Sweethearts wearing letters?

[kappahockey]

the general rule we use is that if u let someone wear our letter you trust that they aren't going to disrespect us if you feel they might then you wont give them your letters.

[DeltAlum]

Way back when -- there were no strong prohibitions against wearing letters, but only initiated members could wear or display the Fraternity Crest. There was nothing magic about the Greek alphabet, but the crest or coat-of-arms contain secret symbols.

That's why people were allowed to be lavalliered or pinned, and why tee's or sweatshirts could be made with multiple letters for things like Homecoming or "teas" (what we sometimes called mixers where alcohol was present.)

[thetagammachica]

Well here.... sweethearts were letters as well as those laveliered. If you aren't one of those 2 or in the chapter you can't. And only iniated sisters can wear our crest except our mothers.... because we can pin them with our crest

[MysticCat]

It seems to me that this is one of those things that can vary from group to group. This issue caused quite a discussion in Phi Mu Alpha a few years back. The general rule for us is that only initiated brothers wear our letters, although some chapters may not be as strict about this as others. One result of the discussion a few years ago: lavaliers of our letters are no longer available.

The general rule that only initiated brothers wear our letters would not prevent having tee shirts with the letters of numerous groups on them.

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by MysticCat81
The general rule that only initiated brothers wear our letters would not prevent having tee shirts with the letters of numerous groups on them.

That seems contradictory to me, but as long as it works for you, that's great.

[Ohsass]

This very thing came up last night. I was lavaliered in the early 80's and did marry my DTD :-) We have been happily married for 21 years. The subject came up because as the spouse of a chapter advisor, I told a lavaliered gf that she was not allowed to wear his letters. She was wearing his sweatshirt. She bristled quite loudly that she was lavaliered and that meant it was ok to wear his letters at any time and basically what nerve I had. To clarify if things have just changed that dramatically over the years, I also spoke to a family member who was womens panhel pres recently at her university. She said although it was not a concrete rule it was understood that it was a huge social faux pas to wear,(especially in public) letters that were not your own. Jewelry did not apply. Further, the brothers and sisters would have had a fit to see their letters so casually worn.

In my opinion, the charm on a necklace stood, and should still stand, as a sign of a committed relationship and a sign that the girl is spoken for so to speak. But this girl did not, nor have I to this day, earned the right to wear the letters of DTD. As a little sister, we had our own sweatshirts but "L'il Sis" was embroidered clearly down one sleeve. We also worked our tails off with the guys in philanthropy etc..

Whether you are pinned or lavaliered, you do not come before the fraternity, you are not a member of the fraternity, you do not have the right to learn the rituals, shake or secrets of that fraternity. In my opinion, unless guys or sorority girls as well, stress ownership and pride in the honor that being a Delt or whatever should stand for..they hurt their house and recruitment. What makes your house or group special and exclusive if anyone can wear your letters? Why bother rushing?

[Ohsass]

Having re-read this thread a few times, it seems to me that the whole subject of "Display of Symbols" should be addressed not by individual chapters or schools but by each national fraternity organization. Better yet, perhaps the Inter-Fraternity councils or National Pan-Hellenic could come up with one set guideline to be followed by all?

To clarify my previous post, we also had mixer t-shirts and sweatshirts for football etc...and that was viewed differently. If you were a girl wearing the shirt, you belonged to the sorority on your shirt and vice a versa for the fraternity. If you tried to get away with wearing letters that weren't your own, folks knew it and called you out for it big time especially at a party. Hey, you didn't pay for the beer and food after all.

Originally Posted by Ohsass

Better yet, perhaps the Inter-Fraternity councils or National Pan-Hellenic could come up with one set guideline to be followed by all?

I disagree with this.

While having NPC unanimous agreements regarding recruitment and membership-related issues are great, I don't think it'd be a good idea to have an umbrella organization dictate who can or cannot wear letters. That should be totally left up to the individual organization.

And btw, because I'm a nitpicker...if you're talking NPC, it's Panhellenic. Pan-Hellenic often refers to the Divine 9 -- the 9 historically Black Greek Lettered Organizations. It's funny how a - and H can totally mean something else.

[SxyLambdaLady6]

I would not let anyone wear my letters, not even touch them. I was the one that earned my letters not them. When I crossed I learned that you never touch anyone elses letters, tikis, nothing like that because it meant disrespect. If you were a minority greek you would understand that but if you weren't and you touched someones letters it wasn't a big deal but if you did know about it some people would get mad if you touched their letters. To some people they don't care as much but you never know so you just don't do it.

When minority greeks say that they "earned" their letters, it def does not mean that they had to be hazed....it just means that they had a "meaningful" process....not making pledges bingedrink for weeks like some other greeks do...and also greeks say they earned their letters when they are paper. not saying im trying to offend anyone thats paper. what counts is how much you contribute to your chapter in the long run.

[DeltAlum]

Originally Posted by Ohsass

This very thing came up last night. I was lavaliered in the early 80's and did marry my DTD :-) We have been happily married for 21 years.

Clearly, a woman of exceptional taste. Congratulations to you and my Brother Delt.

[fantASTic]

Ohsass: That makes sense. But then would it be okay for a lavaliered woman to have "Girlfriend" or something written on the sleeve, or under letters?

I'm not trying to be controversial, just to see exactly what you feel is okay and not okay, so don't think I'm picking a fight!

[Ohsass]

this is complicated isn't it? Well, let's see, I'd say no, with one exception....if the fraternity as a whole has agreed that it is something they give to all girls who are lavaliered. The difference is that the whole fraternity is giving their approval as in a sweetheart- see the difference?

[Ohsass]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

Ohsass: That makes sense. But then would it be okay for a lavaliered woman to have "Girlfriend" or something written on the sleeve, or under letters?

I'm not trying to be controversial, just to see exactly what you feel is okay and not okay, so don't think I'm picking a fight!

Not a problem, I don't ruffle easily :-) So let's see, I'd say my answer is no with one exception and this is the key here...only if the whole fraternity has agreed to make it a practice and it was officially approved. It comes back down to one individual taking it upon themselves to decide what the whole group should accept with no say in the matter.

[Corsulian]

Our sweethearts can (embroidered letters). It is generally accepted that they should only do so on very special occasions because while we allow it, we don't like to allow it very often. We also have only had three sweethearts ever--it's a big deal, not just another girl every year.

Regarding the other topics, we vote on sweetheart as well as giving a brother the right to lavalier a girl. If they break up, he has to swallow it [the lavalier].

[IHeartDDD]

I was sweetheart @ my school and I either wore the letters the boys gave me OR a pin they gave me every single day, even before I wore my own letters. But that is because I loved my boys that much