I feel guilty. Should I?

[medusa77]

My friend is a single mother. She has been since '06 or '07. Her son's father abandoned them. (This much is true.) I used to visit her in the shelter she was living in. After I went out of my way to help her find a job, go back to college, get childcare, and find a suitable subsidized housing apartment, I thought things were finally on the up and up. Last week, she told me that she ran into her mother, who she hasn't spoken to for over a year. Her mother said that baby-daddy was trying to reach out- from prison. He was sending letters to her mother's old address. Her mother had gone back there to visit someone, and the super gave her a few letters that were not returned to him. Now, my friend wants to defend him. She said that the violent assault charge he got must be a result of him being provoked by the victim. I [as kindly as possible] told her that you don't get five years for your first offense, because you were provoked. I also said that he's only been in prison since 2009. Where was he in 2006, 2007, and 2008? I pointed out that she has not seen him for over four years. A person can change a lot in four years. She wants to go visit him, and bring their son with her. I said that I don't think that's a good idea, the first time. She hasn't seen or spoken to him. I said that she should at least find out where his head is at, before exposing her son to that. Especially, since he's old enough to understand that his father is in prison. When I finished, she was crying. I know that all children deserve a father in their life; but they also deserve a good father. My biggest fear, is that she'll sacrifice everything she's rebuilt, for him-and when he gets out in 2014, he'll abandon them again.

[ATLshawty1]

You are a good friend, and are giving her sound advice. I dont understand why sometimes we as women sell ourselves so short. smh.

[TonyB06]

What are you supposed to feel guilty about? Unless you left something out, you're not even in the situation. Your friend will either figure it out for herself, or go through another cycle of pain before she figures it out.

Either way, if you are a friend, all you can do at this point is pray for her ... and be there for her (again) should she make the wrong decision.

[AFROfemme]

Not at all. If you allow yourself to feel guilty, it will only stress you out even more. You have to let her find out on her own. Yes, it hurts to watch your friend suffer; but sometimes the best growth occurs when all other options have been exhausted. Have a blessed day=]]

[mccoyred]

You gave her great advice and are a very good friend.

[als463]

Hello. Excuse the lane swerve but, I saw this post from you and I wanted to respond. You are a DAMN GOOD friend! Don't let ANYONE tell you different! You went out of your way to help this friend get back on her feet. It sounds to me that anyone would be blessed to call you a friend because you genuinely care about people. As a member of the Greek community, you give the rest of us (particularly the ladies of AKA) a positive image.

I really hope it works out for you and your friend. Being honest with someone and trying to help them see something that they are trying to avoid seeing makes you an incredible person. Please don't ever change.

[libramunoz]

You did what was right and what you see is best for her in this situation.

There is no reason for you to feel guilty, you are being a friend to her and that's what she needs at this point and time.

Sometimes your true friends are those who tell you the truth.

[als463]

Originally Posted by libramunoz

You did what was right and what you see is best for her in this situation.

There is no reason for you to feel guilty, you are being a friend to her and that's what she needs at this point and time.

Sometimes your true friends are those who tell you the truth.

I couldn't have said it any better, myself. True.