Grad/Professional School - Page 4

AKA_Monet · #1 07-16-2003, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Exquisite5
I truly have great respect for you and your opinion. What I am wondering is, what does marriage have to do with grad school? I ask because, in my undergraduate department almost ALL of the grad students were married- some even had kids. Texas A&M is the #1 grad school for Biological and Agricultural Engineering, so its no easy program, but I can only think of one or two grad students that I knew that weren't married. I speak from experience because I spent a summer doing bio-engineering research and worked very closely with them.

So I guess my question is do you really feel grad school precluded you marrying, or could it be something else? I understand the difficulty in having children, but I really am curious as to why you felt somehow grad school inhibited you marrying? That is what I took the above quoted section to mean, I apologize if I have misunderstood your intent.

I ask also because I plan to get married during law school, as I know many who have, and am wondering if I am missing something.

darling1 couldn't have said it better...

Exquisite5---

While in doctoral or professional school programs, it is extremely difficult to devote the time required to complete the required coursework and graduate, and have the time required to nurture a relationship--most especially if the relationship is not as strong as one had imagine... Can you honestly have utter devotion to your man when you have several papers that need to be edited by the next morning? It can be done, but it's hard to do when you pursue a higher degree... I can go on and on, but I'll leave this one alone.

I did not add this in the original post, but what I wanted to say is that when you are young (under 30) and you see your girlfriends choose family rather than promoting their careers, you may start to wonder, why did I choose this life for me... I went thru that thinking. Then I saw many of those same girlfriends now divorced, fighting for child support, and wishing they had gotten more "marketable" in their career pursuits...

You mentioned that many of your fellow classmates are married with children? How many of those are men? We would like to think that society has changed and the female roles in a family are different from what they were 25 years ago. In some aspects it has.

But, ACADEMIA has not had the kind of accelerated acceptance of female roles in the home as one would anticipate similar to the private sector. There are no family leave, paid vacations or helping your child out when sick while one is in grad school. And how does one fathom paying day care with a graduate school stipends being less that $30K per year? And if you have student loans??? Not happening...

From what my friends tell me who have children day care runs at least $300 per week... And it's been hot in Texas, and I just got out of Dallas right after that little 2 year died who got forgotten in the hot van... So, when that kind of "thing" is going on, does one really want to take on the kinds of responsibilities required to upholding a family AND finishing a higher degree? I know I can admit I was too weak to do that. I have enough stress in my life.

In no way am I saying it is wrong to marry before or while in the middle of grad school. I chose to marry waaaaay after grad school. But I also made this choice knowing that I may be too old to bear children too. That was my choice, though...

Also, I have had many elder women come to me--even my own mother--and tell me that they wish they gotten their own "thangs" together before they got married. Society told them that getting married at such and such a time and date was what proper women do and now they live with some level of regret...

My point is, as time goes on, it will get easier for women to pursue higher degrees whenever they choose. But as it stands now, we still have far to go on the equity standards for pursuing those Masters and Doctorates....

btb87 · #2 07-16-2003, 11:51 AM

Darling1 and Soror AKA Monet, you both have said a mouthful! I agree wholeheartedly!

I've only taken 2 graduate level courses so far on the road to my MS in Counseling, and tried to find a way not to neglect my household while adding yet another thing on my "to do" list. My husband is supportive as well, but of course, they can get jealous when it appears that they're being neglected (school included). It's not easy to find that balance, all the while being able to have some "me" time. What can sometimes happen is that one gets burned out, and maybe doesn't finish grad school.

I have a few reasons for wanting to return to school, after so many years of completing my BS degree. Soror AKA Monet mentioned one of them - there will eventually come a time, IMHO, that you will have to have additional letters after your name. Once upon a time it was fine to just get a BS/BA degree, but now everyone wants that advanced degree, and although you may have the experience, it's usually an advanced degree with less experience that wins the prize. Also, I'm looking out for my future - prayerfully nothing happens to my husband, who earns more than I do, but if something does, I want to be able to provide for myself and my daughter.

Good discussion!

Exquisite5 · #3 07-16-2003, 01:19 PM

Sorors, thank you for your wonderful answers to my question. I truly appreciate it.

Ideally, I plan to get married the summer after my second year in law school so I will only be married and a student for a year. Also, my family will be paying for the wedding, I am so Southern, lol, so I hadn't even thought of that issue, but I do see how that can preclude marriage.

Actually, for me, since my "future hubby" is a Naval Officer it is kind of a financial lift for us to go ahead and get married as he'll get paid more, his allowance for housing will increase and I'll get AMAZING insurance coverage. My medical insurance right now is a grip, like 300 a month. So for both us, since we're not paying for the wedding, it kind of makes since.

But I say all this now as I sit 40 days from entering law school. If I come back to this post 40 days after starting HU's law center I'll probably be saying something totally diff!!

But thank you guys so much, it helps to hear from those who've been there before.

Let me ask this now, those of you in grad school with meaningful relationships/married, how do you nurture your relationship and your education? Do you have any tips for striking the balance?

Thank you so much!

btb87 · #4 07-16-2003, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Exquisite5
Let me ask this now, those of you in grad school with meaningful relationships/married, how do you nurture your relationship and your education? Do you have any tips for striking the balance?

Thank you so much!

Soror, that's a whole 'nother thread! Feel free to IM or PM me. That is an interesting question - I would be interested to hear others' ideas/suggestions!

darling1 · #5 07-16-2003, 04:09 PM

From what I understand, the 2nd year is the toughest year of law school. I can be wrong, LawyerGal if you are around help me out here...

Anyhoo, the way to balance relationships and your professional/academic aspirations is by being honest with yourself and your spouse/significant other. You must also COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE.

Exquisite, does your signficant other fully know what your plans are short and long term? Do you know his? Where do you fit into his plans and how do you fit him into yours? Since you plan on marrying you need to start thinking about that. If you plan on going to marriage counseling(christian counseling) *(which I STRONGLY SUGGEST) you may want to have this conversation or fInd out how best to approach the subject.

My husband and I have had several conversations about what my goals are. He knows that once I am done with my Masters, I would like to look into pursuing another degree..down the line. WHen we initially had that conversation, he was apprehensive because he thought I was automatically thinking about an out of state school and that I wanted him to move, leaving his job. That wasn't the case. He would have not known that if we didn't talk about it.

Some days it can be hard. But you must reassure your mate that you are making the sacrifice for the both of you. Men need tangibles, if I do....., then...will happen. If I bust my hump now, I become more marketable and we can afford a better home.

Many men are very traditional, no matter how much they claim they are progressive. So it is very important that you have this conversation and continue to do so from time to time. It will keep you both on the same page. There will be no room for surprises.

If need be, you must schedule time for your mate. I do that all the time. There is nothing wrong with that except for when you don't stick to it. That means you put all of your books away, and devote your attention to his needs. Turn off the phone, the computer, and close off any other device related to your school work.

You must be patient and stay prayerful. Some days it will be hard. I can't begin to imagine what it will be like as a military wife, but I can assume that will be another dynamic altogether.

CantbeCopied on the Sisternet forum might be a great person to talk to about the military aspect. She is a proud military wife and can give you feed back from that perspective.

I hope what I have said helps. Feel free to e-mail if you need.

Quote:

Originally posted by Exquisite5
Sorors, thank you for your wonderful answers to my question. I truly appreciate it.

Ideally, I plan to get married the summer after my second year in law school so I will only be married and a student for a year. Also, my family will be paying for the wedding, I am so Southern, lol, so I hadn't even thought of that issue, but I do see how that can preclude marriage.

Actually, for me, since my "future hubby" is a Naval Officer it is kind of a financial lift for us to go ahead and get married as he'll get paid more, his allowance for housing will increase and I'll get AMAZING insurance coverage. My medical insurance right now is a grip, like 300 a month. So for both us, since we're not paying for the wedding, it kind of makes since.

But I say all this now as I sit 40 days from entering law school. If I come back to this post 40 days after starting HU's law center I'll probably be saying something totally diff!!

But thank you guys so much, it helps to hear from those who've been there before.

Let me ask this now, those of you in grad school with meaningful relationships/married, how do you nurture your relationship and your education? Do you have any tips for striking the balance?

Thank you so much!

FeeFee · #6 07-16-2003, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Exquisite5

Let me ask this now, those of you in grad school with meaningful relationships/married, how do you nurture your relationship and your education? Do you have any tips for striking the balance?

Thank you so much!

As I'm attempting to attend grad school hopefully this fall and being engaged, I'm constantly asking myself this very question. Right now, the only thing that is making me not feel so anxious is the fact that future Mr. FeeFee is planning to return to law school, so that means that at some point we will be attending school at the same time. We both know that getting our advanced degrees will only help us with our future plans and we are looking at the bigger picture.

Lady2000 · #7 07-21-2003, 12:06 PM

There is a new book out entitled The Black Student's Guide to Graduate and Professional School Success by Vernon L. Farmer. It was just released this year and it is an excellent resource for anyone considering post undergrad work! Hope this helps!

AKA_Monet · #8 07-21-2003, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Exquisite5
Let me ask this now, those of you in grad school with meaningful relationships/married, how do you nurture your relationship and your education? Do you have any tips for striking the balance?

I would be unable to tell you anything about a maritial relationship... But I can tell you about bad relationships while you are in grad school... Since you are beyond a "dating" only relationship with your beau, then it would be pointless for me to say anything. However, I agree what has been said before and that is COMMUNICATE often and frequently.

Moreover, you will have stretches of time during some months that you will have weekends off. That is when you set up your "date nights". Initially, you have plenty of time, but as you progress in school, you won't have any kind of time that it use to be... So if your husband is an ultra-professional and has many formal events to attend, you will have to find a way to bow out of those commitments... Just too much stuff to do...

The best I can do is invest in a good palm pilot!!! Ideally one that does not crash... And tell your husband it would be a great time for him to be sweet, such as, investing in massages and bring your food over or cooking dinner... It'll suck for the next 4 years, but in the grand scheme, what's four years for a lifetime of commitment...

-

darling1 · #9 09-16-2006, 10:35 PM

how time flies and how life circumstances change......

blueGBI · #10 09-16-2006, 11:19 PM

I've been reading over this thread and it has been a help. I just graduated from college but I want to go back to school for my MSW. Right now, to make sure I actually want to stay in this field and work with kids, I'm doing TSS work in the Philadelphia school district. Are there any other people who are going back/have done a MSW?

NiaX · #11 09-17-2006, 02:13 AM

Wow... all the tips.... very interesting. Well, I would like to hear from those that were getting a Masters in a science field. Nothing wrong with Law, or Public Policy.... I am getting myself prepped for a Masters in Cosmetic Science.

neosoul · #12 09-18-2006, 05:38 PM

I'm getting a MSc in Health Care Management, and it's fun...

pinkies up · #13 09-18-2006, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NiaX

I am getting myself prepped for a Masters in Cosmetic Science.

Are you going to the University of Cincinatti for your Master's degree?

mariet58 · #14 09-24-2006, 01:32 AM

Greetings BlueGI, I understand your concern and would encourage you to return to school and begin working on your MSW. I'm in the graduate MSW program at the University of Cincinnati and loving every minute of it. As a mature student having received my undergraduate degreee in 1980, I waited to gain experience in the work force. Little did I know that many years later in order to get a promotion having a graduate degree is essential. Do not delay.

CherryPepsi · #15 09-29-2006, 12:52 PM

BlueGBI could you please email me ???

I am from PA too and a TSS and thinking about getting a MSW, but I have another career in mind.
Mariet I am going to need your help to. Matter fact anybody who is thinking about or have obtained their MSW email me pleeeease.

I cannot decide what I want to go back for.

Thnx in advance