What to tell overconfident PNMs

[FleurGirl]

Originally Posted by SouthernBelle93

this has been so helpful. I was convinced i wanted to be an ABC because literally all of my friends are, but now i am going to try and go in with the most open mind possible. I would hate to be "that girl." thanks!!

It's so nice to know that some people read and learn from GC!
Great bump too with deferred recruitment coming up in January at some schools.

[KDMafia]

As I was reading this I was also thinking that there can be a different type of over confidence at smaller/deferred rush schools.

Typically what we happen to see is the belief that since rush is small and not as competitive that whole groups of friends can get into the same house and every year Rho Gammas have issues with girls having "pacts" with their friends to place certain houses first.

Of course one year, one girl stuck with the pack and the other two didn't and they ended up in different houses.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by KDMafia

As I was reading this I was also thinking that there can be a different type of over confidence at smaller/deferred rush schools.

Typically what we happen to see is the belief that since rush is small and not as competitive that whole groups of friends can get into the same house and every year Rho Gammas have issues with girls having "pacts" with their friends to place certain houses first.

Of course one year, one girl stuck with the pack and the other two didn't and they ended up in different houses.

Ah, yes... back in the day we called that a "package deal." I remember well one very popular pnm from a Southern California high school. She had a posse of friends going through recruitment with her. She let it be known that if any chapter wanted her, they had to also want all her friends.

It backfired. The entire group ended up bidless. Nobody (in any chapter) liked being bullied.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by AzTheta

Ah, yes... back in the day we called that a "package deal." I remember well one very popular pnm from a Southern California high school. She had a posse of friends going through recruitment with her. She let it be known that if any chapter wanted her, they had to also want all her friends.

It backfired. The entire group ended up bidless. Nobody (in any chapter) liked being bullied.

I had no idea this could happen! Can you imagine having to make the space for several girls? I wonder if some popular PNM has ever pulled this off?

[KDMafia]

I think that is one of the more negative aspects of deferred recruitment. These girls spend a semester together and become super devoted to each other and they are the best friends ever and cannot imagine their life without each other etc etc.

I remember how friendships felt my freshman year and how many of them didn't last because the intensity level is to high to to maintain. Plus you're getting comfortable in a strange environment and once you feel at home it's easier to start to realize some of your friends annoy you or were in reality more convenient than anything.

However, these girls haven't realized this yet. They coming back after there break where they missed their freedom and their friendships and i think the thought of getting split up seems scary.

[FleurGirl]

Originally Posted by KDMafia

I think that is one of the more negative aspects of deferred recruitment. These girls spend a semester together and become super devoted to each other and they are the best friends ever and cannot imagine their life without each other etc etc.

I feel like that's something the PXs should really emphasize during recruitment -- just because you're in different sororities does not mean you can't be friends anymore! Having good friends in different sororities is how you build strong Panhellenic spirit. It's not just a good thing, it's a GREAT thing. I think some PNMs get caught up in the thought that an ABC can't be super good friends with an XYZ, and that's not true at all.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by FleurGirl

I feel like that's something the PXs should really emphasize during recruitment -- just because you're in different sororities does not mean you can't be friends anymore!

THIS.

And... ah yes, the package deals. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Funnily enough, my chapter thought I was a package deal with another PNM because we happened to walk in the door at the same time (local sorority, informal recruitment). I had never met the other PNM before that moment. We each got bids and we each got very involved - but I never got along with her, and haven't spoken to her since graduation.

Hey, if Prize Plum PNM wants to turn down an invitation or bid to XYZ sorority because they didn't issue an invite/bid to one or two of her posse, that's Prize Plum PNM's loss. What if a job candidate were to say, "If you want me to come work for you, you also have to hire Tom, Dick, and Harry" when Tom, Dick, and/or Harry aren't qualified? I'd say, "That's nice - don't call us, we'll call you" and file her resume in the cylindrical file.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by KDMafia

I think that is one of the more negative aspects of deferred recruitment. These girls spend a semester together and become super devoted to each other and they are the best friends ever and cannot imagine their life without each other etc etc.

I remember how friendships felt my freshman year and how many of them didn't last because the intensity level is to high to to maintain. Plus you're getting comfortable in a strange environment and once you feel at home it's easier to start to realize some of your friends annoy you or were in reality more convenient than anything.

However, these girls haven't realized this yet. They coming back after there break where they missed their freedom and their friendships and i think the thought of getting split up seems scary.

This was one positive aspect of spending my whole freshman year with a possessive boyfriend and then going thru rush 1st semester sophomore year. LOL.

The only "package deals" when I was in school were legacies and their friends, and those all worked out fairly decently as the legacies understood the concept of membership selection. I think they got a few like what you originally described after I left, and surprise surprise, those were the girls who didn't do squat, didn't hold offices, etc...jacket sisters in other words.

If anyone would have straight up said "you have to take Shrek to get me" I'm fairly sure we would have told her and Shrek to walk their butts on out of our house. If someone's pullling that sort of power play as a PNM, how obnoxious will they be as an initiated sister??!?

[KDMafia]

I'm trying to figure out how a PNM would broach that with a sorority: "So, you like me? Then take my 4 buddies." I would love to know how that plays out.

I think it's a little bit more obvious from the Rho Gammas point of view but the actives know it's happening. Due to deferred rush we hear a lot about the different "cliques" coming through and which ones are vowing to all join the same one. We did have one girl once say in her pref night that she wanted to be in the same sorority as her roommate. It almost came more out of a sense of concern. He roommate was really shy and she wasn't and I think she knew that her roommate stood a higher chance of getting cut than she did and I don't think she meant it to sound like a demand, just an honest statement. Luckily for her we also liked her roommate but if we didn't I can imagine how that statment might have came across.

[Alumiyum]

Oh, package deals. I hated those. Pledge classes at my school are at the most about 22-24, but usually more like 15-19. Five girls who will not be separated don't have a good chance of getting what they want. No matter how many times we explained that, these little groups would always pop up. But I have to say, I never saw an entire group like that get into the same chapter...and I also never saw a PNM refuse a bid because her friends didn't get in.

We tried so many times to explain that being in different organizations in no way means you can't be friends. Some of my best friends were Chi Os and DGs while I was active. I'd always point that out. But they never believed us...

ETA: I know of several cases of package deals of 2 or 3 girls where 1 or 2 eventually dropped the sorority because they never really felt they fit in there. It's another reason for PNMs to remember they are individuals, not a herd. Just because your BFF is a perfect fit for XYZ doesn't mean you will be...don't join XYZ just because BFF does.

[carnation]

I'm trying to figure out how a PNM would broach that with a sorority: "So, you like me? Then take my 4 buddies." I would love to know how that plays out.

That said, there was a girl who rushed at one of my schools and she was truly the "prize plum" of that year. This being a bed rush, the pledge class sizes were very limited and to the shock of many, a relative of the girl (who normally wouldn't have gotten a bid anywhere, it was felt) ended up in the selective pledge class that Prize Plum was in. I wonder if Relative always felt that on campus:"You're only an Alpha Beta because they had to take you to get Plum."

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by carnation

I'm trying to figure out how a PNM would broach that with a sorority: "So, you like me? Then take my 4 buddies." I would love to know how that plays out.

Carnation, I am willing to bet that you know exactly what those conversations sounded like . Doesn't take much imagination!

Originally Posted by carnation

That said, there was a girl who rushed at one of my schools and she was truly the "prize plum" of that year. This being a bed rush, the pledge class sizes were very limited and to the shock of many, a relative of the girl (who normally wouldn't have gotten a bid anywhere, it was felt) ended up in the selective pledge class that Prize Plum was in. I wonder if Relative always felt that on campus:"You're only an Alpha Beta because they had to take you to get Plum."

Oh yeah, seen that one. And heard the cruel remarks as well, behind Relative's back.

Points to what we say ad nauseum on this site to every PNM who posts here: "find the place where YOU will be happy/find your home, not someone else's" or a variation on that theme.

[BAckbOwlsgIrl]

TWINS

Going along with the package deal, we had twins; Heather and Heidi, going through rush one year. I rushed one of them on the first day. One of the first things she said was how attached to her twin she was, they were roomies, they had done everything together their whole lives and wanted to go to the same house together.

I think that everyone knew they were a package deal, specifically because of the twin issue. It was accepted throughout all the chapters in Rush.
And yes, they did go to the same house, a top tier house. They cut our house.

However, I have heard that some twins have gone to separate houses. I believe that there are a few twins on GC?

Incidentally, we had a twin who was a member of our chapter. Her twin was a member at a school across the country.

The whole twin thing could open up a whole other can of worms.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by BAckbOwlsgIrl

TWINS

Going along with the package deal, we had twins; Heather and Heidi, going through rush one year. I rushed one of them on the first day. One of the first things she said was how attached to her twin she was, they were roomies, they had done everything together their whole lives and wanted to go to the same house together.

I think that everyone knew they were a package deal, specifically because of the twin issue. It was accepted throughout all the chapters in Rush.
And yes, they did go to the same house, a top tier house. They cut our house.

However, I have heard that some twins have gone to separate houses. I believe that there are a few twins on GC?

Incidentally, we had a twin who was a member of our chapter. Her twin was a member at a school across the country.

The whole twin thing could open up a whole other can of worms.

We actually had one twin whose sister was an ADPi. IIRC they deliberately chose to go to different chapters unless they happened to fall in love with the same one. Ours was a gamma rho one year and because she and her twin were almost identical everyone thought she was an ADPi. So when the gamma rhos did their reveal she faked out the PNMs and ran to her sister at ADPi (they were all in on it)...then to us. The PNMs were shocked.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by BAckbOwlsgIrl

TWINS

The whole twin thing could open up a whole other can of worms.

See, there was this thing...