Legacy

chioalum · #1 08-11-2008, 09:26 PM

M ydaughter is participating in recruitment at Southern School this week. I advised her to go with her heart and never pushed for my beloved Chi O. I have been activley involved for over 20 years as an ARIC advisor for our community. I have also assited the chapters in the state with recruitment. She was asked back to Chi O on four occasions and it actually ended up being her favorite. At each party the president made a point to speak with her. Today she called crying as she only attended one pref party and it wasn't Chi O and it wsn't one of her top choices. I cannot tell you how much I hurt for her, but I advised her to go with the group she attended and it will be the best fit for her. It's so hard for me to comprehend she wouldn't get a pref invite after all of the positive statements made to her, but it is ws it is. It just hurts that I have given so much time to this beautiful group and now she won't be able to share in the joy Chi O has brought to me.

AOII Angel · #2 08-11-2008, 10:11 PM

I know that I'm not one of your sisters, but I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I'm sure your daughter is hurting, but you did the right thing telling her to give the group that pref'd her a chance. Chi O has obviously been a great fit for you, but maybe the chapter of Chi O at your daughter's school had a hard decision to make. We all know about the numerous Chi O legacies going to southern schools. I don't envy the choices that your collegiate sisters must make. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that your daughter finds her own home and you both are able to move beyond this moment.

chioalum · #3 08-12-2008, 01:24 PM

Thanks for your kind reply.

NutBrnHair · #4 08-13-2008, 12:54 PM

chioalum, I see on the USM thread that your daughter joined ADPi. Some of us come from Panhellenic families and that's fun too. I hope that she will have a fullfilling experience as a new member of ADPi -- they certainly are an outstanding group.

It always makes me sad when legacies are released -- ESPECIALLY when their mothers are as involved as you are. I hope you will continue your involvement with Chi Omega AND be a proud ADPi Mom!

chioalum · #5 08-18-2008, 08:01 PM

Thanks for your nice reply. I am a proud ADPI mom and would never give up my committment to Chi O. She is excited and ready to start her pledge process.

chioalum · #6 09-06-2008, 12:37 PM

My daughter has decided not to continue with her pledgeship. It was a difficult decison for her but probably the best one. I encouraged her to give it a try and she has for three weeks. The other groups on campus have been very acitve with their pledges and she has seen none of that with her group. She has not felt welcome at all when she enters the house and has felt no bond to her current pledges. She felt that this was a lifelong committment that she could not honor. She has many wonderful friends in other groups and I know she will be fine with or without sorority life. She has made every attempt to acclimate herself to her new home but it just isn't a good fit for her.She even volunteered for two committees. Although the school requires that she wait a year to pledge another group, I advised her that this might never be possible as they may look unfavorably on her depledging. Also, the advisor for greek life stated she could receive a bid for spring semester based on the fact that she originally tried to withdraw from recruitment and was not allowed? Never heard of this before. She has actually become friends with a lot of the Chi O and Pi Beta Phi girls and I think this has also influenced her decison to leave. She felt so at home with these girls. They have also indicated to her on several occasions that she would be offered a bid in the spring and that they had made a mistake in not offering her a bid to begin with. Just a little update, any advice would be appreciated. I have never been in this situation before and just hope I have advised her to do the right thing. Thank goodness I have three years before the next daughter leaves for college.

5Knowledge1913 · #7 09-06-2008, 01:35 PM

Is it possible for your daughter to try again to be selected to Chi Omega?

I would encourage her to do so if Chi Omega is truly the organization that she wants to join. There is no point in her putting her time, effort and money into an organization that she is not going to be dedicated to.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chioalum

My daughter has decided not to continue with her pledgeship. It was a difficult decison for her but probably the best one. I encouraged her to give it a try and she has for three weeks. The other groups on campus have been very acitve with their pledges and she has seen none of that with her group. She has not felt welcome at all when she enters the house and has felt no bond to her current pledges. She felt that this was a lifelong committment that she could not honor. She has many wonderful friends in other groups and I know she will be fine with or without sorority life. She has made every attempt to acclimate herself to her new home but it just isn't a good fit for her.She even volunteered for two committees. Although the school requires that she wait a year to pledge another group, I advised her that this might never be possible as they may look unfavorably on her depledging. Also, the advisor for greek life stated she could receive a bid for spring semester based on the fact that she originally tried to withdraw from recruitment and was not allowed? Never heard of this before. She has actually become friends with a lot of the Chi O and Pi Beta Phi girls and I think this has also influenced her decison to leave. She felt so at home with these girls. They have also indicated to her on several occasions that she would be offered a bid in the spring and that they had made a mistake in not offering her a bid to begin with. Just a little update, any advice would be appreciated. I have never been in this situation before and just hope I have advised her to do the right thing. Thank goodness I have three years before the next daughter leaves for college.

chioalum · #8 09-06-2008, 07:34 PM

I am not sure of the process so she is unsure is she will able to join any other sorority until next year. She is really concentrating on her grades at this point and that is the main purpose for attending college. We'll just have to wait and see. Hey, I'm a Juinor League member too, Junior League of Norfolk/Virginia Beach.

33girl · #9 09-07-2008, 11:59 PM

First off to 5Kknowledge1913 - NPC rush isn't like NPHC rush where you research the groups, find the one you want, and keep trying to get into it. There are total and quota issues involved.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chioalum

My daughter has decided not to continue with her pledgeship. It was a difficult decison for her but probably the best one. I encouraged her to give it a try and she has for three weeks. The other groups on campus have been very acitve with their pledges and she has seen none of that with her group. She has not felt welcome at all when she enters the house and has felt no bond to her current pledges. She felt that this was a lifelong committment that she could not honor. She has many wonderful friends in other groups and I know she will be fine with or without sorority life. She has made every attempt to acclimate herself to her new home but it just isn't a good fit for her.She even volunteered for two committees. Although the school requires that she wait a year to pledge another group, I advised her that this might never be possible as they may look unfavorably on her depledging. Also, the advisor for greek life stated she could receive a bid for spring semester based on the fact that she originally tried to withdraw from recruitment and was not allowed? Never heard of this before. She has actually become friends with a lot of the Chi O and Pi Beta Phi girls and I think this has also influenced her decison to leave. She felt so at home with these girls. They have also indicated to her on several occasions that she would be offered a bid in the spring and that they had made a mistake in not offering her a bid to begin with. Just a little update, any advice would be appreciated. I have never been in this situation before and just hope I have advised her to do the right thing. Thank goodness I have three years before the next daughter leaves for college.

1. I don't know if it was you or your daughter that spoke to the Greek advisor, but I believe what s/he said was misinterpreted. Once you sign a bid to a sorority, you are bound to that sorority for a calendar year. The only way this can be null and void is if the student transfers to another school or if the chapter closes while she is still in the midst of her pledgeship.

2. This may also be influencing the fact that she doesn't feel welcome in the sorority she did join - if one of our pledges had been spending lots of time with women in other sororities during her pledgeship, I would be very offended and so would her fellow pledges. No offense, but it sounds that even though your daughter did join committees and such, she didn't really try to get to KNOW the women in the group she joined.

3. As I said before, she cannot take ANY bid in the spring. More to the point, if the other groups are saying this to her, it is dirty rush and very unpanhellenic. If they are at total in the spring, they CANNOT offer anyone a bid, and in the fall - there will be a new crop of freshmen and their "promise" may be forgotten. I would caution her against getting involved with a group who would do such a thing - it's just underhanded behavior and real classy ladies do not do it. It may be ignorance on the part of the girls who said this to her, but ignorance is not an excuse.

Has she received a big sister or any sort of sponsor in her new sorority? Encourage her to talk to her or to her pledgemistress before she leaves.

luvgoldens24 · #10 09-09-2008, 03:12 AM

Chioalum, your mature attitude is commendable. I'm sorry things didn't work out for your daughter as you would have liked. (I recently experienced rush with my daughter also, and things don't always turn out like we plan.) It's hard when your daughter is hurting, and you still want to make it better for them. I just wanted to say I was impressed with your response to your daughter not getting a bid.

NutBrnHair · #11 09-09-2008, 03:51 PM

I hope your daughter enjoys her freshman year and develops wonderful friendships with anyone and everyone! If she continues to want the Greek experience -- I hope it works out for her next year.

chioalum · #12 09-09-2008, 05:15 PM

Thank you for all of your comments. She spoke with the New Membership advisor and the president of the sorority last night. They acknowledged that they have in fact not been as receptive as they could be towards the new pledges and were thankful she had taken the initiative to speak with them My duaghter is going to have friends in all of the groups and since hers isn't doing anything as a pledge class or as a chapter this is one of her social options. She did speak with Greek life and this is what they told her regarding spring rush, there were extenuating circumstances for which I just now became aware. As I stated her main focus is her grades and she is currently doing very well. It is her decison to make and I know she will make the right one. Thanks again for everyone's kind comments.

chioalum · #13 11-08-2008, 08:53 PM

Just as has been said so many times in the past you will find where you are meant to be. My daughter decided to stick with ADPI and is loving her decision. She has become so involved and is even considering running for a committee chair for her sophmore year. I am so glad she decided to stick it out and find a home where she is happy. She is also doing well in school which is a double bonus.

NutBrnHair · #14 11-10-2008, 12:11 PM

That is terrific. So glad to hear everything is going well for her. Thanks for the update!