Would you get married quickly if you had no doubts?

[KSUViolet06]

At six months, I feel like you are still sort of "honeymooning" and may still be exhibiting "dating" behavior.

Everything they do, even the annoying stuff is still adorable to you.

So of course they're going to be perfect in your eyes and you aren't going to have any doubts that he is the one.

I'm one of those crazy people who thinks that you really need to get out of the honeymoon stage and get to know someone before making any sort of lifetime committment to them.

[christiangirl]

While totally true, the question wasn't about how soon is too soon to know someone. It was more of a magical question: If you knew all the important stuff and had a guarantee this was the right person to marry, would you go ahead and do it? Or do you have the kind of personality that would just hold off because it's a comfortable stage to be in and you wouldn't feel like pushing forward? I meant it more like that.

I see dating (in my limited scope of it) to be like this: The initial getting-to-know-you phase where you're constantly weeding through info for the important stuff, determining compatability. That takes lots of adjusting and compromise. You make the decision to "be together" which takes more adjusting and compromising. Moving in/engaged/married--same thing. That may be one of the reasons many marriages fail within the first couple years IMO. If you're constantly "moving" in the relationship, you're not used to just being in one stage with each other for a long time--and that's pretty much what marriage is so if you haven't "practiced" it you're less likely to succeed doing it. You have to know how to move forward with each other but learning to just hold still with each other is pretty important, too.

Obviously, that's not true of all people whose relationships progress quickly, but that's one aspect I notice. I always thought I was one who'd "just know" and then go for it but maybe that's not me. Because, a couple years ago, what dreamseeker and agzg described would have sounded pointless and avoidant to me. Right now, it sounds pretty fantastic.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

While totally true, the question wasn't about how soon is too soon to know someone. It was more of a magical question: If you knew all the important stuff and had a guarantee this was the right person to marry, would you go ahead and do it? Or do you have the kind of personality that would just hold off because it's a comfortable stage to be in and you wouldn't feel like pushing forward? I meant it more like that.

My husband and I went ahead and did it (sort of). We got engaged less than a year after we started dating. We moved in together a few months later. We didn't actually exchange rings / exchange vows / break the glass / have the big party until two years after we moved in together (much to my uber-Catholic father's chagrin) but that was because we wanted to get through grad school and have enough money to pay for the wedding we wanted.

When you meet Mr. or Ms. Right, you just... know. If you both have that "I just know" feeling - why wait?

[dreamseeker]

it is fantastic.

[lovespink88]

Yes. I would marry my fiance tomorrow if I could, but unfortunately we're not in that position to do so financially.

But then again, we've been together three years, so that's not exactly getting married quickly lol

My parents were a get married quick couple. It's not that they felt rushed or anything, they just knew. They dated for three months when they got engaged. They married 9 months later. They will be married for 25 years in September!

[DrPhil]

No. I don't believe in "quick fixes."

[DaemonSeid]

No...never. No need to rush anything

[Barbie's_Rush]

I don't think you can truly know someone and know they are right for you in six months. I think it takes at least a year and probably up to two years to really see who they are in all kinds of situations. That said, I think some people end up being lucky when they marry quickly and really do find the person they were meant to be with for the long haul. But that has more to do with luck than really knowing the person through and through and they grow into a great relationship through marriage.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

I don't think you can truly know someone and know they are right for you in six months. I think it takes at least a year and probably up to two years to really see who they are in all kinds of situations. That said, I think some people end up being lucky when they marry quickly and really do find the person they were meant to be with for the long haul. But that has more to do with luck than really knowing the person through and through and they grow into a great relationship through marriage.

I agree 100% and with zero exceptions. I think it's a combination of lucky (and basic probability) and God's grace.

"Me and yo mama knew each other for 5 weeks when we got married. We've had some rough times and played with fire, but through luck and the grace of God, we made it."

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I really don't think one can make generalizations like this. Everyone's situations are different. When my sister married her husband. they'd known each other for 10 months -- they'd been engaged for 5 of those months. Thirty-three years, three kids and three grandkids later, they're going strong. I don't think luck has had much to do with it at all. It's been love (both romantic, fall-in-love kind and the decide to love kind) and commitment.

That was close to at least a year.

Getting engaged isn't the end-all because engagements can be broken and often are because people learn things after the "dating grace period" has ended. It's the quick marriage vows in less than a year that I don't agree with unless we're talking about the norm 50+ years ago (then people under the age of 18 should also be getting married more than they are now).

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Everyone's different. When you know it's right, you know it's right.

That's cute. I don't give a darn what other people do with their lives until it impacts mine. But, I believe that something that is "right" right now will also be "right" if you wait a little longer to "cross the teeeees" and "dot the iiiiiiiiiiis."

Michael McDonald said it best in "I Knew You Were Waiting for Me."

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

But, I believe that something that is "right" right now will also be "right" if you wait a little longer to "cross the teeeees" and "dot the iiiiiiiiiiis."

That's true. But just because you would wait longer doesn't mean others are obliged to.

My thing is that the OP's question is one without a single right answer, and it's kinda stupid to think otherwise. Everyone's mileage will vary. The corrollary of not caring what other people do until it has an impact on me is not caring what other people think about what I'm doing if I'm doing what works for me and my significant other.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

That's true. But just because you would wait longer doesn't mean others are obliged to.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I don't give a darn what other people do with their lives until it impacts mine.

........

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

That's true. But just because you would wait longer doesn't mean others are obliged to.

My thing is that the OP's question is one without a single right answer, and it's kinda stupid to think otherwise. Everyone's mileage will vary. The corollary of not caring what other people do until it has an impact on me is not caring what other people think about what I'm doing if I'm doing what works for me and my significant other.

You're absolutely right. It's totally based on the individual couple. While I would be disarmed by my 18 year old cousin getting married to someone he knew after 6 months, my 36 year old sister getting married after less than a year of knowing someone is less bothersome. As you get older and know what you want out of life, it's easier to make that decision after less time.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

You're absolutely right. It's totally based on the individual couple. While I would be disarmed by my 18 year old cousin getting married to someone he knew after 6 months, my 36 year old sister getting married after less than a year of knowing someone is less bothersome. As you get older and know what you want out of life, it's easier to make that decision after less time.

So, it isn't so simple as "it's their business" and "when you know, you know?"

Whowouldathunkit?!

OMG...how do we know when someone knows what they want out of life and when they are old enough? Do we rebuke opinions until the opinion gods say so?

[BluPhire]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

You're absolutely right. It's totally based on the individual couple. While I would be disarmed by my 18 year old cousin getting married to someone he knew after 6 months, my 36 year old sister getting married after less than a year of knowing someone is less bothersome. As you get older and know what you want out of life, it's easier to make that decision after less time.

Ummm no. I know many a 36 year old that still doesn't know anything about themselves or life, get into quick marriages because the biological clock is ticking. From my POV no matter the age, if I believed in it no matter whaat age I would not have worries. If I don't, I still wouldn't have a different opinion based on age.

[nittanygirl]

i'm a wait it out kind of person. i think it's crazy to get married too young.

bf and i have been together for 4 years this july and we're not rushing anything. we made a sorta mention of 2013.... soooo that will be 7 years together before marriage lol if it happens
it's weird to see a lot of HS friends getting married already.
Also his sister is getting married this year and I've been around longer than her fiance lol which is actually quite interesting to see