Men and Marriage

[Kimmie1913]

OOOOP-ROOOO to my Bruhs!

This is a question for all the brothers out there (Greek or not).
This was sent to me by a friend. I want amale opinion of the advice in the message. Women talk about marriage and what the deal with men is all the time. (When I searched GC with the term marriage most of the topics were on Sororities forums and most of those were BGLO's!) So what do the fellas think?

"Men and Marriage: Don't Fool Yourself, It's Not That
Complicated. Last week we threw a bachelor party
for one of our good friends and then on Saturday
afternoon we stood beside him in our tuxes while he
and his fiance' said their vows. As I stood up there
looking across the crowd, I decided that our next
topic on this page would definitely talk about
marriage. I also realized that alot of women may not
want to hear the truth about men and marriage because the truth is
so simple that they could not accept it without
questioning their own relationship. But I am here to
tell you - DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT
COMPLICATED.

The sad thing about it is that it took a woman to
bring it to my attention. I had a close friend of
mine tell me that she was persuing a stable man with a
girlfriend. When I asked her did she feel wrong about
that she said "Shyt,a girlfriend ain't nothin -
girlfriends come and go. If the nigga is established
and he isn't either married or engaged, then he is not
that serious about her and he is fair game" I thought
about this for a minute and came to a cold conclusion:
IF A MAN IS STABLE IN LIFE AND HE IS IN A
RELATIONSHIP AND NOT MARRIED, THEN IT IS BECAUSE HE IS
NOT SURE ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT HE IS WITH. He is not
willing to commit to her and constantly has his eye
open for something better or is waiting for her to
become something better. Point blank. When he finds a
woman that he is satisfied with, he will make her his
wife.

And ladies, sorry to tell some of you, but it doesn't
take 4 or 5 years for that man to figure it out. It
doesn't take 2 or 3 years either. The only reason
that a man will get married after that long of a time
is because he's tired of looking for something better.
And trust me, that's definately what he was doing all
of those years.

So if you should happen to find yourself in one of
those "long term" relationships then maybe you should
step back, take a look at yourself and wonder what it
is that you're missing that this man is not willing to
fully commit. Don't make excuses to yourself and your
girlfriends saying things like "Oh he's waiting til he
gets a better job" or "he's waiting to finish school"
or "he's waiting until he moves from his apartment
to a house".

DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED. Which
one of those things can't be done with a wife or
fiance' by your side?

So ladies, when you read this think about your
situation and that man that you are living with. Or
the one that you spend many nights over his house or
him over yours. Think about your baby's father that
you are still in a sexual relationship with. Think about your
"ex" that you are in a sexual relationship with. Think
about your "boyfriend". And definately think twice
before you brag on a relationship that's a couple of
years long and you still have no commitment. Like I've
said before, I'm a man and I know the situation. I've
been there and I know that we can come up with some
extremely reasonable excuses, but.....DON'T FOOL
YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED."

[novella000]

Thanks! I needed that.
I felt like isht the entire time I read it... but it's true.

VERY VERY VERY TRUE.

[DoggyStyle82]

Unfortunately, too much of that is right. It really does not take an "established" man (one with a stable job and material possessions) long to know if a woman is right for him. He will know within 6mths and committ within 2 years. Unless its mutual that you keep the present arangements.

[the411]

Originally posted by Kimmie1913
"IF A MAN IS STABLE IN LIFE AND HE IS IN A
RELATIONSHIP AND NOT MARRIED, THEN IT IS BECAUSE HE IS
NOT SURE ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT HE IS WITH. He is not
willing to commit to her and constantly has his eye
open for something better or is waiting for her to
become something better. Point blank. When he finds a
woman that he is satisfied with, he will make her his
wife.

And ladies, sorry to tell some of you, but it doesn't
take 4 or 5 years for that man to figure it out. It
doesn't take 2 or 3 years either. The only reason
that a man will get married after that long of a time
is because he's tired of looking for something better.
And trust me, that's definately what he was doing all
of those years."

First of all, let me make it known that I am not currently in a relationship. However, I've been the apple of many a man's eye who was in a relationship in which they claimed to not be completely happy and/or fulfilled. Over a year ago, I fell deeply in love with a man who'd been in his relationship for 4 years; let him tell it, he was miserable, but felt obligated to stay because of ol' girl's "issues." We went up and down for months until she got pregnant. Knowing how he feels about being married to his children's mother (this would have been his 1st kid), I knew he'd marry her, so we broke it off. Well, she ended up having a miscarriage, which made him want to "chill out" on making wedding plans. She was devestated that he didn't want to still get married, so he ended up marrying her out of guilt, even though he wasn't ready. This same man claims to love me and see me as "perfect for him." He even called me on his wedding day to tell me that he loved me and needed me in his life! But, for me, love is 100% ACTION not FEELING; You SHOW love, not feel it. And since he couldn't SHOW me that he loved ME, he and I are no longer communicating. We tried the "just friends" thing, but it couldn't work for me--the feelings run way too deep, for one thing; but, I couldn't stand settling for crumbs, especially when I keep hearing how unhappy he is in his marriage.

So, I ask this:

Why do men stay in those unhappy, unfulfilling relationships when they DO find that better woman? I understand the "because of the children" excuse, but what about those guys who don't have biological ties with their women? Why is it that some men will sacrifice their own happines and peace of mind just to avoid hurting a woman they aren't in love with or fulfilled by? Isn't that unfair to their woman? Doesn't she deserve to be with a man who really loves her AND wants to be with her? Likewise, doesn't he deserve marital bliss? So, what kind of man passes up true love and compatibility just to keep from breaking his girl's heart-- a girl he isn't in love with and never wanted to marry? I don't get it!!!

[Desirous1913]

Avantgarde avantgarde Bruhs, I need your advice on this topic. I have been having a long distance relationship with a brother I went to school with. In school he always professed his love and admiration for me. He received no encouragement. After graduation we started talking. I am in love with the brother. Now I feel as if he is playing with my heartstrings. Since we live in different states, I cant say who he sees on a daily basis. Although him and his daughters mothers live in the same town. We have talked marriage, but he never follows through on his words.

He constantly lies about everything, but my heart is caught up. What can I do?