Senusret I needs advice

Senusret I · #1 10-20-2007, 09:21 PM

He's the sitch:

Former love is coming to town for a business trip. Seems to want to meet up for coffee or dinner or something.

Not sure that I want to see him.

I don't want to be a bitch and say "I still have feelings for you and I think seeing you will complicate things."

But then, that's the truth.

I kinda think I will tell him that. Should I?

I REALLY don't need this right now.

Help.

knight_shadow · #2 10-20-2007, 09:48 PM

I usually don't respond to personal questions on this board since I don't really know everyone, but I'm sitting at work with nothing to do so thought I'd chime in...

Based on your messages that I see on here, it seems like you're a pretty blunt/straight forward person. I'm sure he would remember you as being such (if that's the way you are IRL) so telling him flat out "there's still something there so i don't really want to see you" wouldn't seem out of character.

In my own personal experiences (and I'm a very blunt person myself), people that I don't really want to see will be "hurt" for a little bit, but end up appreciating it more later on since I didn't string them along.

Again, I'm just basing this off of what I see about you on GC so I could be way off base, haha. Just thought I'd give my 2 cents.

Senusret I · #3 10-20-2007, 09:56 PM

Thanks for the advice.

You're pretty spot-on in this case.

I actually handled it slightly differently. Since we were texting, I ended up telling him "I don't think that's going to work for me. Maybe I'll just catch you next time."

I COULD have said what I wanted to in the original post, but after consulting with a friend on the phone, I realized that would only make ME feel better.

When it comes to him, I need to be as uncomplicated as possible. Brushing him off was the best way to be uncomplicated.

Bottom line -- he's not that into me and he won't be. Seeing him is not going to change things. C'est la vie.

LatinaAlumna · #4 10-20-2007, 11:03 PM

I think you handled it well--brief and polite.

I don't know the details of your relationship, but it's been my observation (in my own life and the lives of others) that when exes want to come around, it's usually because they want to manipulate you. Some people think that if they "throw you a bone" every now and then, they will keep you interested *just in case* they ever decide they want you back. It's not right, and I admit that I've been on both sides of this coin.

Senusret I · #5 10-20-2007, 11:19 PM

Thanks!

And you're right. In this case, because we haven't seen each other in two years, it's really hard to say what he really wanted. But I had to be honest with myself and LISTEN to his words and his actions.

Now I have this OTHER love.... I call him "the great love of my life so far" LOL.... he is a prime example of what you describe. We went on and off for three years -- THREE YEARS -- before I realized he was just throwing me bones because he liked how I treated him.

He and I are very good friends now and when we tell each other "I love you" we mean it. But happy endings like that are rare and I realize that me and the ex from the original post are not going to have (nor should we have) that kind of relationship.

LatinaAlumna · #6 10-20-2007, 11:31 PM

^Yes, rare is the ex that you can *truly* be friends with. I would say I have one...maybe two such exes who I can confidently say do not have an ulterior motive when they contact me (and vice versa), and it's nice!

"the great love of my life so far" - I love that!

How much trouble would one get into by telling a significant other, "You are the great love of my life...so far!" ??

AKA_Monet · #7 10-21-2007, 12:00 AM

Senusret,

He will know how to push your buttons to "turn you on" making you wanting more.

I would have a "no contact order". But that's how I operated.

Do you have to be nice to him? Just asking?

AlphaFrog · #8 10-21-2007, 02:43 AM

Alright, here's your solution: Turn straight and marry me. I'll commute to DC every first and third weekend, you commute to Charlotte every second and forth weekend. On months with a fifth weekend, we'll meet at a hotel in Raleigh and see where it leads us.

Husband? Oh yeah, I'd totally leave him for you because you're TEH HOT.

Senusret I · #9 10-21-2007, 08:40 AM

^^^^LMAO!!!!

Duly noted. But the fifth weekend will have to be more "destination"y....like Vegas or Niagra Falls or some such.

AlphaFrog · #10 10-21-2007, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senusret I

But the fifth weekend will have to be more "destination"y....like Vegas or Niagra Falls or some such.

See, I like the way you think. I vote our first destination is either NYC or Vale.

Senusret I · #11 10-22-2007, 05:45 PM

Ugh.... he texted me again asking to meet with me, "for just even 20 minutes." I had to again tell him "Like I said before, I just really don't think this is a good time." I explained that over the phone.

Then he was like "Okay. Just wanted to reach out. Talk to you later." click.... playing the victim was the kinda tone he had.

But in retrospect.... like, if I hadn't called him that one fateful day the other month, he wouldn't have even had my number. So he would have been in DC with NO regard to seeing me. (And no, I don't know why I called him in the first place! We had a regular, email every now and then type of relationship. No ill feelings. I should have been able to call him without extra emotional BS.)

He was SO famous for this manipulative bullshit before. I don't feel bad at all. Well, I do feel bad that he's still a jerk and I still like him, but I am happy that I stayed firm.

LatinaAlumna · #12 10-22-2007, 06:59 PM

Good for you. It's hard to do, but you'll thank yourself later that you didn't give in.

tld221 · #13 10-30-2007, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Alright, here's your solution: Turn straight and marry me. I'll commute to DC every first and third weekend, you commute to Charlotte every second and forth weekend. On months with a fifth weekend, we'll meet at a hotel in Raleigh and see where it leads us.

Husband? Oh yeah, I'd totally leave him for you because you're TEH HOT.

ill actually get in on that occasional 5th weekend... kthxbye.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Ugh.... he texted me again asking to meet with me, "for just even 20 minutes."

shoot, if all he needed is 20 minutes, either you got that stuff or he doesnt. heehee