough to talk to the Sorors who are in charge of membership intake. That does happen but it isn't rampant.

<===lane swerve from someone who tends to both write and receive "thank you" cards, emails, or some type of interaction that shows appreciation

[FSUZeta]

well then, maybe the pnm (no matter where she resides) should err on the side of caution and send a thank-you note, whether she thinks it is necessary or not. I have never heard of anyone who complained about receiving a thank you note, but as we have seen here, several women would have appreciated receiving one.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

well then, maybe the pnm (no matter where she resides) should err on the side of caution and send a thank-you note, whether she thinks it is necessary or not. I have never heard of anyone who complained about receiving a thank you note, but as we have seen here, several women would have appreciated receiving one.

I was going to say - maybe the girls don't send thank you notes because they don't know if the women wrote the rec and have no way to find out? I mean isn't that kind of like sending a thank-you note before someone even sends you a present, just assuming they will do so? I would feel quite silly if I wrote a TY note to someone thanking them for the birthday present and never got anything.

Or should they put a TY note in with the packet when they send it to the alumna? That sounds like it would make more sense.

And again, thank you notes are NOT a Southern thing, they're a good etiquette thing, period.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Or should they put a TY note in with the packet when they send it to the alumna? That sounds like it would make more sense.
.

This.

That is what was recommended that I do when I went through the process, and what I have suggested to PNMs through the years as I have been helping them with recs. If it is just me that they are sending a packet to, then obviously I would never tell them to inlcude the note. In that case they know me, and would know how to send the note a little later.

But, if they are sending the packets through an alumnae panhellenic, if I have offered to have a friend do a rec for a group that they have been unable to secure, or if I am giving them general pointers for what goes in the packets for recs they are securing on their own, then absolutely I tell them to include the Thank You note in the packet. It can be as generic as to "thank you for taking the time to write the rec for me. I recognize that your summer is busy, and appreciate that you would offer to help. l look forward to attending ABC university and can't wait to participate in recruitment."

Easy Peasy.

And, as someone who has lived my entire life in the south, I have never considered Thank You notes to be unique to this part of the country.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

A catfight over thank-you notes?
You people are really bored!

Originally Posted by katydidKD

Pretty much everything on here is worth being bitchy about to some posters.

And there is certainly nothing catty or bitchy about these two posts.

Originally Posted by 33girl

And again, thank you notes are NOT a Southern thing, they're a good etiquette thing, period.

Originally Posted by Blondie93

And, as someone who has lived my entire life in the south, I have never considered Thank You notes to be unique to this part of the country.

I agree. No matter what region I'm in, people are sending thank you cards or showing appreciation in some way (phone call, lunch, etc).

[Low C Sharp]

I'm in the midwest, and my office recently hired a new staffer. Two of the three finalists sent thank-you emails to everyone they met at their callbacks; one did not. The successful candidate was one that did. Yes, it's partly that it shows ongoing interest in the job. But the bigger issue is that jobs in my field include lots of client communication and building relationships with outside entities. It is very important to us to see evidence that a candidate thinks about and follows rules of etiquette.
________
HotWetPussy4u live

[KD4Me]

Ok, so I just re-read my original post, and I see now how it could come across to some that I the purpose of my post was to complain that I hadn't received a thank you note for the rec that I'm writing. That really wasn't my intent. I live in an area with a very active alumnae panhellenic association that provides PNMs with a lot of information about how to prepare for sorority recruitment (sample resumes, examples of how to contact alumnae and ask for recommendations (including specific instructions to send thank you notes for those recommendations), what is appropriate to wear for recruitment (not university specific, but more like not too short, too low-cut, etc.). She had obviously followed all instructions to a tee, with the exception of any sort of acknowledgement or personal note/post-it, etc. to the alumnae (I assume that everyone received a packet identical to mine) writing her recs. It was with this frame of reference that I wrote the post, and I was thinking about how she had obviously spent hours and hours preparing her info packet but overlooked the thank you (or maybe she didn't know to send one, whatever). What I intended was a post reminding PNMs that it is polite to send a thank you for such a courtesy, and to do so. Maybe it will help them get a rec that is slightly better because the writer will think better of them, maybe not. I didn't mean to imply that I was holding anything against her, wouldn't write the rec, that if I send a glowing recommendation she would gain an instant bid, or that any particular part of the country has a monopoly on manners. I certainly have overlooked my fair share of thank-you notes over the years.

Regarding the specifics, I think that it is a good practice for the PNM to send the thank-you a week or two after she sends her packets to the alumnae because it will serve as a reminder that the rec needs to be written (if it hasn't been already) or will bring it to light if a packet has been misdirected in the mail. She shouldn't worry about feeling silly about sending it (a previous post said that she would feel silly sending it if the letter had not been written, like sending a thank you for a gift that hadn't yet been given) because the alumna has said that she would write the letter. Saying, "Thank you for sending a recommendation" works for either a past or future action. That's just how I would do it, though.

Sorry to have created a firestorm. It wasn't my intent!

[tld221]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

People, if you EXPECT a thank-you note and are going to get POed for not receiving one, do everyone involved a favor and refrain from doing favors.

Exactly. TY cards are a nice gesture, but by no means should be expected, especially if the person wasnt raised to do such, or have the social etiquette edcation to know such. We're talking 17 year olds who do a majority of communication by text/email/word of mouth. They may very well think saying "thanks" at the end of their email or saying thanks over the phone is enough.

Also, if their parents arent privy to the process, or that theyre even applying to be in a sorority, would mom/dad even know to remind the PNM to send a TY card?

Originally Posted by shirley1929

Seriously. That's what I think it means. Someone took an hour out of their day to interview you and you can't take 5 minutes to write a note? Emily Post in me would prefer handwritten, but even if it's an email...it shows your level of interest or lack thereof.

I swear I'm not trying to snark, it's just what I know.

Seriously. You didnt "take a hour out" of your day - it's part of your job/responsibility - as an employee to your company, as an alumni to your organization. If you don't want to do it, find a way to relieve yourself from the responsibility.

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I don't necessarily care if I get a thank you note, but it's nice if you maybe email me and say thanks.

If we're talking recs, I'm FAR more peeved by the Last Minute PNM who waits right up until the deadline and sends me a crazy freak out email asking me to "omg please help bc I totally forgot I needed to get these!!!!!!" then expects me to pause my life to help, and sends me multiple emails rushing me to get them (when she was the one who forgot.) Or sends me a snippy email if I say I can't help her because she waited too late and I'm too busy.

YES this is way more of an an offense than no TY card. Telling me you need something on a Thursday and its Wednesday night? UGH. HOWEVER, if you agree to do it on short notice, part of me thinks you forfeit the right to grumble about it. Yes, let the PNM know that it's really unprofessional to do such, but again, theyre 17. Professional isn't on their list of attributes yet.

[KSUViolet06]

^^^I try to let them know (in a nice way) not rush me if they start to. I'm not going to grumble about doing something on a short notice, but if I tell you "I'll be able to get this done by x date" I like for PNMs to TRUST that and not bug me with emails about it every day up until that. lol.

I once agreed to write one for a PNM and told her I'd have it done and sent by next week. In the time leading up to that, she not only emailed me 3 times asking when it was going to be ready but her MOM called me too.

I flat out replied to her and told her "it's unecessary for you to keep emailing me about this. I'm going to do it. Please relax."

[pam713]

Some time ago there was a thread about "being groomed to join a sorority from birth." The girls I get thank you notes from frequently fall into that category. They are the same girls that have been through Cotillion, etiquette classes, etc. It's not that the thank you note helps them get into a sorority, but I think that they (and their mothers) just seem to know the best way to collect recs and how to have a successful recruitment.

For girls who are new to Greek life, the idea of sending a thank you note might never cross their mind since many of them don't know what's involved. I am usually willing to cut those girls a little slack.

However, there is one girl for whom I wrote a rec and she actually pledged my sorority. I have known this girl since she was four and I was so excited for her. I actually contacted her after she pledged but I have never gotten a thanks or any kind of acknowledgment. Although her mother was not in a sorority, I did feel like she should have know better. So, yes, sometimes it bothers me.