is Zeta right for me?

[blingqueen]

I have gone through rush and initiation into Zeta at my campus. However, I have not really felt a connection to any of the girls there....there was no spark during initiation...there was no one trying to connect to their new and confused sister...and there has been no one there to reach out and say "why havent you been involved?" I feel as if they don't care, and maybe I've been a little lacking on my part as well. But, it's not that I don't feel a connection with the fraternity itself, and what it stands for...and everything about it! But, I guess it hasn't really been working out for me. Because of this I am almost on the verge of financial expulsion...1. because I simply don't have the money and 2. because I haven't been involved enough to be aware. I want to pay and maybe stay in it only because I would want to transfer schools eventually and become a Zeta on a different campus. What do yall think? This has been stressing me out for months now, and now I'm running short on time due to financial expulsion....(I would rather take the expulsion if it's not going to work out because I don't have the money, but if I could manage to make this work on my current campus/another campus I'm willing to scrape the money together)
thank you so much,
ZLAM!
ps-this is also a hard decision due to the fact my grandmother was just diagnosed with breat cancer...

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by blingqueen

I have gone through rush and initiation into Zeta at my campus. However, I have not really felt a connection to any of the girls there....there was no spark during initiation...there was no one trying to connect to their new and confused sister...and there has been no one there to reach out and say "why havent you been involved?" I feel as if they don't care, and maybe I've been a little lacking on my part as well. But, it's not that I don't feel a connection with the fraternity itself, and what it stands for...and everything about it! But, I guess it hasn't really been working out for me. Because of this I am almost on the verge of financial expulsion...1. because I simply don't have the money and 2. because I haven't been involved enough to be aware. I want to pay and maybe stay in it only because I would want to transfer schools eventually and become a Zeta on a different campus. What do yall think? This has been stressing me out for months now, and now I'm running short on time due to financial expulsion....(I would rather take the expulsion if it's not going to work out because I don't have the money, but if I could manage to make this work on my current campus/another campus I'm willing to scrape the money together)
thank you so much,
ZLAM!
ps-this is also a hard decision due to the fact my grandmother was just diagnosed with breat cancer...

QFP

Sorry about your grandmother, but what does that have to do with your decision to stay active in your GLO?

[blingqueen]

zeta philanthropy is breast cancer education and awareness...just adds a little more tug on my heart.

[U Go Glen Coco!]

Originally Posted by blingqueen

I have gone through rush and initiation into Zeta at my campus. However, I have not really felt a connection to any of the girls there....there was no spark during initiation...there was no one trying to connect to their new and confused sister...and there has been no one there to reach out and say "why havent you been involved?" I feel as if they don't care, and maybe I've been a little lacking on my part as well. But, it's not that I don't feel a connection with the fraternity itself, and what it stands for...and everything about it! But, I guess it hasn't really been working out for me. Because of this I am almost on the verge of financial expulsion...1. because I simply don't have the money and 2. because I haven't been involved enough to be aware. I want to pay and maybe stay in it only because I would want to transfer schools eventually and become a Zeta on a different campus. What do yall think? This has been stressing me out for months now, and now I'm running short on time due to financial expulsion....(I would rather take the expulsion if it's not going to work out because I don't have the money, but if I could manage to make this work on my current campus/another campus I'm willing to scrape the money together)
thank you so much,
ZLAM!
ps-this is also a hard decision due to the fact my grandmother was just diagnosed with breat cancer...

If you can't afford a sorority on your current campus, what makes you think you can afford ZTA on a new campus?

Don't be so quick to assume you can affiliate with ZTA on the new campus.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

It is YOUR job to put in the effort to get involved, not someone else's job to ask why you aren't.

[excelblue]

As with pretty much every GLO (or in fact, any organization you can possibly get involved in): the amount of connection you get is almost completely dependent on how much you put into it yourself.

The connection is a two-way thing, and there's only so much any one individual can put in to try to connect with the others. However, if you try to connect with everyone else, you will get what you are looking for in reciprocation.

Instead of thinking about dropping out (since you're already initiated), why don't you call up a few sisters right now and arrange a simple, fun activity?

[SassyZTA]

I would encourage you to tell your sisters how you feel. I know that when a girl is considering leaving our chapter, it's usually because she's been quiet about what's been troubling her. It's VERY likely that no one has a clue what you're going through and that can happen when the ladies are extremely busy. As others said you DEFINITELY have to make an effort to hang out with sisters and in my experience as long as you put yourself out there--girls will do the same. I know that dues are expensive, but putting yourself on a budget can help and paying your dues in small amounts is vital. I personally pay my dues (as opposed to my parents paying them) and I just take $20 or $30 bucks from each check and put it towards my dues.

Good Luck sister.

[Kevin]

Going to swerve into your lane here because the problems OP expresses are pretty common across the board.

1) Financial: This is the easiest problem to fix. Lean on your sisters, have them help you get a better job. If you're financially independent, ask some other sisters in the same position what they do for money. So long as it doesn't involve borrowing extra student loan money to pay dues (which is dumb), see what they can do to hook you up.

2) Don't feel a connection. This is your fault as much as it is your organization's. Remember that your membership is not just 4 and done, but it is for life. You might not feel at connection at 9:10 a.m., CDT on December 29th, 2010, but how about April 29th, 2035 when you're on your chapter's advisory board helping a younger sister who was once in the exact same situation you now find yourself in?

This is one of those areas where you truly do get out of it what you put into it. If you don't feel the chapter has reached out to you, reach out to them. I would recommend starting with your pledge class or your big (if you have one). A semester often isn't enough time to find your place in an organization, and as you said, you haven't been involved enough, so that's your fault.

Fixing these issues is doable and not that tough. You're an initiate, so you are wanted. Whether you want to is up to you.

[LaneSig]

Originally Posted by Kevin

Remember that your membership is not just 4 and done, but it is for life. You might not feel at connection at 9:10 a.m., CDT on December 29th, 2010, but how about April 29th, 2035 when you're on your chapter's advisory board helping a younger sister who was once in the exact same situation you now find yourself in?

Here's a statement that needs to be QFP. Well said.

[Gatorbaby]

Hey girl, I felt the same exact way as you. But I kept on doing little things to get involved like eating lunch and dinner at the house consistently. I know know know that the stress of other things (such as your grandmother) can get in the way of how much energy you have to spend on outside activity, and a sorority is both an intimidating and time intensive venture.
But here's what I did:
I talked to my Big. Granted, we have our differences and still are not on the same page in terms of many many things and we don't get along completely swimmingly. However, when I went to talk to her about me being scared and confused in terms of the whole "staying in Zeta" thing, she was understanding and talked to me for an extended period of time, surprisingly. People do care, but it is your decision to reach out. I encourage you to do so, greatly. You'll be pleasantly surprised by who you who see catch you when you take that leap.
Also, by me going to the lunches and dinners I was able to better socialize with some of the other members of my sorority. Now I have a solid group of 3 friends who make me realize why I'm in Zeta. They keep me on track academically and encourage me to do things I'd never consider before in order to better grow as an individual.
As a side note, I believe that saying "it's your fault, get involved" not only is callous but incorrect. Being a part of a sorority is not only a major time commitment, but a conscious decision to be made. How much social time do you have within an academic schedule? How well do you get along with your peers in said sorority? It's part of growing up to not only question your own involvement and if it's worth your time (it isn't, always, and GLOs aren't the answer for everybody), but, most importantly, what you're going to get out of your experience with that participation in your GLO.
Therefore, I ask, instead of callously dismissing concerns with "get involved" or "what does your family problem have to do with your GLO?" that instead we support our sister in her journey to find what's best for her because her family problems have everything to do with her involvement in her GLO in addition to other factors.
Going Greek is a different way of life - it is a choice, and a damned good one (in my opinion). One that can really really benefit you in the future and right now. However, you must make the decision to invest into it for the positive turn out and solidarity that really is the essence of a GLO (the brotherhood/sisterhood), and what we can accomplish together (volunteer work, philanthropic opportunities, personal growth for each of us). Don't decide to stick with it for your sisters, for your family problems, or because of anybody else but YOU.
Please please drop a line if you need to talk and I'll be happy to listen to you. I was in this position not too long ago and I really do empathize!
Good luck! ZL

*By the way: There was no "spark" for me with Zeta. I just woke up one day and realized how integral Zeta was to me and how much I really really enjoyed the sisterhood I had with my friends in it. I really don't know what I'd do without those gals, now, they're really exceptional! The experience is different for everybody, but it wasn't an automatic, instant love like others are fortunate enough to experience (it seems that going down this slower road is more agonizing, haha!).
Just because you and I have been initiated and know all of the rituals/secrets, etc. doesn't make us Zetas. It's something to work toward, I believe. It's about following our creed each and every day, holding ourselves to higher standards, and growing as people in this exciting time called "college" . That's why I could never be automatically in love with my GLO, because it had to slowly mold me and make me a better person for me to realize how much I loved it. It's still a process too, by the way.

[FSUZeta]

"Just because you and I have been initiated and know all of the rituals/secrets, etc. doesn't make us Zetas. It's something to work toward, I believe. It's about following our creed each and every day, holding ourselves to higher standards, and growing as people in this exciting time called "college"" Gatorbaby

you may be newly initiated, but you are wise beyond your years, sister!

blingqueen, please heed the advice everyone has shared in your thread. please understand that two of the posters are men and several of the other posters are members in other sororities, so is not just a solitary situation that you are experiencing in zta. in fact, there have been several threads in previous years where new members or newly initiated members have the exact same feelings you do. those feelings can extend to new alumnae too, especially if the new alumna moves to a different part of the country.

sign up to serve on a committee, help out when you see a need, really put yourself out there. talk to your big sister, a pc member or someone whom you do feel a connection to. participate in the "race for the cure" and other breast cancer events your chapter holds-it will help you to feel that you are helping in the fight, and in turn, championing the fight for your grandmother. prayers that she wins her fight!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Gatorbaby

Being a part of a sorority is not only a major time commitment, but a conscious decision to be made.

Yes, but that's an evaluation you should make BEFORE initiation. If you have a very time-consuming major or need to work multiple jobs to afford college, you should ask the Greek life advisor or women at rush on average how much time a sorority will take. It varies wildly from school to school and sometimes from chapter to chapter, but if it's a concern you can ballpark it.

One of the women we gave an open bid to put off pledging because she was also running for Student Senate. SS would help her greatly in her intended career. She told us that she didn't want to join and then be blowing things off to do SS things. When she was elected to Senate, she let us know and her bid ran out. I have so much respect for her for doing that and being so considerate of our feelings, as well as realistic.

[Gatorbaby]

^ I disagree. I didn't check beforehand and having the sorority as a time constraint has not only made me more efficient in studying but also happier and more directed in keeping my GPA up (so that I can make my chapter proud and represent us well as a pre-med student with a high GPA). I've made good friends that I know will support me through my academic challenges. However, had I looked into technically how much time a sorority takes, I would've been freaked out and dropped my bid. If you want to make it work, it can and it will.
That being said, and with me taking an exit from a personal anecdote, I do respect those who consider how much a sorority can be as a time constraint if they have other goals in mind. It is always best to be informed before joining, but life doesn't always work out this way! And I find that if a member works with exec or those in charge there are ways to squeak around things.

[gaangel5]

Originally Posted by Gatorbaby

Just because you and I have been initiated and know all of the rituals/secrets, etc. doesn't make us Zetas. It's something to work toward, I believe. It's about following our creed each and every day, holding ourselves to higher standards, and growing as people in this exciting time called "college" . That's why I could never be automatically in love with my GLO, because it had to slowly mold me and make me a better person for me to realize how much I loved it. It's still a process too, by the way.

Gatorbaby, I'm so glad I wrote you a rec for Zeta. I totally agree with FSUZeta that you are wise beyond your years.

Blingqueen - I hope you make the right decision for you. If you need someone to talk to, IM me. Please let us know how it turns out. Zeta love!