Playas till the day we die...

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by marquise1911

*Stands up and claps*

Frat you are on point completely. I have always tried my hardest to take the lead in my relationships. But often I find women, especially our own, SIMPLY WON'T FOLLOW. Despite my greatest efforts. I was raised in a home where my father had been the leader but became ill, so my mother and all of us had to step up. I realized how big the role of a husband was. Prior to him being sick I can't remember wanting for anything growing up. But after he became disabled we only had dinner 5/7 days a week. No matter how hard me, mom's, and big sis worked, we couldn't do what he did. I noticed we argued about everything too because for the first time we had to make decisions he used to make.

I say this just to stress the point of what you made clear. MEN ARE MADE TO LEAD. Women and children are made to follow. My father was never a dictator. He never forced us to do anything, honestly we just trusted him and most of the time he was right. I want to be like my father, but there seems to be very few women like my mother and almost no other men like my father for me to use as a support system.

Nupe that's a good story. That simply has made you a stronger man though.

Man, you hit it on the nose. Women do not like to be led, especially our own. My X was a trip. She did her own thing, and I did mine, because I damn sure was not going to follow her. Wasn't raised to follow a woman. My father always told me there's nothing wrong with listening to your wife/woman, you just have to know when to listen to her. A man that lets his wife/woman lead, will lead that joker right into the gutter, and then blame it on him and the killer thing about it is she would be right. It would be his own fault. Why? Because God DID NOT give the woman the dominion, nor did he give her direction. That was Adams responsibility. Period. Also you can't lead a woman who refuses to be led. I know why women have a hard time submitting, but that goes back to Genesis. I'll explain later.

[AKA_Monet]

The Rules. Living it Ala Carte style. Rules are made to be broken.

I am married. I never thought I would meet someone that would ask me to marry him and I take his request seriously. We barely knew each other.

But, I knew he was a good guy. He could not have all these "accomplishments" and be a total EFF-up. May be I did settle, but my husband puts a house over my head and food to eat. Sure, I could do it on my own, a house may take me some time, but I have found that I am extremely lonely at the top...

After our 3rd date, I told my boyfriend (now husband) that he needed to tell me where to go and how to get there within 3 months. Our "dates" required airplane flights.

Now, you cannot say that to anyone or your heart will get broken. But, if you want that person in your life and he or she is feeling your vibe, then it should not be difficult for you to state that to them succinctly.

My now husband's reaction: he said was giving him too much pressure. Then, I told him he can decide what he wants and after 3 months, he can make a decision or not. But, if I have to make that decision of what kind of relationship we need to have, we will not be in a relationship anymore, forever. He could have called my bluff, but to him, having me in his life was important. So he proposed--on the phone. We eloped because an argument. But, I must say it has been the most self-introspection and great experience of my life. I cannot imagine life without him, now.

I think we believe in this "fairy tale" dream of "how it is 'suppose' to be" as if we are on soap opera television pay per view. Let me tell you, all of that does not make a MARRIAGE. Marriage is hard for a reason. I learned is absolutely does not matter "HOW" you get married, it is all about "WHO" you marry and YOUR reasons you chose to marry them. If better not be about being rich--because you say "for richer or poorer". It better not be about health, because you say "in sickness and in health". And it better not be just about growing old, because you say "'til death do you part" and you never know when that is...

The best you can hope for is to have a "loving relationship" in your marriage. And remember, you are building a "family" even if it is just the 2 of you.

There are practical things you can do together.

PM me if you have questions.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

i dont think it is the men's fault 100%. we, as women, need to learn how to gently put our foot down when it comes to relationships. we cant threaten you all into marrying us. we cant get knocked up and trap you. what we can do (but usually dont) is follow thru on our threats. i had to do that, didnt want to, but it got to that point with my now fiance. i had to explain to him that after 4 years, if there was not a good reason to stay shacked up, that i was leaving. i packed my stuff and left. i didnt want a ring, i didnt want a proposal, i wanted a PLAN. thats what i got!

maybe im wrong, but thats what most women want: an intention to do right by us!

That's it. There you go! I'm not trying to be graphic, but I call it like I see it. These men gotta realize the nookie isn't free. Make that joker pay for it with a ring. Most men are like, hey if I can get it for free, cool. Once she gets pregnant that joker is out. That's why you gotta make that joker pay for it with a ring.