Your "Blackness" Questioned?????

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

How are most SoCal beach rules and goers were/are racist and bigotted? Just curious, I've never heard that before.

Very interesting post. One of the biggest reasons why I have a crush on SoCal are what I've heard about the beaches.

So as a little girl, I was all into the "surfer dude" stuff. Like a fish... I LUUUVVVVEEEEDDDDEDDDD the beach, the ocean, the sand and stuff.

In fact, my mother had to dayum near give me whuppins to leave the beach--like I ackted so ugly that I tole my mama I was gonna run away & live with Shamu...

In fact, my mother would have to scare me to death to get me into the car are leave the beach!!!

But when I became a teenager and started looking at the boys and tried to cute with by bikini on, etc. Aside from dudes not looking at me, really and if they did they were drunkard toothless homeless dudes, I got harassessed OFTEN by the po-po by just being on the beach even if I hungout with my non-AA girlfriends who were sunbathing like I was (don't ask with my logic about that one)--just because of the color of my skin...

It happenend in Catalina, San Diego and the O.C. beaches--all the time...

The only safest area for me to hangout on the Beach without getting harassessed by law enforcement in San Diego is this place called South Mission before all the gangs started shooting. This was in the mid to late 1980's...

Recently, when I visited the O.C. my husband and I were often being followed by the po-po just because we were on the Beach...

In fact, I used to work at Scripps Institution of Oceanography that is on La Jolla Shores... I'd get harrassed...

I'd havta go to Windansea beach...

Harrassment by the po-po is VERY humiliating especially when you're trying to look cute and you are really aren't doing anything other than crossing the street...

But that is what happens daily on SoCal beaches...

Unless the beach has basketball courts, the po-po thinks there is no other reason why people of color need to be there...

That is a fact in the day in the life of Southern California... Just the way it is...

[Steeltrap]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

So the history of most of Southern California is why most AA do not swim at the beach...

Historically, there was extreme racial segregation at almost all the prime locations on SoCal beaches. If found there pre-1970's, AA's were either beaten or killed for being on the beach or near the beach. That kind of history is hidden about SoCal and only older native Californians know this kind of history.

Also, there have always been the police officers on the beach or near the beach ready to arrest "suspicious characters". Yeah, there are billion dollar homes near the SoCal beaches, that is the price most folks pay for while living in Cali... But, there is no reason to go Sylmar Rodney King style on a brotha while he's just enjoying himself at the beach with his Nicole girlfriend... That happenend ALOT on most SoCal beaches...

Then other less desirable beaches have crap in the water, like sewage, condoms, needles, you name it, you'll find it... Those are forgotten areas... And there is rough water, or undertows that make the beaches unsafe.

I would say that most SoCal beaches rules and goers have been unbelievably racist and bigotted in the past and a lot of that has not much changed...

And I am a native California who resides in Pacific Northwest now...

As a slightly older native Californian who is still here, Soror's analysis is spot-on. Black folks just really didn't go to many beaches or did that much water-style activity. We got a pool in 1968, a year after my parents moved in the current family home, and I did do some degree of swimming. I can't swim well enough, however, to save my life.

[SummerChild]

Sorors AKAMonet and Steeltrap, thank you for shedding some light on the matter. I was pretty baffled by it, especially living so close to the southbay where I frequent Manhattan Beach and Hermosa Beach (the city or the beach itself) about once a month or so.

SC

Originally Posted by Steeltrap

As a slightly older native Californian who is still here, Soror's analysis is spot-on. Black folks just really didn't go to many beaches or did that much water-style activity. We got a pool in 1968, a year after my parents moved in the current family home, and I did do some degree of swimming. I can't swim well enough, however, to save my life.

[teena]

This particular issue is something that really used to bother me when I was still trying to find myself. People would often make comments on how I spoke or my hobbies or my ambitions. It really did hurt. When my walk with God became strong I realized God made me the way he wants me to be, special and set apart. Then I had to really think. Who are these people who are saying this? Who are they to me? Why are they saying this? Is it done in love or to try crush my spirit? Most of the time, the person was no one to me. So I really stopped caring.

Our community is infamous for sterotyping and not embracing the differences within our culture. I personally think it is one of many hold over issues from slavery. Back in the days, elders taught youth to not be to proud or bold and 'stay in your place' or run the risk of offending any passing white person. I think the "you think your cute" and "you tryin' to be white" is the modernized version of so called putting someone in their place

[Amaretto Sour]

Aw, girl, I get this a lot, as well. Usually my response begins with, "Well, I'm sorry that you associate intellectualism with 'being white', but hey, that's on you." or in your case, "Damn, it's too bad that youuuuuuur blackness is defined by such unimportant things. Mine isn't."

...and top BOTH off with a smile. I save the latter for when I'm really offended, though.

After coming from being the only black girl in a graduating class of 848 (and LOVING my alma mater) and then going to an HBCU, I got used to the "white girl" comments fast. Safely attribute it to other people not having diverse enough friends/neighborhoods/circles/cliques to respect your uniqueness, and believe in the phrase "The people who matter don't care, and the people who care, don't matter.".

That's what works for me NOW.



As for over-generalizing, of course "we" do. For me, it seems like a really deep connection to not being satisfied with where one is in life, and the more they see other people in that same place, the more comfortable they are.. thus shuning those who are different. I know that doesn't sound like it makes much sense, but I swear it makes sense in my head, LOL.

[nonchalant]

Stereotypes have been around for years on top of years, and they are not going anywhere. I think we have all been guilty once upon a time for stereotyping. I know I have. You basically have to be an open-minded individual to allow yourself to look pass those that are close-minded and see things only one way.

I would have been slightly offended, but being the outspoken person I am, I would have inquired as to why that was stated. I then would have educated him in a nice nasty way on my view of the situation as a whole. I would not have stopped talking to him. I feel it's a petty situation. Also depends on how serious the comment was intended to be. Whether stated in a jokingly manner in oppose to act your own race. Always have to look at both peoples side and communicate to clarify situations.

All and all, I've been through a lot, and I'm content with me. I've been called stuck up cuz I'm pretty. A b*tch cuz I'm outspoken. Country cuz I'm from the south. Ghetto cuz I'm from the hood. The list goes on. The only people that can get to me now are my loved ones.

[Steeltrap]

I swear, we may have some threads that address similar topics.

[Alouette]

If I had a dime for every time I've been called an 'oreo' I'd be a very wealthy woman.

I grew up in a predominately white area, went to predominately white schools. My husband is white. Doesn't change the fact that I am very much a 'sista.'

I majored in English Lit and speak "properly." I also know some Spanish and studied French. I've seen quite a bit of the world, partially due to my father being in the military (I was born in Germany). I also studied classical music in high school.

When I was a freshman in college I was cornered by a group of several black students who felt it their mission in life to tell me they thought that *I* thought I was white. I hadn't done anything to them to provoke it....I didn't even know them, really.

It doesn't help that there is some 'white blood' in my family as well, and some of my kinfolk have 'white' features; some capable of 'passing' (though they will tell you they are black WITH THE QUICKNESS).

Join the club. God loves you as you are and made you unique. Black folk are NOT a monolith. We come in all shades and hues, all kinds of hair textures, with all kinds of backgrounds and diverse interests. If other people can't handle it, that's their dilemma. Keep humility at the forefront, pray for those who are consumed by jealousy and practice compassion and forgiveness.

What's that saying: Be who you are, because the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.


Peace.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by MsSweetness
Soooo, I decided that since I live by the lake I could get some skates and skate on the bike path when spring time hits. It's minutes from my apt, walking, and I figured I would be able to get fresh air and exercise at the same time. My community is diverse and all types of people are along the lake (Hyde Park for you Chicagoans) in the spring and summer. I decided to tell a black male coworker today (I'm black too) and he said: "You always acting like a white girl." I was like I got so offended. I didn't talk to him for a long while. I refused to discuss the situation with him.

My question is, did I overreact? I mean, should I have been that upset for him saying that to me?

Do we, as blacks, take things too far when trying to generalize our culture/people?

Well given the huge health disparity of African Americans we need to be out there more enjoying the plain "outdoors"--forget sunshine--and doing some exercise...

I think that you were probably dealing with someone quite immature and I would have not given him the pleasure to even dignify his comment. The real question you have to ask is why did it bother you anyway?

So what if he called you a white girl because you said you were going to walk around Lake Michigan, who the EFF cares? Oprah would be doing it if she had the time, you might see her... Hayle, any number of folks may be up in there--as long as you are working out, really, who the EFF cares?

I am practicing barre (ballet) exercises in my gym before my aerobics class. Although I am in the Pac Northwest where EVERYBODY works out to some degree, I do get odd stares by folks for doing barre exercises. Personally, I think it is because folks are trying to figure out how they could do it because most folks think barre exercises and ballet is not that aerobic when it actually is... And it is very hard to do. The reason why it looks so easy on stage is that the folks have been doing it since they were walking and have regulated all the physiology (like heart rate) to make the presentation beautiful...

Do I think you overreacted? Probably not. Am I shocked that dude said something that ignorant to you? No... But if it were me and I chose to deal with that person today, I'd probably ask him why he thought it so I could see how far his head was in the toilet... Then I hoped he'd never get a heart attack.

But that's just me.

[OhioCentaur]

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
Well given the huge health disparity of African Americans we need to be out there more enjoying the plain "outdoors"--forget sunshine--and doing some exercise...

I think that you were probably dealing with someone quite immature and I would have not given him the pleasure to even dignify his comment. The real question you have to ask is why did it bother you anyway?

So what if he called you a white girl because you said you were going to walk around Lake Michigan, who the EFF cares? Oprah would be doing it if she had the time, you might see her... Hayle, any number of folks may be up in there--as long as you are working out, really, who the EFF cares?

I am practicing barre (ballet) exercises in my gym before my aerobics class. Although I am in the Pac Northwest where EVERYBODY works out to some degree, I do get odd stares by folks for doing barre exercises. Personally, I think it is because folks are trying to figure out how they could do it because most folks think barre exercises and ballet is not that aerobic when it actually is... And it is very hard to do. The reason why it looks so easy on stage is that the folks have been doing it since they were walking and have regulated all the physiology (like heart rate) to make the presentation beautiful...

Do I think you overreacted? Probably not. Am I shocked that dude said something that ignorant to you? No... But if it were me and I chose to deal with that person today, I'd probably ask him why he thought it so I could see how far his head was in the toilet... Then I hoped he'd never get a heart attack.

But that's just me.

If the world were that grounded... we would have a reason to have these threads

[Rain Man]

Originally posted by Alouette
What's that saying: Be who you are, because the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.

Taking it one step further:

It's all about mind over matter: If you don't mind, it don't matter

[nonchalant]

My roommate, L, dates white men. Fine. L was cooking dinner and asked me if the chicken was done. The white guy says to L, 'Don't all black people know when the chicken is done.' I almost slapped the sh*t out of him. I kept quiet though. I didn't want to cause any loss of a date, so I went to my room.

[tld221]

blackness questioned? been there, done that. heard it all before, sure i will hear it again.

i feel like if youre dumb enough to make the remark, youre not smart enough for me to give you an educated reply, aside from "what do you mean?" after that, they may get a "oh really? thats nice" and i K.I.M.

im pretty sure that most people who have gotten this prolly wont hear the same from whites. speaking for myself, most black people i know will say i act white, whites will say that i act black. well, ya cant please everyone.

p.s. my (now ex) boyfriend told me right before i started college that he could see me "turning into one of them." 4 years later i wonder...