"You'll end up where you were meant to"... - Page 6

Lil_ChiO_Lady · #1 06-15-2002, 01:38 AM

nycgirl--
I was in the same shoes as your sister..I came from out of state from the eastcoast as well (Philly) and I moved to Texas...I didn't know much about Greeks and was a little worried about the whole "RUSH THING"..It seemed difficult in the beginning b/c getting referances for me was a pain in the ass to get and I was truely worried b/c I thought these girls are gonna look at me differently for not being a local and I know nothing about the city and OMG,lol...

She just has to be herself going into rush and not stress it, there isn't a disadvantage to being from out-of-state unless you make it a negative..They really get very interested knowing a rushee is not from around the area..They take advantage of that fact and welcome you with open arms..

I found out it was such an easy outlet in conversations.It helped me to talk about myself and my background and they learned so much about me and it really helped for them and I to make my decision in choosing of where I wanted to be..So in my opinion it was actually easier to be from out of state and also you don't know anyone from your high school that you may already have pre-concieved notions about.It is starting anew and making a great impression on these ppl who are gonna be your lifelong friends.I have found myself to be a more confident,outgoing person with leadership skills that I never thought I had.It is pretty BADASS!

Chi Omega-"Womanly Always,Discouraged Never"

justamom · #2 06-22-2002, 09:16 AM

I have to agree with Lil_ChiO_Lady, It isn't a negative. In fact, it can be much better if you DON'T have a "history" with girls from your HS. When you walk into a chapter that has even a FEW girls you know, it doesn't always turn out as you might hope. Old rivalries, stereotypes, or something as minute as a single moment in time that you "weren't at your best" can pop into the memory of active members. Last year, some of the girls that shared activities with active members were cut right off the bat-legacy or not. It could be traced back to competition in HS. In some of the cases, the girls expected it. Here it is, a year later and a couple of the Moms are STILL upset over the outcome and the PERCEIVED reasons behind the "snub". If you had a glowing reputaton and "everybody just LOVED you", of course it can help.
The most beneficial relationships seemed to be those where families were socially intertwined and the younger girls were friends of a respected active member. This leaves a lot of room for all the great girls that let their personality and CONFIDENCE shine though during rush.

blueyes · #3 06-22-2002, 10:53 AM

It also depends upon the school. If you're going to one that has a very competitive Greek system and just "show up" for rush with a few recs you stand a good chance of getting lost in the numbers.

We work on rush all summer, with the actives from each city (or area) meeting weekly and sifting through the possibles. By the time rush begins we have a pretty good work-up on most PNMs.
They're always a few surprises, but not as many as you'd think considering we pledged 70 last year. This is the only way you can effectively handle it when almost a thousand PNMs are coming through the first parties.

AlphaChiCutie · #4 06-22-2002, 05:47 PM

At my school, approximately 1300-1400 girls rush each fall, and we are only second to Ole Miss as the most competitive rush in the nation. Most of the girls who go through are from Atlanta or other large cities in Georgia and are some of the most beautiful college co-eds around. That being said, sorority rush there is sometimes compared to the male "Hell Week" (even though many greek people don't like that word, it happens on our campus at least). Anyways, I had my heart set on a certain prestigious sorority but was cut after 2nd round because a certain girl and I just "didn't click," despite all the other people I knew there who liked me. I ended up pledging Alpha Chi, and although it was not where I ever thought I'd be, it turned out to be a great choice. In the end, the phrase "you'll end up where you are supposed to" turned out to mean something more like "you may not end up where you thought you would, but you'll still end up in a happy place and your life will go on." I've told several younger friends who are about to go through rush at different schools to keep an open mind. Even though I'm not where I thought I'd be, I'm just happy to be in the greek system. It's been a very rewarding experience.

ROWDYsister · #5 06-22-2002, 08:17 PM

I went to UF with my best friends from high school but I didn't know one Greek soul. I doubt that had any effect on whether I got a bid or not, b/c even in the most competitive Greek systems, it boils down to whether or not you like the sorority and they like you. I knew absolutely nothing about Greek life but I clicked with the girls. All your sister has to do is learn as much as she can about each of the sororities during rush and just be herself. Seriously, I think many houses consider it more important to have someone who is fun and well-rounded and would make a good contribution to the house than a girl who has her nose in the air and is snobby but is beautiful. These are going to be your sisters, after all, not your cover girls...I'm sure you know that, being in a sorority yourself. Knowing other girls is a nice reassurance during such a stressful week but is by no means necessary.

AphaPhiCutie, it's so funny that you refer to Recruitment Week as "Hell Week," too. It was the hardest, longest week, and if any frat guy ever has the nerve to think that we didn't "earn" our initiations b/c our pledge periods were easy, then they obviously do not understand how taxing "water parties" can be.

bets · #6 06-28-2002, 03:53 AM

Ooh what a tricky little topic this is.

I have conflicting thoughts on this, so bear with me.

1. in my case, I pref'd the 2 "best" sororities, and then the "weak". I chose the smaller "weaker" sorority b/c I am a girl that LOVES to be in the center of attention, and I like to speak out and be heard. Part of my decision process was that I knew I would be able to stand out better, be better able to hold offices, etc. in the latter. I TOTALLY agree that sororities that seem weak may not really be, conversely, strong, may not be strong. After being in my chapter for 6 years, I would not change a thing. I have realized that I have probably worked harder for my sorority than anything else in my life, and it has made me a world of a better person for it. And in that work, I have found the beauty and strength of my so-called weak chapter.

2. AND

, in the last few years, i have seen the TOPS go down a bit, the BOTTOMS come up a bit, and like college, realized collegiate sorority life is cylical, and is constantly evolving every four years.

3. On the other hand, I don't think everybody goes where they are meant to be. I rushed with my real sister, we never discussed ANYTHING, b/c we wanted to make our own decisions.
She made a bad choice, in the way that her chapter did not support her when mine would have, and she regrets that she had not chose differently. It's all in the chapter and the person.

4. And possibly most important, is that the conundrum of RUSH is that it's just that! You are forced, as a PNM and Member, to judge a person in a very short period of time. Which sux. My feelings on this have always been is that A) My mom's friends didn't know everything about me coming out of high school, and had they known every stupid thing i did, would have not given me a rec. (Thank God they did) B) Anyone can put on a front for a week, and look like an angel with a good resume, and C) for the most part most girls could be molded into excellent, upstanding women with the right help. (Does this come from sororities? You be the judge) Some just need the right peer pressure.

Ok. Now I'm babbling. Lost my point somewhere in there. Hopefully you'll be able to suss it out.

shadokat · #7 06-28-2002, 03:05 PM

Where did you live near Philly Lil_ChiO_Lady, and what school did you go to in Texas? One of my dearest friends lived here in Philly and then went to UTEP for college. She was a Chi O there, although the chapter has now closed! She has nearly the same story as you

Quote:

Originally posted by Lil_ChiO_Lady
nycgirl--
I was in the same shoes as your sister..I came from out of state from the eastcoast as well (Philly) and I moved to Texas...I didn't know much about Greeks and was a little worried about the whole "RUSH THING"..It seemed difficult in the beginning b/c getting referances for me was a pain in the ass to get and I was truely worried b/c I thought these girls are gonna look at me differently for not being a local and I know nothing about the city and OMG,lol...

She just has to be herself going into rush and not stress it, there isn't a disadvantage to being from out-of-state unless you make it a negative..They really get very interested knowing a rushee is not from around the area..They take advantage of that fact and welcome you with open arms..

I found out it was such an easy outlet in conversations.It helped me to talk about myself and my background and they learned so much about me and it really helped for them and I to make my decision in choosing of where I wanted to be..So in my opinion it was actually easier to be from out of state and also you don't know anyone from your high school that you may already have pre-concieved notions about.It is starting anew and making a great impression on these ppl who are gonna be your lifelong friends.I have found myself to be a more confident,outgoing person with leadership skills that I never thought I had.It is pretty BADASS!

Chi Omega-"Womanly Always,Discouraged Never"

Lil_ChiO_Lady · #8 07-02-2002, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Where did you live near Philly Lil_ChiO_Lady, and what school did you go to in Texas? One of my dearest friends lived here in Philly and then went to UTEP for college. She was a Chi O there, although the chapter has now closed! She has nearly the same story as you

I lived in North Philly and moved up to Northeast during my high school years... I now attend the University of Houston..I have never had the pleasure of meeting her.

Cluey · #9 07-28-2002, 02:12 PM

I am one of those girls who "got lost in the shuffle" at a large SEC school. I believed all those little half-truths about the sorority getting the recommendation, you just turning in your little information sheet, etc. I secured no recs based on this lie.

I think I had a worse experience for a couple different reasons.

1. I was the only person from my high school at that particular university. There were girls from my hometown, but they all went to the prestigious private school and looked at me exceedingly weird when I said I went to a public high school.

2. I was very young, though everyone says it shouldn't have anything to do with it. I was actually 16 when I rushed and turned 17 later that fall.

I had the grades. I had the involvement in activities. I had the community service. On paper, I looked good.

I went onward to rush with no preconceived notions about any of the sororities. At the particular school that I attended, there are 18 sororities. During the first round, we visited all the houses and I thought, despite the reputation of being from a public school, that I had made a good impression. Imagine my surprise received my invitations to round 2 and I only had *2* houses left. Talk about a gut check moment. My rho chi couldn't believe it. After all the other girls left to go get ready for their first party, she talked to me for a while. She advised me to go to the 2 parties, even though I was a wreck, and so I did. I came back the next day and those 2 houses had dropped me. My rho chi cried with me when I dropped out of rush. She said she didn't understand why they wouldn't like me and I, honestly, I have no idea to this day.

My point is this, yes, there are girls who go into rush saying, "If I don't get ABC, then I don't go anything." I wasn't one of those girls and, yet, I still had an unsuccessful rush. I would have been more than happy to just find *A* home. Yes, at some level, it does effect your self esteem, but you can choose to dwell on it or live your life.

I ended up transferring to a college that did not have sororities. I'm currently persuing alumna initiation, so maybe things do work out for the best. It just might take a while for them to work out.

carnation · #10 01-26-2003, 10:31 PM

We've acquired a bunch of new members lately and I'd like to know your views on this topic that affects so many PNMs, especially at the Mega-Greek schools.....

aopinthesky · #11 01-26-2003, 10:53 PM

was not reading GC when you first started this thread, but I was glad to see that you bumped it! I do agree that things DO NOT always work out for the best and PNM's do not always end up "where they were meant to be". I cringe every time I see someone say that on GC. I am from the South and although my school is not SEC, nor is my daughter's, I have seen odd things happen to many of my friends and hers during recruitment. Sometimes there is just no explanation for why a PNM does not get bid other than the luck of the draw. Thanks for your wisdom on the subject!

carnation · #12 01-26-2003, 11:45 PM

That statement about "people going where they're meant to be" bothers me more every year. I have now watched 3 classes of my daughters' peers go through rush--mostly in SEC schools but also in other Georgia schools--and I have watched the cream of the crop from their high school get cut heavily and quickly. I was devastated for so many of them after rush last year...all these girls who should've been snapped up by the strongest, most involved sororities were left with 2-4 sororities out of 15-18 after second parties. Gorgeous, sweet, intelligent girls with great recs--and all the alums from around here were going, "HUH? What happened?"

And so I can't say they ended up where they were meant to.

adduncan · #13 01-27-2003, 12:22 AM

I just ran across this thread--I can't believe I haven't seen it before now.

Wow.

I hate to say it, but Carnation's initial thread-starting post brought back a flood of feelings of disorientation and disappointment and bitterness that I remember from rush days.

In some ways, it's reassuring: as an undergrad, I thought I was the ONLY one who had a terrible rush experience. I was afraid to talk to anyone about it at the time--everyone around me was getting bids to their first choice, picking out gowns, tracking down white dresses.....and here I am trying to paint a fake smile on my face for them so I wouldn't get branded a sour-puss.

I think an important thing to point out to PNMs is that sometimes it *doesn't* work out. But even if it doesn't, that doesn't mean you are an oddball or an outcast. It happens, but it's not something to be ashamed of. I wish someone had told me that 15 years ago, instead of having to struggle to figure it out for myself.

Thanx to everyone who contributed to this topic.

Back in the saddle again.....

Adrienne (PNAM-2003)

justamom · #14 01-27-2003, 08:07 AM

As a committee head for my son's Senior Party, I've had the opportunity to meet a TON of mothers I didn't know. Though the number attending LSU seems to be a tad lower ths year, the questions about "rush" are starting to come up. Same old thing...nobody really knows what to do or how to go about lining things up. When a mother told ME-"Don't be upset if your daughter doesn't get a bid..." I was rather insulted! I thought HOW IN THE HELL COULD THAT HAPPEN-HA!

Well, she WAS indeed lucky considering it was the largest rush in recent history. I am no longer insulted. In fact, I am trying to think of a less BLUNT way to say it to these new mothers. Thank goodness she and I were reading GC, because we KNEW it was a possibility to go bidless. That thougt never entered my MIND. To be pumped up and unaware (as MANY were) might have left her bitter as well. A year has gone by now and she doesn't like rush.
She hates the fact that for many, there is no obvious reason WHY they are cut OR kept. She wants to work in the background rather than face hurting anyone.

WPISweetie · #15 01-27-2003, 10:42 AM

Wow! This is a really interesting topic. When I started rushing, I KNEW that the other sorority on my campus was the one for me. It was where I was meant to be - there was just no question. I know a lot of you followed my rush thread, so I don't really have to explain the way things changed for me. Yes, I was crushed when I got cut from the sorority I was "meant" to be in. I wasn't sure at first when I took my bid from AGD, but I figured it was at least worth a shot. And that was the smartest decision I've ever made in my life. Although I couldn't see it, I really was meant to be an Alpha Gam. Even though I'm not a sister yet, I've already grown so much from the sisterhood, and I feel like I have a lot to give back to the chapter.

So, to get back to the topic, I wasn't really devastated by the idea that I was meant to be an AGD, but, rather that I was NOT meant to be in the other sorority. I'm not one to really buy into the whole fate thing - I really believe life is what you make of it. But I think sometimes things happen that you just can't help. It's just so right that you couldn't have stopped it if you'd tried. I know not everyone is as lucky as me, though. I think that a rephrase of the "You'll end up where you belong" is a great idea, because that one sentence can cause an unbelievable amount of heartache for PNMs.