What to tell overconfident PNMs

[Lovethesand]

Originally Posted by OldOleMiss

Groan- didn't know where else to share and this thread seemed appropriate enough-and need to vent--- a friend of mine contacted me about a month ago-- daughter will be a freshman at Alabama. She asked if I would write a rec. and give them some "recruitment advice"- this girl is not only OOS but northern OOS (NJ) AND has ZERO greek family connections-- of course I said I would be happy to help and told her what daughter needed to get me (and other writers) for the rec.

Friend JUST called me and after thanking me profusely for the offer to help told me that after preview weekend Daughter has been invited to SEVERAL teas- so she thinks they are ---direct quote "good to go on the whole rush thing"-- end quote.... OMG- can I just slap her?? I tried my best to explain to her that recs are still going to be needed, etc.. etc... but friend didn't want to hear any of it. I can only HOPE she comes to her senses soon or she is going to have one very upset daughter on her hands.... I talked until I was blue- and finally hung up with a "good luck, let me know if she changes her mind"-- UGH! some people just need to have sense slapped into them......

As an OOS with no Greek family connections I can relate to your friend to some extent. You don't know the ins and outs and recruitment brochures and the schools can make it seem like you sign up, show up, and at the end you'll have a house. Add in the mix of getting invited to teas and you can think you're good to go. I probably would have thought Debbie was good to go too........... until I came across this site.

If you have a friend like yourself or stumble upon this site then you slowly start to learn what you thought you knew about the process greatly differs from reality. In addition, a Greek friend in a WA school may have a completely different perspective than a Greek friend in AL.

When my Debbie went through recruitment I tried to share with my husband the before, during, and after of recruitment. He just didn't get it. He especially didn't understand recs when everybody has to get them what then made them unique or special. I couldn't explain it either but told him she had to have them.

An outsider to the process can easily be led to believe by talking to a school's Panhellenic office that it's not that big a deal when you know that it's exactly the opposite. Sometimes it's easier to take the "official" word as gospel instead of a friend or someone in the know. Maybe after teas your friend will come back to you for more info once her daughter hears the other girls talk. Tea/pre-tent talk can open a lot of eyes in a good or bad way.

[OldOleMiss]

AWESOME perspective Lovethesand-- THANKS!!! I guess I have never thought of it from the point of view of an OOS / non-greek / non SEC parent / PNM. Being from the south and then going through SEC recruitment my perspective is definitely more skewed. You are right- they really don't have any idea. I have tried to steer them to this site, but it was clear from my recent conversation that they have not checked it out. I really do hope that the teas will open daughters eyes a little bit, I also casually mentioned it to another friend of ours who, while did not attend a competitive recruitment school, was in a sorority and knows the importance of recs... she is going to see if she can also slip into the conversation in the coming days how daughter is going to need much much more than just some cute outfits and a couple of tea invites. Like I said in my rant I really do pray that they come to their senses...

[AOIILisa]

Originally Posted by OldOleMiss

AWESOME perspective Lovethesand-- THANKS!!! I guess I have never thought of it from the point of view of an OOS / non-greek / non SEC parent / PNM. Being from the south and then going through SEC recruitment my perspective is definitely more skewed. You are right- they really don't have any idea. I have tried to steer them to this site, but it was clear from my recent conversation that they have not checked it out. I really do hope that the teas will open daughters eyes a little bit, I also casually mentioned it to another friend of ours who, while did not attend a competitive recruitment school, was in a sorority and knows the importance of recs... she is going to see if she can also slip into the conversation in the coming days how daughter is going to need much much more than just some cute outfits and a couple of tea invites. Like I said in my rant I really do pray that they come to their senses...

Yes, or even from the POV of northern greeks who aren't on this site. Before I came here, I wouldn't have known how different SEC rush is from anywhere else and would have probably been just as nonchalant about getting recs as your friend.

As a reference: my alumnae chapter was just reviewing its goals for the year and one of them was to write at least one MIF (our term for a rec). We wrote.. exactly one, for someone who was going to a big SEC school. (There was a collective sigh around the room over what the poor kid is going to experience going through recruitment there!). Penn State and all the other PA schools just don't use recs, for the most part. Yet I am sure there are other AOII alum chapters that write hundreds!

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by OldOleMiss

Groan- didn't know where else to share and this thread seemed appropriate enough-and need to vent--- a friend of mine contacted me about a month ago-- daughter will be a freshman at Alabama. She asked if I would write a rec. and give them some "recruitment advice"- this girl is not only OOS but northern OOS (NJ) AND has ZERO greek family connections-- of course I said I would be happy to help and told her what daughter needed to get me (and other writers) for the rec.

Friend JUST called me and after thanking me profusely for the offer to help told me that after preview weekend Daughter has been invited to SEVERAL teas- so she thinks they are ---direct quote "good to go on the whole rush thing"-- end quote.... OMG- can I just slap her?? I tried my best to explain to her that recs are still going to be needed, etc.. etc... but friend didn't want to hear any of it. I can only HOPE she comes to her senses soon or she is going to have one very upset daughter on her hands.... I talked until I was blue- and finally hung up with a "good luck, let me know if she changes her mind"-- UGH! some people just need to have sense slapped into them......

I just don't understand...

Even if you (general you) think that you have recruitment figured out and a bid in the bag, why not get recs as a fail-safe?

The company I work for now is where my mom works. Her boss was essentially the person who hired me. I had met him a few times prior to my interview, and we always had great conversations. He told me a year prior when I was still living in northwestern PA (the company's home office is in Jersey) that should I ever decide to move, he would have a job waiting for me.

Guess what I did when I was told I had an interview..... I sent in my resume, brought one with me to the interview, wore a full suit (even though I was told business casual), gave them 2 letters of recommendation, 3 references, and followed it up with a thank you letter.

Nothing in life is guaranteed.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

I just don't understand...

Even if you (general you) think that you have recruitment figured out and a bid in the bag, why not get recs as a fail-safe?

The company I work for now is where my mom works. Her boss was essentially the person who hired me. I had met him a few times prior to my interview, and we always had great conversations. He told me a year prior when I was still living in northwestern PA (the company's home office is in Jersey) that should I ever decide to move, he would have a job waiting for me.

Guess what I did when I was told I had an interview..... I sent in my resume, brought one with me to the interview, wore a full suit (even though I was told business casual), gave them 2 letters of recommendation, 3 references, and followed it up with a thank you letter.

Nothing in life is guaranteed.

By jumping through the hoops, you show them that you take the opportunity seriously and are willing to do what it takes to get the job.

Recruitment is the same way. Even if you have strong connections to a chapter, you want the whole chapter to know that you take the opportunity to join them seriously. If you don't, there is a strong chance that people in the house are going to look at you and say "Y'all, I just don't think she cares that much about us. She didn't even bother to get a rec for us. She's not serious about joining XYZ. We should let her go because she is going to drop us. There are other women who are serious about XYZ who we need to focus on."

[pinksequins]

ThetaLady-- correction to #2: SOOOOOO SPECIAL : )

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by pinksequins

ThetaLady-- correction to #2: SOOOOOO SPECIAL : )

I agree SOOOOOO completely, Pinksequins!

[DeltaBetaBaby]

But keep in mind, too, that northerners might be getting "WTF, you don't need that" responses from alumnae who they ask.

[HQWest]

Maybe the thing to explain then is "you wanted to go to Alabama to do sonething different right? It is really different! To do your best and have the most choices -you NEED recs there"
I would say that for most SEC schools

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by HQWest

Maybe the thing to explain then is "you wanted to go to Alabama to do sonething different right? It is really different! To do your best and have the most choices -you NEED recs there"
I would say that for most SEC schools

After you say that maybe you could send them some SEC links from this site.

[HQWest]

Maybe the thing to explain then is "you wanted to go to Alabama to do sonething different right? It is really different! To do your best and have the most choices -you NEED recs there"
I would say that for most SEC schools

[OldOleMiss]

oh Thetalady I sooooooo needed that snark this morning!!!! Too wonderful!!!


als463 I am in tears laughing thinking about southern girl coming through Pen Recruitment and ya'll looking at her rec wondering what to do with it-- again another wonderful perspective story on how it must be just as "fish out of water" for a southerner to come up north and rush as a northerner going down south to rush…

KDCat-- THIS!!! Y'all, I just don't think she cares that much about us. She didn't even bother to get a rec for us. She's not serious about joining XYZ. We should let her go because she is going to drop us. There are other women who are serious about XYZ who we need to focus on." This is wonderful!!!! and I think this is what I will pass along to friend after daughter goes to the teas--- "IF she likes them get her a rec to show them"---

Thanks everyone for chiming in on my "vent"--- you've made me more calm over the "situation" of special snowflake!

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by OldOleMiss

Y'all, I just don't think she cares that much about us. She didn't even bother to get a rec for us. She's not serious about joining XYZ. We should let her go because she is going to drop us. There are other women who are serious about XYZ who we need to focus on."

This is EXACTLY what we said about a LOT of PNMs last year at Alabama. Also, we would get general inquiries from girls in, say, the Chicago area, or even Atlanta, saying they couldn't find anybody to write a rec. And I'd look at that and think, "Sugar, you didn't even TRY. There are DGs all over the place there!"

What upsets me is that having a rec is a requirement of membership. Why are chapters ignoring this? This is a case of having it set out in front of you on paper, and maintaining willful ignorance.

I do sympathize with PNMs and moms who don't make the effort. It IS a lot of work, and for introverts like me, very much getting out of the comfort zone to go out and talk to women and ask. It's already hard enough to prepare for going off to college. If you can make things simpler, I'd go for that.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

Whatupsets me is that having a rec is a requirement of membership. Why are chapters ignoring this? This is a case of having it set out in front of you on paper, and maintaining willful ignorance.

.

But does DG explicitly say that on its national or chapter websites? And is a rec a requirement for receiving a bid, or for being initiated?

There's a DG chapter at IUP and there is absolutely NWIH that every girl who gets a bid there has a rec - that is, a rec that the rushee went out and solicited.

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

This is EXACTLY what we said about a LOT of PNMs last year at Alabama. Also, we would get general inquiries from girls in, say, the Chicago area, or even Atlanta, saying they couldn't find anybody to write a rec. And I'd look at that and think, "Sugar, you didn't even TRY. There are DGs all over the place there!"

What upsets me is that having a rec is a requirement of membership. Why are chapters ignoring this? This is a case of having it set out in front of you on paper, and maintaining willful ignorance.

I do sympathize with PNMs and moms who don't make the effort. It IS a lot of work, and for introverts like me, very much getting out of the comfort zone to go out and talk to women and ask. It's already hard enough to prepare for going off to college. If you can make things simpler, I'd go for that.

Forty years ago at a northern, non-Greek-heavy, technical school, we just wrote the recs ourselves for the women we planned to bid if we didn't have an alumna handy to write one. From what I've read here, that may not be permissible any more (I see lots of you saying a collegiate at another chapter may write one for some orgs).

I didn't know spit about rush at big southern schools when DD went to UTexas. I'm so pleased she chose not to rush; I could not have prepared her. Though I was involved in my alumnae chapter, I presume no one mentioned it to me because they figured I knew ...