Northern Arizona University Formal Recruitment

[33girl]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

We have put members on suspension for failure to live in.

But weren't there exceptions? (RAs, have to live in specified housing because of academic program, townies)

If Susie Sorority Member gets a scholarship to study Russian and then finds out she needs to live in the Russian House on campus to use it, I don't think the sorority could kick her out without a really giant stink.

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally Posted by disasterscookie

Isn't that kind of lying, if I don't bring it up? I don't want to get a bid to the house of my dreams and then have to bring up later that I am married and cannot live in.

The sororities on my campus do ask that you try to live in for a minimum of 2 years, but like I said, they are all pretty much at capacity.

Yes but if (like my alma mater, I don't know how NAU is) they suddenly have a ton of women go abroad for the year, the pool of women who can live in diminishes. And the house has to remain full.

I would definitely ask because what you are calling "ask that you try to live in" is often more of a "requirement to live in" if the house is below capacity.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by disasterscookie

Isn't that kind of lying, if I don't bring it up? I don't want to get a bid to the house of my dreams and then have to bring up later that I am married and cannot live in.

The sororities on my campus do ask that you try to live in for a minimum of 2 years, but like I said, they are all pretty much at capacity.

Be honest about it if asked. When we had married girls come through recruitment we always noticed their rings/bands anyway, either that or we asked them something like "where are you living this year?" and they'd answer "oh I live off campus with my husband." So we knew they were married and honestly, we would find it odd if we noticed a ring and a girl tried to hide/deny being married. So I defintely wouldn't try to hide it, because if your school is like mine (not very many married/engaged girls typically going through) someone will notice at some point.

I'd also ask about the live-in policies. Every sorority at my school had a live-in requirement of at least one year. Our only excuses from living in my chapter's house were some sort of medical reason, owning a home, living with your parents within a certain # of miles, and serving on campus as an RA. Marriage was not one of them. So I think it would be good for you to ask sorority members about their live-in policies.

[Kansas City]

No ... it is only lying if you do not disclose that you are married when asked. You should be honest if it comes up in conversation and your living arrangements should be a factor in selecting the "house of your dreams" but your marriage should probably come before living in a house with a bunch of 19-year olds. I only suggest that you take live-in policies into consideration when deciding which sorority is best for you.

[basket96]

I agree with you, disasterscookie, that honesty is really the best policy here. I think the main concern will be your ability to devote time to sorority life. There are multiple mandatory events (meetings, campus activities, philanthropies, social events, etc). If you are sure that it won't be a problem for you, then you will (in my opinion) need to relate that to the actives. Something along the lines of "I know that there is a large time commitment involved in being a member of your sorority. I have thought that through and am ready to make that commitment." (Your own words of course). I just think that to *hope* that actives don't notice your wedding ring is not the greatest plan, because they may make assumptions that are incorrect.

I wish you the best, and please post here what happens! As an adviser I have seen a couple of married undergraduates over the years, so it is not completely unknown.

Good luck!

[disasterscookie]

I mean I am nervous about bringing it up...but my husband works 13-15 hours a day, I have time in my schedule to be a good wife and a good sister, I am positive of that

[Kansas City]

Originally Posted by disasterscookie

I mean I am nervous about bringing it up...but my husband works 13-15 hours a day, I have time in my schedule to be a good wife and a good sister, I am positive of that

Just don't bring it up unless asked. I spent years during recruitment as an undergrad and never once spoke about my boyfriend, now husband. Recruiters will almost guaranteed ask you about your hometown, major, etc. but I would guess that the vast majority are not going to ask you about your personal relationship with a significant other. Of course, don't lie if they do ask you about it but why offer up the information, especially if you are nervous about it?

[OPhiAGinger]

Originally Posted by Kansas City

Just don't bring it up unless asked.

A friend of mine was an active in an NPC sorority and was asked to take alumna status when she got married as a sophomore. She was so sad! I thought it was a national policy of her NPC, but perhaps it was just a local policy....? It's worth checking out that kind of thing. In a perfect world, the campus advisor the OP spoke to would have alerted her to a potential problem, but those campus advisors aren't always up to speed on every GLO policy. (The happy ending is that she wound up as a founding mother of a new OPA chapter on her campus.)

Even if there is no policy against a married woman holding active status, I agree with the OP that playing down this important lifelong commitment is essentially a lie of omission. To find the sisterhood relationship that is right for you, those potential sisters need to know the real you, including the joy you find in your marriage.

[nauadpi]

I graduated from NAU now 5 years ago, but I know then many chapters would have their wings in Mt. View hall full one year then the next would require everyone to live in to fill their space. I would suggest being honest up front... Just ask about what they require to live in. I also know then some chapters would charge a parlor fee to women who did not live in for upkeep of the chapter room. Overall though, most of the chapters were really laid back and if their wing was looking to stay full they had no problem extending bids to women who were not going to be living in.

[Kansas City]

disasterscookie, I am sorry for the apparent hijack of this thread but would like to ask a question of the GCres out there ... If I had a disease, lets say flat feet, that might not allow me to participate fully in the chapter (can't live in the house and receive treatments at the same time), should I initiate a conversation about flat feet to complete strangers knowing full well that it might reduce chances of receieiving a bid? ... knowing that flat feet might not make me a poor candidate for membership but may reduce my capacity to participate or live in a house.

I think that there is a HUGE difference between lying and not initiating a personal conversation about yourself. Just as you wouldn't go to a job interview and initiate a conversation about your lack of transportation, don't intentionally tell others about the negatives. If you get the job you would just find a way to make it work (maybe the bus) just as with a sorority, if you receive a bid, you'll find a way to work it into your married life.

Also, my NPC offers alumna status to married undergrads because a married woman's priorities are generally different from an unmarried woman's but alumna status is the choice of the member and not the NPC.

[KSUViolet06]

My sorority doesn't require married women to take alumna status (we don't have any sort of early alumna status other than 5th yr alumna status anyway). If she receives a bid, she held to the same participation standards as any other sister. If her chapter bylaws don't include marriage as an exception to the live-in policy, she is expected to live-in just like anyone else. This is why it's important for married women to know about chapter live-in policies (as they probably aren't going to want to join knowing that they have to live-in at some point).

My advice is for you to find out about the chapter housing there and their live-in requirements before you get too far into recruitment. If the sororities have live-in requirements (and marriage isn't an exception to them), then it's best to know that, so you can decide to withdraw before you get a bid and then end up depledging.

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by Kansas City

disasterscookie, I am sorry for the apparent hijack of this thread but would like to ask a question of the GCres out there ... If I had a disease, lets say flat feet, that might not allow me to participate fully in the chapter (can't live in the house and receive treatments at the same time), should I initiate a conversation about flat feet to complete strangers knowing full well that it might reduce chances of receieiving a bid? ... knowing that flat feet might not make me a poor candidate for membership but may reduce my capacity to participate or live in a house.

I think that there is a HUGE difference between lying and not initiating a personal conversation about yourself. Just as you wouldn't go to a job interview and initiate a conversation about your lack of transportation, don't intentionally tell others about the negatives. If you get the job you would just find a way to make it work (maybe the bus) just as with a sorority, if you receive a bid, you'll find a way to work it into your married life.

Also, my NPC offers alumna status to married undergrads because a married woman's priorities are generally different from an unmarried woman's but alumna status is the choice of the member and not the NPC.

My point is only about housing. If a chapter states up front that they have a housing requirement, and you know that you cannot meet that requirement, I think you have an obligation to bring it up. Now, if the chapter states that they only encourage living in, or that living in is required but there are exceptions, fine, I agree with your point. The problem is that the chapter may make the exception for the PNM, but the corporation may not. I know the corporation that I serve on has no established exceptions to the requirement to live in. Once the house is full, we consider exclusions, but if the house is not full, every member is required to live in or pay for the empty bed.

[NAU_OPhiA]

I'm brand new to GC and have really enjoyed the recruitment threads I have read so far. I joined a service sorority and did not experience the formal recruitment process, so it is interesting for me to read. I'm excited to hear what it is like at my alma mater!

Good luck!

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

My point is only about housing. If a chapter states up front that they have a housing requirement, and you know that you cannot meet that requirement, I think you have an obligation to bring it up. Now, if the chapter states that they only encourage living in, or that living in is required but there are exceptions, fine, I agree with your point. The problem is that the chapter may make the exception for the PNM, but the corporation may not. I know the corporation that I serve on has no established exceptions to the requirement to live in. Once the house is full, we consider exclusions, but if the house is not full, every member is required to live in or pay for the empty bed.

Agreed (especially the bold part).

[violetpretty]

You'd think that the chapter and house corporation would align their policies.