Preparing for recruitment since birth

[TriDeltaSallie]

Originally Posted by Low C Sharp

I might add that Mary Sue IS drilled and coached on the skills and rules that will serve her in recruitment...but from age 3 to age 15, not as a high school senior. No one is born knowing that you don't wear white shoes after Labor Day. Mary Sue's mama made sure she knew about that. School-aged Mary Sue went to dancing class and tea parties and cotillions where she had a chance to practice her social graces (and mama had a chance to whip her into shape if she made any mistakes). She IS groomed from birth, but for the life of the social elite in Anytown, not for rush per se.

So what happens if Mary Sue meets a future big shot who is from Othertown (not Anytown) and in Othertown, ABC is not "the" group but LMN is. How is Mary Sue received by the social elites in Othertown if she isn't a part of one of their perceived top groups?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

So what happens if Mary Sue meets a future big shot who is from Othertown (not Anytown) and in Othertown, ABC is not "the" group but LMN is. How is Mary Sue received by the social elites in Othertown if she isn't a part of one of their perceived top groups?

But silly, she and hubby DON'T leave Anytown (usually).

[TriDeltaSallie]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

But silly, she and hubby DON'T leave Anytown (usually).

Do you mean that as in future big shot from Othertown would have to move to Anytown because that is where his wife is from? Or do people seriously restrict their spouse selection to their hometown friends?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

Do you mean that as in future big shot from Othertown would have to move to Anytown because that is where his wife is from? Or do people seriously restrict their spouse selection to their hometown friends?

In some circles, it generally works like this:

Anytown ABC mixes most with Anytown DEF Fraternity. Mary Sue (as an ABC woman) spends most of her time with these men (many of whom she already knows from HS, the neighborhood, etc). She naturally dates and marries an Anytown DEF. He gets a job in Anytown and they stay there.

[exlurker]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

Do you mean that as in future big shot from Othertown would have to move to Anytown because that is where his wife is from? Or do people seriously restrict their spouse selection to their hometown friends?

Eh, IF wife and husband are from simiar social circles -- and here we seem to be talking mainly about the South, and, frankly, the Old Money, Fine Old Family portion of the upper middle / upper class -- similar social circles in Otherville WILL know what the "top" and the "acceptable" GLOs are at a variety of campuses. That is, they'll know, even if most of them are XYZs from U of Whatsis, that DEF is "top" or "good" at Dixie-Davis U. (And they'll know the "rank" of XYZ at Dixie-Davis, too.)

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by Low C Sharp

I might add that Mary Sue IS drilled and coached on the skills and rules that will serve her in recruitment...but from age 3 to age 15, not as a high school senior. No one is born knowing that you don't wear white shoes after Labor Day. Mary Sue's mama made sure she knew about that. School-aged Mary Sue went to dancing class and tea parties and cotillions where she had a chance to practice her social graces (and mama had a chance to whip her into shape if she made any mistakes). She IS groomed from birth, but for the life of the social elite in Anytown, not for rush per se.

The first few pages of a novel about Mary Sue, which Mary Sue wrote in her 50s and which you can read on Amazon, explain the process in detail:

http://www.amazon.com/Heartbreak-Hot...der_1416544909

I've read it. Good book. The campus is suppose to be Auburn in the 1950s. However, the sorority women live in houses so I am sure it is a composite of various Southern campuses and Greek Life.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Low C Sharp

The first few pages of a novel about Mary Sue, which Mary Sue wrote in her 50s and which you can read on Amazon, explain the process in detail:

http://www.amazon.com/Heartbreak-Hot...der_1416544909

Unfortunately, the casting of Ally Sheedy as said Mary Sue in the movie completely defeated the point. They needed to wait till Reese Witherspoon was old enough to play the part.

I was going to say that I think a lot of this is like families who always sent their sons to Groton & Harvard (and who then joined Porcellian while they were there) but I honestly think those places have become more de-homogenized than the institutions we're talking about. I could be wrong.

[Low C Sharp]

Could you give some examples of how moving to the "top tier" would change life for Mary Sue?

I can't speak for all those moms who focus on the "right" school and "right" camp, but my guess is that at the end of the day, as an ABC, Mary Sue will mix with the top fraternities. So she'll hopefully meet/date/marry the son of a big shot, who'll grow into a big shot himself and keep her in the right house, neighborhood, clothes, and clubs for life.
________

[thetygerlily]

This is all fascinating. I come from a non-Greek family and went to a non-competitive school in the midwest. We got one rec letter the entire time I was there (not quite a legacy but had a Kappa aunt) and the entire chapter was excited about it. Definitely minimal grooming at our school, intentional or otherwise.

The only person I know who was "groomed" was my former coworker. She was "strongly encouraged" by her adoptive mother to go Greek and wound up in her mother's house. She didn't hate the experience, but didn't get as much out of it as she could've. She just didn't care much about it, and still doesn't. Of course this is a much less competitive area with minimal grooming for most.

Although it would've been nice to have SOME insight into what the Greek system was (besides the media) before going into it, I'm glad I wasn't groomed for ABC or XYZ. There's enough pressure just trying to find the right one for you, let alone finding the right one for you and making sure it is ABC to live up to your/your family's unspoken(?) expectations. Not to mention to make sure that you get in, especially if there are more legacies than open spots. But I suppose sometimes it is what you make of it- so if you grow up knowing innately that you will be ABC and you will love ABC, you are more likely love it no matter what. Attitude is everything, isn't it?

[Elephant Walk]

I will give a fraternity based example of a chapter who is now long gone (R.I.P)

Phi Delt at the UA tended to pledge alot of Highland Park, Dallas guys. Now, Highland Park guys are in demand because thats a very rich, monied part of Dallas with alot of stellar guys. Along with Southeast Arkansas guys, Highland Park guys tend to have their picks of whoever they want during recruitment. Except they chose Phi Delt, who is higher socially but not as high as EX, KE, and SAE.

Why, you may ask.

Because Phi Delt is very good at Southern Methodist University in Highlanad Park, Dallas. Probably the best, last time I checked. So, they chose the brand-name recognition that their families and friends all knew and connected with one one of the best.


(I think this has to do with the situation but it may not.)

[KD4Me]

Originally Posted by Elephant Walk

I will give a fraternity based example of a chapter who is now long gone (R.I.P)

Phi Delt at the UA tended to pledge alot of Highland Park, Dallas guys. Now, Highland Park guys are in demand because thats a very rich, monied part of Dallas with alot of stellar guys. Along with Southeast Arkansas guys, Highland Park guys tend to have their picks of whoever they want during recruitment. Except they chose Phi Delt, who is higher socially but not as high as EX, KE, and SAE.

Why, you may ask.

Because Phi Delt is very good at Southern Methodist University in Highlanad Park, Dallas. Probably the best, last time I checked. So, they chose the brand-name recognition that their families and friends all knew and connected with one one of the best.


(I think this has to do with the situation but it may not.)

This is true of present-day sororities, too.

[Titchou]

You know, it is just so blamed difficult to explain all this to a non-southerner since we grew up with it. Some things you just "know"...and I don't mean to sound snobby here...it's just reality. Southerners are just more "connected" I think...

[TriDeltaSallie]

Originally Posted by Titchou

You know, it is just so blamed difficult to explain all this to a non-southerner since we grew up with it. Some things you just "know"...and I don't mean to sound snobby here...it's just reality. Southerners are just more "connected" I think...

And as a non-southerner I feel both that it is really cool and really sad. The part of me that values family, tradition and community thinks it is an incredibly special blessing to be so connected to them. And there is another part of me that just finds it sad that someone's whole life is basically planned out for them before birth.

I truly don't mean that as a slam. But for someone outside of the south, it really is both fascinating and hard to comprehend. It's hard to imagine going to school and camp and college and socializing with the same group of people my entire life. I think of college as a time to meet new people and explore new opportunities. To have life so mapped out at such a young age just seems to somehow miss some of the joy of the unexpected and new. I think the part of me that likes new challenges and opportunities to explore would find the structure to be incredibly confining.

Again, I mean no disrespect to anyone reading this. It is just a completely different way of looking at life that I find truly fascinating.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

I truly don't mean that as a slam. But for someone outside of the south, it really is both fascinating and hard to comprehend. It's hard to imagine going to school and camp and college and socializing with the same group of people my entire life. I think of college as a time to meet new people and explore new opportunities. To have life so mapped out at such a young age just seems to somehow miss some of the joy of the unexpected and new. I think the part of me that likes new challenges and opportunities to explore would find the structure to be incredibly confining.

Again, I mean no disrespect to anyone reading this. It is just a completely different way of looking at life that I find truly fascinating.

You don't really think about it. It just is. Just like the way you grew up. It's not something you thought about. It was just the way things were.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

But for someone outside of the south, it really is both fascinating and hard to comprehend. It's hard to imagine going to school and camp and college and socializing with the same group of people my entire life. I think of college as a time to meet new people and explore new opportunities. To have life so mapped out at such a young age just seems to somehow miss some of the joy of the unexpected and new. I think the part of me that likes new challenges and opportunities to explore would find the structure to be incredibly confining.

As others have said, this is hardly a Southern only thing. I'm from a very small town that is anything but Southern, and I saw things like this growing up, with my eyes being more opened when I got to college. We had a Christmas cotillion where women were "presented" the Christmas after their HS graduation. For a lot of people, college wasn't a chance for new opportunities or friends. It was someplace to go to get your degree and get out so you could come back to town. marry your HS sweetheart who you've stayed with all through college, and have a more white collar job, usually teaching in the school you graduated from or lawyering in your dad's firm. This is shown by the amount of people who transferred from Pitt main to the BRANCH of Pitt that was closer to town, so they could come home every weekend or even commute. (You usually do it the other way around.)

The staying close to your family part is nice, and it's nice to be around people you've known all your life and be able to go to the lawyer, doctor etc and not think twice about trusting them. However, it comes with a price. People think they're entitled to know all the facts of your life and don't understand how this could be offensive. If you do anything outside the pale, it's going to get talked about and not in a very discreet manner.

So anyway...it's not just a Southern thing.