Recession Proof Dating? Is there such a thing?

[agzg]

I hope that by the time live-in and I get married we'll have been living together for so long that we can quickly transition out of the newlywed phase because I have a feeling behaving like some of our newlywed couple friends would make me barf on a daily basis.

OMG did I just use barf in 2009? RIGHT ON!

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

I hope that by the time live-in and I get married we'll have been living together for so long that we can quickly transition out of the newlywed phase because I have a feeling behaving like some of our newlywed couple friends would make me barf on a daily basis.

OMG did I just use barf in 2009? RIGHT ON!

Take that to the Back in the Day thread....LOL

[agzg]

Maybe I do. I suppose if live-in and I are leaving both thinking "I never want to act like them" we need to stop hanging out with them, lol.

Probably even worse than giving us their whole dating history is giving us their whole dating history when one of us was THERE for it. "Oh you mean you had a fight during your senior year of college? Yeah you know your wife wanted to break up with you so she slept with another guy after that fight?" I would never say that but MAN I wish I could without getting slapped.

Or "we don't feel like we've changed since getting married." ("Yes, yes you have. Now you're really annoying.") "So when are you guys going to take the plunge?" (Never if we end up like you assholes.")

Wow... I never realized I had so much animosity toward my married friends.

Geez - GreekChat is going to ruin all my friendships because I realize I can't stand them!

[nikki1920]

Hopefully, one isn't dating someone because of their JOB.

I can have a good time on the dollar menu or $5 foot longs, but that is me.

quit trying to stir up shyte!!

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by nikki1920

Hopefully, one isn't dating someone because of their JOB.

I can have a good time on the dollar menu or $5 foot longs, but that is me.

quit trying to stir up shyte!!

LOL


and not everyone is you, m' sweet !!!

and no...you know how I roll

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by nikki1920

Hopefully, one isn't dating someone because of their JOB.

I can have a good time on the dollar menu or $5 foot longs, but that is me.

quit trying to stir up shyte!!

nikki you and I are >>>>>>>>>>>here<<<<<<<<<<<<<

[MTSUGURL]

My boyfriend and I had been dating for about 4 months when he lost his job. (We've known each other for 20 years and had dated for 5 months a little over a year ago, but that's a story for another day.) For a while we didn't go out. At all. We would cook dinner at one of our homes, but that was it. He became pretty depressed for a few weeks, so leaving the house just didn't happen. After a few weeks we started doing things like going to the park on warmer days (here in Tennessee it gets up to 70 one day in January, then the next is 35 degrees.) I finally just said, "Look, you've spent lots of money on me over the past few years, you need to let me do some nice things for you too. I need for us to go out some." So he's finally started letting me pick up the check sometimes whether it's dinner, going to a movie, or going to see a show. We don't go out much at all because he still feels strongly that he should be picking up the bill, but we go out as often as we can without him feeling like he's "doing his job to take care of me." (His words.) I figure, I'm not dating him because I want someone to spend money on me. I'm dating him first because I liked him, then because I'm in love with the guy and want to spend time with him, and now because we care deeply for each other and see a future together.

We're talking about getting married, and the way I see it at this point we're not just dating for the heck of it, so we can practice taking care of each other now. I appreciate it when he spends money on me, but it's not necessary and I think it's only fair that he allows me to do nice things for him as well.

Some back story - I spent a couple of years looking for a full time job and juggling three part time jobs. I still was barely able to make ends meet. During this time, he took me out all the time, cooked for me, etc. There are no tabs kept, and I don't feel like I have to "repay" him, but I do think that it's unfair for a man to have to dish out all the money after you've established that you're heading for marriage, and I think it's selfish for women to expect them to when the man is experiencing financial hardship.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by MTSUGURL

My boyfriend and I had been dating for about 4 months when he lost his job. (We've known each other for 20 years and had dated for 5 months a little over a year ago, but that's a story for another day.) For a while we didn't go out. At all. We would cook dinner at one of our homes, but that was it. He became pretty depressed for a few weeks, so leaving the house just didn't happen. After a few weeks we started doing things like going to the park on warmer days (here in Tennessee it gets up to 70 one day in January, then the next is 35 degrees.) I finally just said, "Look, you've spent lots of money on me over the past few years, you need to let me do some nice things for you too. I need for us to go out some." So he's finally started letting me pick up the check sometimes whether it's dinner, going to a movie, or going to see a show. We don't go out much at all because he still feels strongly that he should be picking up the bill, but we go out as often as we can without him feeling like he's "doing his job to take care of me." (His words.) I figure, I'm not dating him because I want someone to spend money on me. I'm dating him first because I liked him, then because I'm in love with the guy and want to spend time with him, and now because we care deeply for each other and see a future together.

We're talking about getting married, and the way I see it at this point we're not just dating for the heck of it, so we can practice taking care of each other now. I appreciate it when he spends money on me, but it's not necessary and I think it's only fair that he allows me to do nice things for him as well.

Some back story - I spent a couple of years looking for a full time job and juggling three part time jobs. I still was barely able to make ends meet. During this time, he took me out all the time, cooked for me, etc. There are no tabs kept, and I don't feel like I have to "repay" him, but I do think that it's unfair for a man to have to dish out all the money after you've established that you're heading for marriage, and I think it's selfish for women to expect them to when the man is experiencing financial hardship.

That is a realistic story and I appreciate it very much.

That 'male pride' thing sometimes really gets in the way of us men having a good relationship.

He is really thankful for having an understanding person how doesn't mind picking up some of the load and sharing.

[agzg]

I feel like such a horrible person for hating all my married friends now.

I don't hate them. I just don't like going out with them.

The only married couple I like hanging out with is my brother and his wife. And mostly because they're pretty much the same as they were before getting married. They're having a baby this summer. I wonder if I'll like talking about my niece or nephew more than I like talking about other people's kids. I have a feeling I will.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

I wonder if I'll like talking about my niece or nephew more than I like talking about other people's kids. I have a feeling I will.

I do.

I can't imagine that I'll love my own children as much as I love my niece and nephew, but everyone says I will.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

- How has your dating habits changed since the recession kicked in? Do you go out as much as you used to? Do you spend as much as you used to?

- Ladies: How do you deal with a man you may have been dating for a while (6 MONTHS OR MORE) who just recently lost his job due to recession? Has it out a strain on your relationship? What about someone you jusat recently met? Do you also frown upon a man taking you out on a 'cheap date'?

- Are there some activities that you avoid doing or can't do because of money situation?

- How has the economy helped you creatively express your feelings for someone that you have been seeing?
Also, did it affect your Valentine's day and if so how?

DS, you do date your spouse when you marry... That is what keeps it exciting...

I lost my job in late 2008. It impacted our relationship severely. Now I am retooling and redirecting my efforts to a new kind of career dependent on me, my successes and my failures.

My husband has stepped up. I am not trying to go to the mall and buy the latest fashions. I am not about running up major credit card bills in the $5K range+. That is not my M.O. And I could take on a position, but I really would dislike it and I would have to relocate to another city...

Creative dating methods could include developing a "career portfolio" for the desired career. Dressing the role, while not buying... In fact some places when they see you trying to improve your situation might help--like suit rental. A one page business plan development. Speed interviewing, like speed dating, but for an interview... If there is emotional issues, if it is a man, he needs assistance--such as a coach to be motivated and become accountable...

That is if you want to follow all the laws...

[nikki1920]

*is now scared to get married*

lol

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by nikki1920

*is now scared to get married*

lol

I'm married. Have been for 3 years. It doesn't suck.

I'm currently a legal intern in a law practice which among other things, handles divorces. For those folks, marriage is a curse and divorce is a blessing. They often go on to have great second marriages.

Don't be scared, just exercise good judgment.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by nikki1920

*is now scared to get married*

lol

Some of us just aren't cut out to be married and, unfortunately, we don't find that out until we've tried it... sometimes twice..lol. I couldn't stand being married. I couldn't stand having to consult somebody else before I spent money. I couldn't stand cleaning up after someone else or not being able to find things because they weren't put away in the right place. I couldn't stand having to share my space or being woken up in the middle of the night because I was breathing too loud and keeping him awake. I hate whiskers in the sink. I hate cleaning up after people who should be totally capable of doing it themselves but never do. There was absolutely no benefit to being married for me in either of my former marriages. None, zip, zero, zilch. Both husbands personalities changed completely once we had that slip of paper. There's no way I'd do that again.

That said, back to the original topic. Right now, for me, someone who is unemployed is a deal breaker for a couple reasons. One, I date to go out and have fun and I'm finding that these unemployed guys aren't quite in a "fun" state of mind. Two, the unemployed guys have way too much time on their hands and want to hang out more than I have time for. They tend to want to get together too often. If you want to date me, you get no more than every other Saturday. That's when I have time for you, so don't push for more, thanks.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Some of us just aren't cut out to be married and, unfortunately, we don't find that out until we've tried it... sometimes twice..lol. I couldn't stand being married. I couldn't stand having to consult somebody else before I spent money. I couldn't stand cleaning up after someone else or not being able to find things because they weren't put away in the right place. I couldn't stand having to share my space or being woken up in the middle of the night because I was breathing too loud and keeping him awake. I hate whiskers in the sink. I hate cleaning up after people who should be totally capable of doing it themselves but never do. There was absolutely no benefit to being married for me in either of my former marriages. None, zip, zero, zilch. Both husbands personalities changed completely once we had that slip of paper. There's no way I'd do that again.

o.k. guys this post just scared the crap out of me.