American Torry-Ann Hansen SENDS BACK Adopted Russian Son Artem

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I vividly remember the "black backlash" about White parents adopting Black babies, and I ignored it back then too. People who complain about a problem without offering a solution suck. I know of a handful of black families who have adopted; most often it tends to be within the family or the community, or even within a church.

Yep.

deepimpact, when I type about Blacks and the Black community, I am speaking generally. It doesn't matter what's going on at the individual-level in terms of some people's jobs, some people's neighborhoods, and among some people's friends and families. These are the exceptions. The "rule" is that adoption is more uncommon (and tends to hold a stigma) among Blacks and that is definitely correlated with the higher fertility rate and disproportionate poverty of Blacks.

There are Black adoption agencies and Homes for Black Children has a 2005 article online (I doubt much has changed since 2005) where they think they are disspelling myths about Blacks and adoption. I won't get into the other stuff, but:


"Reality: African American families are willing and able to adopt
At the time Homes for Black Children was formed, the prevailing belief in child welfare was that African American families were poor and already had as many or more children than they could afford. For some, that belief remains. We, however, knew that there were black families who were financially, emotionally, and spiritually capable of adopting. We knew about families who postponed having children to build a solid economic foundation for their lives, and then found they could not give birth.
In our first six months of operation, more than 700 families from across the U.S. called or wrote to us about adopting. In our first year, with a staff of six, Homes for Black Children placed 135 African American children in adoptive homes—more than the other 13 metro Detroit child welfare agencies combined."
Source: http://www.nacac.org/adoptalk/blackadoptionmyths.html

Sure, this may be true, but that doesn't translate to "many" Black families in comparison to the total pool of Black families. It also doesn't mean that adoption is a common (non-stigmatized and non-secretive) practice in the larger Black community. Moreover, having 700 families inquire about adoption (for whatever reasons) doesn't mean that the majority of those families would make it past the first two rounds of screening (hopefully, there is rigorous screening) and be found suitable.

This doesn't mean that the majority of white inquirers are suitable, but the pool and probability are larger due to the larger population size of whites (white families) as compared to Blacks.

[ThetaPrincess24]

Originally Posted by Fatal1913

Do they tell you if a child is mentally challenged prior to the completion of an adoption?

I am unsure as to what all Russia discloses. I know that Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is a huge issue in a lot of the orphanages, and it does an adoptive family well to request current weight and measurements and allow a doctor who is experienced with foreign adoptions to review the medical history they send you. This helped my friends avoid some trouble. They were up for a brother & sister adoption. Once they got the current measurements back on the boy, it was clear he had fetal alcohol syndrome which was something that wasnt disclosed initially on the paperwork. It is not uncommon for adoptive parents to bring children back here from a foreign adoption, get checked out by an American doctor, and discover other problems. If the problems are intentially left out of the paperwork or not is speculation. Failure to thrive is a major issue with children from a lot of foreign countries because there are so many children and not enough help.

With Russia anyway you do have to make a trip to Russia to meet your child for a few days, and then in a few months you go back for about 28 days or so to pick them up and finalize the adoption process. Atleast that is how my friends have done it/are doing it.

[Kevin]

Sometimes you get more than you bargained for in adoption.. or with your own kids.

To think these kids come with a money-back guarantee though... someone should lock this lady up. In adoption, you get what you get.

[ForeverRoses]

former co-worker of mine adopted from Russia and said that the biggest problems with the children in the orphanages were attachment problems and fetal alcohol syndrome- and in many cases both. When they returned with their son (he was about 1 when they go him) they began therapy almost immediately with him because of delays. He is now around 5 and is still in therapy, but leads a pretty normal life. (at least based on what I can tell via facebook)

I can sort of understand getting so frustrated that you don't know what to do to help a child, but sending them back in this way does not help with attachment issues that the child already has!

[BabyPiNK_FL]

How sad for everyone. It's obvious that this family was terrified by whatever behavior was going on that they were past caring. I wish they had acted through the proper authorities sooner.

[CougarGrad]

A woman in my Panhellenic group just told me on Wed. evening that she and her husband are supposed to find out any day now when they will be able to go pick up their 2-year-old adoptive son from Russia. The agency they're using is the same agency Hansen used- and that agency's license has been suspended pending further investigation by Russian authorities. I'm sure this means that they won't be able to pick up their son anytime soon, and that's just awful.

[DaemonSeid]

Dang...this is sad and worse yet starting to sound like a "Don't Adopt from Russia" case.

Which brings up the question: Why aren't we adopting kids in the US?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Dang...this is sad and worse yet starting to sound like a "Don't Adopt from Russia" case.

Which brings up the question: Why aren't we adopting kids in the US?

Because people want their kids to be at least one or preferably both of these things:
1. White
2. Babies

Not to mention if the kid's mom is from somewhere in Russia there's not a whole heck of a big chance that she'll show up somewhere down the line. I think with the new era of open adoptions this is a bigger worry for adoptive parents than it used to be. I am NOT against open adoption at all, and I think all adoptees should be able to see their records at least for medical purposes, but I can totally see where if you've been through all the IVFs and other disappointments, you don't want to worry about birth mom from 2 states over showing up. Even if you do an old-fashioned closed adoption, I think some of the uneasiness still applies.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Because people want their kids to be at least one or preferably both of these things:
1. White
2. Babies

Not to mention if the kid's mom is from somewhere in Russia there's not a whole heck of a big chance that she'll show up somewhere down the line. I think with the new era of open adoptions this is a bigger worry for adoptive parents than it used to be. I am NOT against open adoption at all, and I think all adoptees should be able to see their records at least for medical purposes, but I can totally see where if you've been through all the IVFs and other disappointments, you don't want to worry about birth mom from 2 states over showing up. Even if you do an old-fashioned closed adoption, I think some of the uneasiness still applies.

One of my best friends adopted a child from Romania, after being told that in California, the definition of a healthy white baby was one who was "only" addicted to crack.

They signed the papers to adopt two sisters, born 11 months apart. They had all of the US paperwork done when they landed in Romania - where they discovered that four other American couples had also adopted these sisters! But not to worry, none of them could adopt the sisters anyhow, as they had found their mother. Can we say bait and switch? So, each couple adopted another Romanian baby. None of these babies had ever had anything to eat but orange juice or cold milk, and lived in cribs with gated tops - even the one my friends adopted, who was two and a half.

Fast forward eight years, when I was visiting. This absolutely beautiful child was found to be so developmentally challenged that she will never be capable of living alone. Those first few years are so important, and they were basically thrown away. She now bags groceries.

[BabyPiNK_FL]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Because people want their kids to be at least one or preferably both of these things:
1. White
2. Babies

So sad...so true. Adopitng a child from the U.S. has been on my heart a long time. When I'm in the position the do so it will be one of the first things I look into to see if it is realistic for me. I wish others would look into stepping up to the challenge as well. White babies aren't the only type of children that need love. Everyone does!

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by BabyPiNK_FL

So sad...so true. Adopitng a child from the U.S. has been on my heart a long time. When I'm in the position the do so it will be one of the first things I look into to see if it is realistic for me. I wish others would look into stepping up to the challenge as well. White babies aren't the only type of children that need love. Everyone does!

While I totally agree with what 33girl said, there is also an ugly other side. There is also a big backlash against white couples adopting black children. Many AA feel that white parents will rob them of their black heritage, of course, I see their point, but at what cost will preserving their heritage rob them of a family?

[BabyPiNK_FL]

^^ Whomever will give them loving homes regardless of race is fine with me personally. Race can become a big issue for the children as they grow, but not enough of a problem that I would be opposed to black-interracial adoptions. I just think that the parents should be understanding and willing to do what is necessary to help the child remain aware of issues it will face as a minority in the U.S. because unfortunately to be black is to be "other" at least some of the time. Also, if you adopt a black daughter, you simply must get schooled on the hair situation, it can get really sensitive. There is a wonderful article/video about a white man who learned to comb his daughter's hair (she is from Africa), he's better at it than my MOM! He can do zig zag corn rows, everything! And her hair is done regularly!

I often wonder about all of the children adopted from Asia and how this may be an issue for them. I only see articles regarding black children so I don't know anything other than the glimpses I may get from Carnation on here from time to time. From what I can guess it doesn't appear to be as much of an issue, but that's just a hunch since I don't experience anything addressing it. I also get a glimpse of interracial adoption from a friend who was adopted into a white family from Latin America, but she deals with it very well in my opinion, although she deals with it rather frequently.

ETA: Thank you for sharing Carnation. I believe what you have experienced to be true for most. Most children in interractial adoptions for lack of a better word "assimilate" very well into their families and communities.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Because people want their kids to be at least one or preferably both of these things:
1. White
2. Babies

Not to mention if the kid's mom is from somewhere in Russia there's not a whole heck of a big chance that she'll show up somewhere down the line. I think with the new era of open adoptions this is a bigger worry for adoptive parents than it used to be. I am NOT against open adoption at all, and I think all adoptees should be able to see their records at least for medical purposes, but I can totally see where if you've been through all the IVFs and other disappointments, you don't want to worry about birth mom from 2 states over showing up. Even if you do an old-fashioned closed adoption, I think some of the uneasiness still applies.

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

While I totally agree with what 33girl said, there is also an ugly other side. There is also a big backlash against white couples adopting black children. Many AA feel that white parents will rob them of their black heritage, of course, I see their point, but at what cost will preserving their heritage rob them of a family?

My best friend and her husband, and my future sister in law and her husband, have been trying to adopt in the U.S. for more than two years. Both couples went through all of the classes mandated by their adoption agencies, home visits and everything. And they have waited, and waited, and waited and waited for their profile to be chosen by some mom giving up her baby or young child. They have NOT limited their search to only white children or only babies. They both even went through the steps to be certified as foster homes because they're open to adopting kids that way. Nevertheless, they have not been selected by any mothers, and only one of them has even fostered a couple of kids, and that was only for a few days.

What AOII Angel said is true. My friends and future sister/brother in law have not been chosen, according to the adoption agencies, probably because they are white couples and the childen so frequently being given up for adoption or who are new to foster care are minorities. Both couples have wonderful families, are college educated, employed and would offer a very stable home, so it's not like they're ill-fit to adopt. The prejudice that they're facing is that they aren't the same race as the child and they speculate that it is even possible that they are being discriminated against because they are too...successful. So for couples who DO want to adopt in this country, it is much harder than what media, government and nonprofits would have you believe.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

While I totally agree with what 33girl said, there is also an ugly other side. There is also a big backlash against white couples adopting black children. Many AA feel that white parents will rob them of their black heritage, of course, I see their point, but at what cost will preserving their heritage rob them of a family?

I don't understand this because it seems to me, especially for minority children adopted from another country, the adoptive parents have spent so much time and money researching and preparing that I find it unlikely they'd ignore their child's cultural heritage.

[deepimpact2]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

While I totally agree with what 33girl said, there is also an ugly other side. There is also a big backlash against white couples adopting black children. Many AA feel that white parents will rob them of their black heritage, of course, I see their point, but at what cost will preserving their heritage rob them of a family?

The thing is people seem to forget that there are many Black families out there that wish to adopt.

And also, while agencies will often let white couples adopt Black children, it is rare that they allow Black families to adopt White children.
I personally don't much care for white couples adopting Black children because I do feel that there are culture issues. But I feel that way in general. Prime example was one of my former students who was Navajo. She was adopted by a white woman when she was 3. She is now 19 and she knows absolutely NOTHING about Navajo traditions and culture. NOTHING. It broke my heart to see that because I felt that while she got a good home, she was still being robbed of the opportunity to explore her heritage. Her mother's excuse was that she didn't know anything about the Navajo culture and so she figured that the child would just be okay without knowing it.