xrachie's MAYBE recruitment, spring 08!

[xrachie]

Round 3
I'm exhauted. There's no other way to put it - emotionally, physically, mentally, everything. Things didn't go as well as I would've liked them to and I had a total freakout on the phone with my mom during a break. I just feel like I should still be home. I feel guilty for even starting this process and I don't really know if I want to continue. I got asked back to two houses, one of which I really enjoyed, the other I just keep getting asked back to and I just don't fit there. I feel awkward and I can't join an organization to join an organization, its not me. I simply could not accept a bid from them. All of the girls are genuinely nice people, but nice isn't enough to build a sisterly bond on, for me.
Today I toured:
Trafalgar Square - I remember thinking last year that this house was where I could see myself the most. Out of my two options right now, I still think that. The girls I spoke to today were much more active in conversation and within the house itself. They were down to earth and really chill people. I felt more comfortable here than I have in the previous two rounds. The house was really nice, too, which was a plus. This was my third choice from the five of the last round, so I guess its not all that bad. I've heard things about the sisters not getting along well, but they all seemed very cohesive to me. I suppose thats part of rush though, even if it is forced. It didn't seem forced, at very least to me.
Big Ben - Nothing new here. More stunted, awkward conversation. Smiling and nodding. Pauses. At this point in the evening I was so fed up with everything I just didn't care anymore. As I stood waiting to go inside, I looked over at Millenium Bridge (which happens to be across the street from Big Ben), wishing I were there instead. The house was cute, but on the tour the sisters seemed so indifferent towards the house and towards eachother. I didn't feel welcomed, I didn't feel the love that I felt at Trafalgar Square. Even if I go to prefs here, one round can't change 3 previous ones of me feeling strange here.

Honestly, at this point, if I am invited back to both I would suicide Trafalgar Square. Again, I'm not one of those people who can lukewarmly enter something. I go into things headfirst, balls out. Its actually something I got from my dad. He was a no bullshit kind of guy and I inherited that from him. I can't bullshit my way through a sisterhood. Its disrespectful to those who are in it for the real deal. If theres anything I learned from him, its that respect for others, no matter who they are or what you think of them, is always of the utmost importance. If I am put in the situation where my only possible choice is Big Ben, then I have to respectfully bow out.

Originally Posted by xrachie

Round 3

Honestly, at this point, if I am invited back to both I would suicide Trafalgar Square. Again, I'm not one of those people who can lukewarmly enter something. I go into things headfirst, balls out. Its actually something I got from my dad. He was a no bullshit kind of guy and I inherited that from him. I can't bullshit my way through a sisterhood. Its disrespectful to those who are in it for the real deal. If theres anything I learned from him, its that respect for others, no matter who they are or what you think of them, is always of the utmost importance. If I am put in the situation where my only possible choice is Big Ben, then I have to respectfully bow out.

I could so HUG you for this.

My late father was the same way, and I know I get that from him too!

Sending you good vibes for a Trafalgar Square bid card!

[Benzgirl]

If you are invited to Pref both chapters, go to both. I typically wouldn't encourage suiciding, but if you really only seeing yourself in one, then go with your heart.

Hope things look up for you.

[SWTXBelle]

But do go to both prefs - give both groups a chance, and then do what you feel right when you sign your pref card.

[FSUZeta]

hugs to you. i hope that you can keep on going. hang in there-it is stressful for everyone, even for the sorority members and not many(if any) are having to deal with what you are dealing with. best wishes for an invitation from trafalgar square!

[AGDee]

You are going through what will be one of the most difficult things you'll ever experience so most of your feelings (about thinking you should be home, having your emotions bouncing all over the place, etc) are to be expected. I lost my mom in September and am just now starting to feel almost normal again. You are going to have freak outs when you least expect them and will have them even more when you're under stress. I can't even imagine going through recruitment during this time. Don't be hard on yourself. Do what feels right. Freak out when you need to freak out. It's all part of the process. Consider grief counseling if it feels overwhelming. I hope things work out in your favor.

<hugs>

[Nieng17]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad I think I know what school youre rushing at. If I'm right I'm so excited! The weather descriptions brought back memories...lol hopefully I'm right.

The best of luck this weekend.

[AOE2AlphaPhi]

Although that can be a hard decision, I'm proud of you for giving recruitment another try during such a hard time for you. I really hope that you stay happy with your other fabulous activities, and maybe get to be involved with the recolonization! Good luck!

[xrachie]

A small addendum - I was in the elevator going to see a friend in another res hall, and a girl I had spoken to in one of the houses that I was cut from (which house I will keep quiet out of respect for her) entered. She waited a moment in elevator silence and turned to me and said "Just so you know, I fought for you." I smiled and thanked her and said that I was flattered. If nothing else, I guess it means I'm actually pretty spiffy.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by xrachie

If nothing else, I guess it means I'm actually pretty spiffy.

Oh, you are, sweetikins, you ARE!
May God give you strength. Looks like He already gave you wisdom!
Hugs!

[groovypq]

xrachie, my heart goes out to you and I admire you so much for taking a chance on this through such a difficult time. I hope recolonization happens because I think with your experience (especially in SIFE - several of my girls are in that and I know the work it entails) you could be such an amazing leader through that process!

My best to you and your family - you're in my prayers!

[RushLeader08]

sife is so crazy!!! it would be difficult to be in a sorority too!!! good luck with everything and what a winner you are!!!