Funny stuff

Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.

"Hey, bud, how are ya?"

"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"

"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!

"No way, how could that be?"

"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!"

"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"

"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"

So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"

The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil sharpener!"

[1908Revelations]

LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN


Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born
without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital
Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him
and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so
much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said
the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they came back
home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said,
"What a cute baby you have.
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."
Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"
"Yes," the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have
20/20 vision. "

"That's great," said Little Johnny, "'cuz he'd be shit-outta-luck if he
needed glasses."

[Tom Earp]

Is this OKAY?

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Costco when
they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my
wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

"The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my
wife too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife
look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue
eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she' s wearing tight white shorts, a halter
top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."