Disappointed mom

[ASTalumna06]

This whole conversation about "top" and "bottom" tiers was talked about in depth in another thread not too long ago, and I think the whole thing to be ridiculous.

As was mentioned in that thread, SORORITIES ARE DIFFERENT AT EVERY SCHOOL. And besides that, many times, after you graduate, you find out that your sorority is very different from what you may have originally thought. As an alumnae member, you get to travel outside that little bubble that is your college campus, and you have the option to help on a higher level. You find out what your sorority truly does, the magnitude of what they accomplish, and you find out that at that point, no one cares about tiers.

It might be different in the south, but guess what, before you know it, this whole thing will start to die down. Your daughter will settle in to her sorority, and she'll be off in her own world. Who knows, maybe she already is. Don't encourage her to drop out of the new member program if she doesn't want to. Let her go. These are the 4 years of her life that will mold and shape her into an adult and the last thing that you want to do is to take away that feeling of belonging that she now has. Especially if it's only because of what your friends might think.

The best advice that I can give to any sorority member is to go to Convention! Encourage your daughter to go. Even if it's just one time. I know for me it was an eye-opening experience, and it was the best look I've had into what it truly means to be in a sorority. And there, no one cares where you're from, because you're all sisters, and at that point, that's the only thing that matters.

Just remember, the whole point of sorority recruitment is to encourage women to "go GREEK". Not to "join the top tier sorority so that their parents and their friends will approve".

[gee_ess]

No one is denying that chapter strengths vary from school to school. Some on here are just trying to point out WHY this mother is feeling the depth of disappointment that she is feeling. Everyone on GC knows that sorority life is much more than the collegiate years, and I imagine that mom does too. The fact remains that she is dealing with a situation that many others cannot relate to because they don't know the local culture. She came to GC from that mentality and thought she would find others who understood her situation. Some do, some don't. I admit, it is hard to wrap your brain around - but it is a fact.

I do believe that she has taken many of the comments on here to heart (per some of her other posts) and is working on accepting her(the mom's) flaws and trying to be the mom she needs to be for her daughter. (at least I can hope!)

[srmom]

Lets say that Daughter joins a "lower tier" chapter in college, however she ends up going to a top law school and ends up working for one of the top law firms in NYC (or something equally lucrative). Does a mother STILL feel she failed at raising her? If so, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

It depends on who she marries TOTALLY just kidding!!!!

I didn't check in all weekend, but after reading the OP and subsequent posts, I think this is a hoax. I mean come on, what mom would post that? If there is someone who actually would put in writing on the internet those personal and painful feelings (to both her and her daughter), I'll eat my hat...

I live in the south, in a very competitive area, where the first question at mom's happy hours in September is, "Where did your daughter/son pledge?"

Very often, the story that is told is about a sad rush experience (not everyone's kid is going to pledge a "top house"), and NOONE is judgemental. Noone tsks and speaks behind the back of the mom that she didn't raise Susie Q well enough to get in XYZ. This is ridiculous and a total charicature of a heli-southern-mom.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Xidelt

Is this mom for real?

I tend to doubt it as well, but I'll play along.

Originally Posted by BadCat25

I assume Disappointed Mom lives in the South and unless you do you will never understand how she feels. . . . Like I said, if you are not from the South you will never understand.

Bless your heart.

Originally Posted by sail100

Yes this is the South, and some posters get it. It is really impossible to explain to those who don't live here. I remember going through rush in the 80's and how my roommate's best friend got cut from her legacy house and eventually was released from all houses. Her mother got countless condolence calls from her sorority alumnae as well as from her friends in other sororities.

And bless your heart, too.

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Ok. so this is apparently a common sentiment in the South.

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

It is not a common sentiment in the south. In the south, the reputations of college chapters may play big in hometowns, but it's not normal or common for mothers to want daughters to drop chapters that the daughters are apparently happy in.

I think it's common or normal for mom's to feel disappointed when their daughters don't end up in the chapters that they want, but not to do what this mom is doing in terms of debating whether to encourage her daughter to drop before initiation.

It would be far more common for everyone to appreciate that mother and daughter might be disappointed, but to admire them more for supporting the chapter who actually wanted to offer membership to the girl.

Seriously, I've never seen a case in real life in which a mom remained ashamed of her daughter's chapter months after bid day.

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

But I tend to think the more authentically prominent you are, the less it matters. It's the social climbers who will be heartbroken.

Thank you!!!

Originally Posted by shadden

I have read the original e-mail several times, and just can't see why everyone sees her the absolute worst mom.

Because her post reads as though concern for her daughter is not the overriding matter here -- her own embarrassment is. I'm embarrassed for the mom.

[Prairie Bayou]

You know, my son just rushed at Ole Miss, and being from out of state and knowing no one there, had no idea how it worked in Oxford. My fraternity has a chapter there and didn't invite him back for Saturday's pref party and I was disappointed....until I started reading here about how Rush works at Ole Miss. He got a bid on Sunday and accepted to a fraternity. I'm now totally thrilled for him because he is happy. In the end, that is all that matters.

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by Prairie Bayou

You know, my son just rushed at Ole Miss, and being from out of state and knowing no one there, had no idea how it worked in Oxford. My fraternity has a chapter there and didn't invite him back for Saturday's pref party and I was disappointed....until I started reading here about how Rush works at Ole Miss. He got a bid on Sunday and accepted to a fraternity. I'm now totally thrilled for him because he is happy. In the end, that is all that matters.

Congrats to you and your son. I'm sure his college days will be very fulfilling and he will be an asset to the chapter.

[srmom]

I think it may be a "city" vs. "small town" south thing.

I'm not from Atlanta, I'm from Houston (an area which is full of greek actives and alumni), so I would consider it a good representation of "competitive southern greek" ideology, not SEC, but Texas greek- UT, SMU and TCU, and getting much more so - Texas A&M.

And, I agree that many kids just don't go greek anymore (and that's from both prominent and not so prominent families). It's just not that big of a deal in the big city.

Like I said before, people are interested, but not so much that they tsk behind someone's back if their kid didn't pledge, or HORROR pledged a lower tiered sorority/fraternity. I do think that sometimes people are shocked when someone they thought would have a great recruitment doesn't, and is disappointed with the results, but they certainly don't think the mom's child raising had anything to do with it! It just happens.

The opening post is ridiculously over the top, like that cheerleader mom who tried to have her daughter's rival "hit" so her kid could make the squad - CERTAINLY not representative of all cheerleader moms. Or southern moms who have kids who are greek...