Can Men and Women Be Truly Just Friends?

[SummerChild]

Can men and women be truly just friends?

I ask b/c I was reading another thread and it struck me that the few guys who are in my friend circle approached me, I declined and *THEN* we later became friends. Are there any genuinely true male-female friendships out there in which there was never a romantic (or potential romantic) aspect to the relationship?

Is it possible? genetically?

[enigma_AKA]

Originally posted by SummerChild
Can men and women be truly just friends?

I ask b/c I was reading another thread and it struck me that the few guys who are in my friend circle approached me, I declined and *THEN* we later became friends. Are there any genuinely true male-female friendships out there in which there was never a romantic (or potential romantic) aspect to the relationship?

Is it possible? genetically?

LOL @ genetically. You sound like Harry a la 'When Harry met Sally'.

I think so. Maybe it's because I'm younger or because I've gotten wiser, but I have quite a few male friends who were never interests (neither interested in me nor me them). Is there potential? Yes, but I think we have reached the point where it's a true comradery (sp?). I set them up on dates; they hook with up with friends, etc. No drama--at least not yet.

This, however, is not the case with every guy friend I have--sad to say, but true. And I'm working on getting it back to a pure platonic relationship. Wish me luck!

enigma_AKA

[jubilance1922]

Men and women can't be friends. The sex part always gets in the way.

Yes, its from "When Harry Met Sally', but in 90% of all cases, its true.

[Dionysus]

I have more guy friends than girl friends. It's been that way for most of my life. Only two of them asked me for some a$$.

[enigma_AKA]

Originally posted by Dionysus
I have more guy friends than girl friends. It's been that way for most of my life. Only two of them asked me for some a$$.

Only two? What's wrong with you?

Just kidding, seriously. Why more male friends, though, if you don't mind me asking...?

enigma_AKA

[Dionysus]

Originally posted by enigma_AKA
Only two? What's wrong with you?

Just kidding, seriously. Why more male friends, though, if you don't mind me asking...?

enigma_AKA

I guess it's because, I'm almost always seen as "one of the guys".

Why more male friends? We just seem to bond better. I find it pretty difficult to get close to girls, and to keep close if we do so.

[SKEEphistAKAte]

My answer is No, men and women can't just be friends. At some point during the friendship one of the two will develop romantic/sexual feelings for the other (no matter how fleeting). I think many times the two CHOOSE not to ACT on them, but the feelings are there at some point during the friendship, even if for a short amount of time.

("You" speaking hypothetically) Also, you may not have had feelings for him, and he never told you he had those feelings for you (prolly because you were snoting all over his shoulder about how much you loved Mr. Wrong at the time) but I guarantee you he has had them (ONE of you had them)

[PerfectVerse06]

No ma'am!!

I hate to say it, but I don't think men and women can just be friends.

A guy once told me that there is no such thing as male/female platonic relationships because the guy is just waiting for his chance to get some. Instead of taking the easy approach and just asking a woman out, he plays like he wants to just be pals and THEN, once a friendship is established, he will try make the relationship into something more.

I've experienced this far too many times to know this.

Oh wait, there is an istance where men and women can just be friends...it's when the man is gay!

[Dionysus]

I don't remember befriending any guys who I was repulsed by. I was either attracted to them, or I felt neutral, but never flat out unattracted.

I do agree that there's usually at least a little sexual tension between guy and girl friends, but I don't think we have to LIKE each other.

[Rain Man]

Yes, they can

IF AND ONLY IF the friendship is at arms length. Lemme explain:

If a man and a woman see each other only on occasion and are cautious not to show each other all their business (read: their most personal and intimate parts of their souls), then yes, they can stay friends. But once that line is crossed, a soul tie develops and either one party or the other is going to want more out of the relationship and that is where the trouble comes in. Because men naturally start to develop an "attraction" toward the woman or vice versa.

Two ways to prevent this from happening: one, don't let the other party know all your business. Know what to express to your friend and what to keep to yourself. Two, go out together with a group of mutual friends. That way, the focus is not on the two of you, and there is less pressure and incentive to "bare your souls".

And I speak from years of experience on this one, so trust me.

ETA: A lot of the women I was involved with who wanted to be "just friends" with me were a bunch of spiritual and emotional freeloaders who wanted the security and benefits of being in a relationship without the committment required to maintain one. I do not waste my time with those types. If a woman says, "Let's just be friends", I say, "HECK NAW" and get outta dodge.

They ain't about to cry on my shoulder and keep me awake until 3 and 4 in the morning telling me sob stories about how some thug kicked them to the curb after they got f[rea]ked and chucked by them. As they say, "Save the drama for your mama".

Keep your distance from the opposite sex unless and until the romantic feelings you have are mutual. It saves everyone a whole lotta mess.

[southernelle25]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

ETA: A lot of the women I was involved with who wanted to be "just friends" with me were a bunch of spiritual and emotional freeloaders who wanted the security and benefits of being in a relationship without the committment required to maintain one. I do not waste my time with those types. If a woman says, "Let's just be friends", I say, "HECK NAW" and get outta dodge.

They ain't about to cry on my shoulder and keep me awake until 3 and 4 in the morning telling me sob stories about how some thug kicked them to the curb after they got f[rea]ked and chucked by them. As they say, "Save the drama for your mama".

Isn't that what friends do, provide a shoulder for the other to unload all this "drama"?

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by southernelle25

Isn't that what friends do, provide a shoulder for the other to unload all this "drama"?

I feel what Rain Man is saying.

I don't let anyone unload their drama on me. I'll listen to a couple of stories from my real friends but, for the most part, I'm not the one to call if you have constant and ongoing stress in your life. I like to have peace so my small group of friends know that they need to have more good than bad stuff to share with me (on a constant basis) or I will mysteriously be unavailable whenever they call.

[thesweetestone]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I feel what Rain Man is saying.

I don't let anyone unload their drama on me. I'll listen to a couple of stories from my real friends but, for the most part, I'm not the one to call if you have constant and ongoing stress in your life. I like to have peace so my small group of friends know that they need to have more good than bad stuff to share with me (on a constant basis) or I will mysteriously be unavailable whenever they call.

I agree with with Rain Man and you. Letting others unload all their crap on you will drive you CRAZY.

[PositivelyAKA]

yes you can be just friends, if neither is attracted to the other. but most of the time somebody wants to be more than just friends and will go along with the "friendship title" until they either get what they want or give up and move from the "friendship

[enigma_AKA]

Originally posted by Rain Man


And I speak from years of experience on this one, so trust me.

LOL. Too easy, coming from a man.

enigma_AKA