9 Charged after girl kills herself over bullying

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Back in graduate school, I had a conversation with one of my friends about this very topic. She had gone to some conference about how parenting shifted somewhere around the early to mid 80s. It used to be that people just had kids. They had them when they were young, without really really trying and if they couldn't have kids, they adopted (back when it was easy to do so) or they just didn't have kids.

Around the early 80s, it was a much bigger deal to have kids, for middle class families at least. For the first time, mainstream folks timed their careers around the best time to start a family. If it wasn't very easy, they spent thousands of dollars on difficult adoptions or reproductive technologies. Even if it was easy to have a kid, the safety of that baby became the center of their lives. This was around the time that "crib death," something that a lot of women experienced before, got the name SIDS. Remember the "Baby on Board" signs? Car seats weren't standard until around that time. In other words, people became so proud of their investment and creation that the kid could do no wrong.

I was born in '86 and have younger siblings, but we were raised pretty old school. Don't get me wrong, my mom was all about car seats, cute baby outfits, and sterilizing everything (at least until around the time of the last kid), but my parents were never under the impression we can do no wrong. I got away with a few things here and there but not much, and when I got caught I got CAUGHT. I wasn't willing to drink in high school even when my friends started to because I weighed "buzz" with "punishment" and wasn't willing to risk it.

I've got younger friends who have gotten arrested multiple times with no reaction from their parents. Their parents have helped them get out of these situations with not only no consequences at home but none legally, either. And it still floors me. If it were me and my parents...well my dad told me a long time ago that if I were in jail for a night and thought about calling him...don't bother.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

I know that. My point was that my generation (ha!) never would have never gone after authority figures. We may have fought fellow students, but never an adult.

Fear of mom and dad having to leave work to come pick me up from school kept me from doing it, and most of my friend's were the same way.

ETA: prettyface08 beat me to it

I was diagnosed with some kind of authority disorder when I was a little bitty...I don't think I had an actual disorder but my issue with being told what to do was bad enough to register with a therapist. And I STILL never once talked back to a teacher/adult authority figure. My parents would have killed me dead. No way in hell would I have said "boo" to a teacher, much less physically attacked them. I don't get why that happens so often these days.

I grew out of my 'tude, and learned the right way to do it. My mom explained that if a teacher is really being rude to me to find a way to nicely ask if I've done something wrong. I tried that one time and it turned out the teacher told me they thought I was unresponsive and rude in class because I never showed interest and always looked angry (I was really just sleepy). So I apologized and started paying more attention instead of doodling, and the problem was solved. If a teacher was grading me unfairly she advised me to take the assignment to them and discuss it with them every time. The only time this didn't work I had to go to the dean. And if nothing works, chalk it up to a sucky teacher. In high school you have them for a year, in college for a semester. Not for life. These are all ways to solve situations without being rude, obnoxious, or aggressive. And they're so EASY to do.

Originally Posted by deepimpact2

I just think it is absurd that you would cause that much disruption over a situation like that. Not only are you allowing your child to be bullied by other kids, but you are allowing YOURSELF to be bullied by those kids as well. And it is a sad day when adults let kids bully THEM.

So when you've tried every route and your kid is still being tortured every day, you'll stick it out because you don't want to be inconvenienced? Are you going to go kick a 12 year old's ass?

As my mom used to tell me, "That's cutting off your nose to spite your face". Even worse, it's at your child's expense.

[deepimpact2]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I
So when you've tried every route and your kid is still being tortured every day, you'll stick it out because you don't want to be inconvenienced? Are you going to go kick a 12 year old's ass?

As my mom used to tell me, "That's cutting off your nose to spite your face". Even worse, it's at your child's expense.

To sit here and imply that I said it was a matter of being inconvenienced is ridiculous. It goes deeper than that. Changing schools is not that simple. And you have a right to demand and receive adequate protection for your child at school. There are so many avenues to pursue to get the situation taken care of. But I can see there is no point in discussing that because people just want to continue to make lame excuses.

As long as people have attitudes of simply letting the bullies have their way, it will continue.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by deepimpact2

To sit here and imply that I said it was a matter of being inconvenienced is ridiculous. It goes deeper than that. Changing schools is not that simple. And you have a right to demand and receive adequate protection for your child at school. There are so many avenues to pursue to get the situation taken care of. But I can see there is no point in discussing that because people just want to continue to make lame excuses.

As long as people have attitudes of simply letting the bullies have their way, it will continue.

As long as people have attitudes of simply letting the bullied suffer, it will continue.

Not every family is able to send their child to a different school. But some are. And it really doesn't matter what rights you have if you can't get them. I hope no parent would let their child suffer for years because they think it's more important to "fight the good fight" than to protect them. As I've said repeatedly, this is of course a last resort. But if talking to the teacher, principal, board of education, bully's parents, and even bully doesn't work...and sometimes it doesn't...then parents should, if they're able, be prepared to protect their child. You can not guarantee that you'll get your way. Sometimes it's more important to let go of pride for the good of those you love than to save face.