Life is still going after break-up

Curiousgirl · #1 12-02-2001, 12:41 PM

Many guys/gals have break-up with their "ex". And then had/having hard time with broken heart.
I had this experience too. Just want to share with you and telling you that one truth. No matter how you are being, pls think +ve. The world is still going. You may have another one who is better in your future life. Nothing is impossible. I am not saying that you will really get one better in 100% sure, but you sure will get one better if you can think and are being +ve in your life.
Don't give up!!!!!!!!!

Eirene_DGP · #2 12-02-2001, 12:54 PM

Thanks for the insight. I have been through that a couple of times. Actually, I am with a guy now and the relationship is about to end even though I would like for it to continue. He is graduating on the 16th and since he does not have his work visa to stay over here he is moving in with one of his fraternity brothers. The only problem is he lives in NY and I live in SC. My boyfriend is upset with me because I don't want to get married so he can stay over here, but I am only a second semester junior and I would rather wait until after I get my degree to get married. It is quite stressful, but I just put that on the back burner because I know I have finals.

In any situation, just remember that you do have people who love and care for you. I am truly blessed with friends that I can really count on.

Moochagoo · #3 12-02-2001, 01:42 PM

There are no rules in love and if you've tried your best, TRY to let go.
Unfortunately this is not a perfect world. bad things happen to "good" people all the time.
This world is beautiful and yet ugly. The dreams we have are sweet and yet bitter. That is what this world is.
However, we live our lives the way we want and to our hearts' command.
What matters is not what is out there waiting for you but rather what is there in your heart that is yearning for.
Very often we do not seems to distinguish between what the heart wants and what we think is out there for us.
But again, we are human and human do make mistakes.
You probably did, he did, and maybe so are we now.

volgirl2376 · #4 12-02-2001, 02:07 PM

Ahh...this is such a weird topic for me, considering the idea of trying to move on is on my mind a lot recently.
Last Christmas Eve my boyfriend of 2 years emails me and tells me he had been dating a girl who lives in his dorm for the last 5 months and how he really wants to be with her because she is one in a million. The same girl he swore all along was just a friend, and would get angry with me when I would ask him about why she would call him at my house. I was completely devastated and still am....it took me almost 4 months before I could even tell anyone without bursting into tears. Nothing anyone including myself can do or say that will prevent me from not taking this completely personal. What he did/said to me makes my self esteem disappear and sometimes makes me feel completely worthless, unattractive, undesireable, and unwanted. Im now scared to date...scared to give my heart to anyone. I feel crippled by this breakup - almost a year later...its not so much that I want him back, I guess the way the breakup occured...was very traumatizing. There has only been one other occurance like this...in 96...and almost 6 years later I still miss him. I dont really have a question...just maybe saying how its hard to move on and get on with your life...its hard to trust people again...and its hard to forget

KABillyMac · #5 12-02-2001, 03:52 PM

This is like week 4 of my breakup and I just want to say that it sucks. The only bright spot of the whole thing has been our intiation Saturday, where my grand little intiated. The rest of it has been sleepless nights, self reflection, and just plain old bunch of lonliness. Hell, she didnt even call to say Happy Thanksgiving. Thats about the morst hurtful thing that I think has ever happend. to me. I come home in the afternoon and rush to the answering machine to see if she called. I just dont know about it all now. I just wish my life would go back to the way it was.

Sorry, little emotional riff there.

shultzz · #6 12-02-2001, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KABillyMac
This is like week 4 of my breakup and I just want to say that it sucks. The only bright spot of the whole thing has been our intiation Saturday, where my grand little intiated. The rest of it has been sleepless nights, self reflection, and just plain old bunch of lonliness. Hell, she didnt even call to say Happy Thanksgiving. Thats about the morst hurtful thing that I think has ever happend. to me. I come home in the afternoon and rush to the answering machine to see if she called. I just dont know about it all now. I just wish my life would go back to the way it was.

Sorry, little emotional riff there.

You should have sex with curiousgirl.. It will help the both of you move on with your lives..

aggieAXO · #7 12-02-2001, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by volgirl2376
Ahh...this is such a weird topic for me, considering the idea of trying to move on is on my mind a lot recently.
Last Christmas Eve my boyfriend of 2 years emails me and tells me he had been dating a girl who lives in his dorm for the last 5 months and how he really wants to be with her because she is one in a million. The same girl he swore all along was just a friend, and would get angry with me when I would ask him about why she would call him at my house. I was completely devastated and still am....it took me almost 4 months before I could even tell anyone without bursting into tears. Nothing anyone including myself can do or say that will prevent me from not taking this completely personal. What he did/said to me makes my self esteem disappear and sometimes makes me feel completely worthless, unattractive, undesireable, and unwanted. Im now scared to date...scared to give my heart to anyone. I feel crippled by this breakup - almost a year later...its not so much that I want him back, I guess the way the breakup occured...was very traumatizing. There has only been one other occurance like this...in 96...and almost 6 years later I still miss him. I dont really have a question...just maybe saying how its hard to move on and get on with your life...its hard to trust people again...and its hard to forget

Volgirl I am so sorry about your break-up and can only say I wish you the best. Have you tried counceling/therapy?? This may help.

KABillyMac · #8 12-02-2001, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by shultzz

You should have sex with curiousgirl.. It will help the both of you move on with your lives..

You should get in line to kiss my ass. It will help you get on with the rest of your day.

#9 12-02-2001, 06:07 PM

Billy and everyone else going through this right now--I hope things get better for you all soon!

It's been almost two months since my breakup, but I think I'm doing just fine (enter Boyz II Men's "I'm doing just fine" song here). I can't remember when I was ever this happy! What got me through it was the support of my sisters and my non-Greek friends.

One thing that I realized when I was down in the dumps was that things could only get better since I had hit rock bottom. Sure enough, life keeps on getting better every day. I hope this can be the same for you!

aephi alum · #10 12-02-2001, 06:55 PM

When I broke up with my first "serious" boyfriend, a friend of mine told me that you should take the amount of time you've been together, and divide that in half, and that's the amount of time it will take for you to truly put your ex behind you.

Now, maybe she was just telling me this because my ex and I had been together for 4 months, and this was 2 months later

but you know what... she was right. It was a couple of weeks later that I realized I was really over the "evil ex", and a couple of weeks after that, I met my husband.

At any rate, it was very cathartic for me when I scanned in the photo of him and me at my sorority's formal (best photo I had of me at the time) and oh-so-carefully snipped his face out using Photoshop <g>

You need to "mourn" the failed relationship for a time - especially if it was your first serious one. You need to eat the pint of Ben and Jerry's (I recommend chocolate chip cookie dough) and cry on your best friend's shoulder and listen to sad songs. But life goes on, and so must you.

To everyone getting over a breakup - hang in there. It *does* get better. "Remember, it's always darkest just before they turn on the lights."

IowaHawkeye · #11 12-02-2001, 07:23 PM

one of the greatest things i've ever picked up from Oprah and Dr. Phil (god i love them!!!!) is that there is a difference in the mourning process. If you sit around and wonder what happened/what you could have done to change things/try to change yourself and your behavior b/c of this one person - youre going to be missing them and trying to put them behind you for a long ass time.

now if you take one day, and really try to say, today i'm going to get out of bed, shower, get dressed, and go from there - youre already making progress. don't worry about what's behind you - thinking about the coulda/shoulda/woulda's can mean total self esteem destruction. each day gets better than the one before it - and pretty soon you will start having great days again.

but - people mourn the loss of relationships in different ways - what works for me may not work for you. Some people need to bitch and moan with a bunch of girlfriends and a few quarts of Ben and jerrys, others need a day of peaceful reflection, and still others need to curl up in bed and cry (anyone See the Will and Grace when Nathan said no to Grace's proposal - thats what i'm talking about - mourn your way or else you may carry it with you forever!)

ChiOqt · #12 12-02-2001, 08:45 PM

Break-ups are a tough situation. I got out of a two year relationship that became long distance when we went to different colleges! It takes a while, but I found that having my friends and being able to talk to all my sister about it made it sooo much easier. Most of them had been through or were going through the same thing. It always helps to have someone that can relate to what's going on. Also, once you're ready having someone else that you like and is fun to hang out with...even date...really helps to clear the mind! Just try not to sit and dwell on everything. Everyone will find someone as good as they deserve! This sounds cliche, but it really does take time. We all go through this! Just make sure you still have fun to take your mind off it all!

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..."to be womanly always, discouraged never..."