im at a loss

PureGoldF2K1 · #1 10-04-2005, 02:37 PM

I need some advice. My younger sister is a new member of another NPC sorority at different school from me. She is being hazed horribly. She is terrified to keep pledging and she is terrified to quit because of what has happened to others who have quit. The things these girls are doing are so appalling, it almost hurts me to know my sister is going through this and it is a 24/7 ordeal. I contacted their national headquarters, spoke to a couple of people and then put everything in writing that my sister told me they were doing. I stressed that this is going on EVERY MINUTE of the day and something needs to be done immediately, but so far nothing has been. Its been a few days, so I don't know if I should give it a couple days before getting really angry that nothing has been done. My sister calls or texts me every few hours to see if I know anything new, she is so depressed and scared. I am almost tempted to go on this sorority's message board here and ask for help, but I don't know if that's uncalled for.

Any thoughts????

winneythepooh7 · #2 10-04-2005, 05:57 PM

Hey, sorry she is going through this. My advice is to PM some of the members of that sorority on here. Maybe they can be of some assistance.

Xylochick216 · #3 10-04-2005, 06:31 PM

Has your sister contacted nationals? They'd probably expediate the process if she personally called rather than someone calling for her. I hope things get resolved soon

I'm so sorry this is happening.

#4 10-04-2005, 06:42 PM

I would avoid seeking help from their GC members. You've already contacted their nationals, so unless someone GC sits on nationals, then they won't be of much help. Plus, you want to keep it as private as possible to protect her identity.

I would also try as hard as possible to have her GET OUT and have her contact the appropriate authorities as well -- nationals, the university, even the police -- because it sounds like she's in danger if she's depressed and scared all the time.

I know she's terrified, but progress might be made if she contacted them herself.

tunatartare · #5 10-04-2005, 07:03 PM

I'm sorry that your sister is being hazed. If the sorority's nationals have been contacted about this, the next step would be to go to the school with proof that hazing is going on. One thing that struck out at me in your post is that you said she's terrified to drop because of what has happened to others that have quit. What does that mean?

Peaches-n-Cream · #6 10-04-2005, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OTW
I would avoid seeking help from their GC members. You've already contacted their nationals, so unless someone GC sits on nationals, then they won't be of much help. Plus, you want to keep it as private as possible to protect her identity.

I would also try as hard as possible to have her GET OUT and have her contact the appropriate authorities as well -- nationals, the university, even the police -- because it sounds like she's in danger if she's depressed and scared all the time.

I know she's terrified, but progress might be made if she contacted them herself.

I agree. I started to post something, but I thought that I might be overreacting. Here it is:

What would you advise your sister to do if this didn't involve pledging a sorority?

If she were my sister or daughter, I would encourage her to quit. If she fears she is in danger of physical harm or harassment, I would report this hazing to the head of greek affairs or whatever they call it, the dean, security at her school, and the local police. Continue to contact the NPC's HQ since this situation seems dangerous.

New thoughts: I also think the members of this NPC on GC probably won't be able to help. Deal with the HQ, not GC. Make phone calls, but follow up with letters and email so there is a paper trail. Go straight to the top, not an assistant since this is so important.

I hope that your sister feels better. This situation sounds very frightening.

winneythepooh7 · #7 10-04-2005, 07:29 PM

Yeah, I guess I was having a premature reaction too, because I know that a lot of members of GC have close ties to their headquarters. If she didn't reveal what chapter, cool, but it still would open up a can of worms possibly. Peaches, you may need to add in on this, but when we sat in at the session on what a hazing investigation for DPhiE entails last winter, I pretty much recall them saying that they need as much concrete information as possible, and if the person is not willing to give them their identity, that is not real helpful. I think that a lot of good may possibly come out of it if your sister is willing to come forward to the headquarters. I don't know the situation obviously, and this is just an assumption as well, but possibly not all members are in on it/in agreement with the hazing. But for her own safety she needs to get out of this now. Also, if she stays in this group, becomes a sister, and then someone next semester reports them, she could get into trouble too. I don't know. These really aren't the important details to worry about now, she needs to worry about her safety, that can't be stressed enough.......I don't know how other organizations work but from what I recall from the hazing session we were at, if there is concrete evidence of hazing going on, I think our headquarters sends in sisters to investigate within 48 hours.

#8 10-04-2005, 07:42 PM

Also, many states have anti-hazing laws. Do you know if hers is included in this?

PureGoldF2K1 · #9 10-04-2005, 10:59 PM

First of all, I really want to thank you all for the replies and serious thoughts and help. I really am going crazy 5 hours away from her with her sending me "Help!" every day. Calling the police would be futile because there has been no physical abuse, just bruises from kneeling apparently. Not only has it been terrible psychological abuse though, the pledge class is in danger of failing out of school and going completely broke as well. I asked if she could please just quit and put it behind her, but the environment on the campus is very hostile to those who depledge. Almost everyone who does this ends up transferring schools within a month.

I've decided to just be the squeaky wheel for now. I'm going to call the woman I talked to every morning until I hear from my sister that something is happening. It was the request of their national HQ that I not reveal my sister's name, to protect her. My only fear is that every organization doesn't take hazing as seriously as DPhiE does. I'm sure they all do, but I just don't know. What I want is for them to get to that house NOW and talk to that president and those new member educators! Sorry I'm rambling now, but I'm worried sick and so angry that anyone would want to behave like these girls are.

I am not going to go to this organization's message boards, that was just a thought in case I really couldn't get through to nationals, but I'm sure its just going to take a couple days.

Peaches-n-Cream · #10 10-04-2005, 11:11 PM

Have you contacted DPhiE headquarters and asked for their advice? Maybe they can work as some sort of liaison between you and the unnamed HQ. All NPCs take hazing seriously. We all need to work together to eliminate it.

I still think that you should contact her college's greek life people and report this situation.

#11 10-05-2005, 12:08 AM

i think it is an emotional time of the month for me

but your story is really making me cry. it freaks me out that someone would make your sister feel this way. it would kill me to get "help" text messages and all i would want to do is leave to protect her.

she really needs to get out of her situation, no matter the cost. there are many resources for help like everyone else has mentioned.

i hope everything turns out ok! u and your sister are in my thoughts.

kddani · #12 10-05-2005, 06:13 AM

You can still go to the police even if there isn't physical abuse. Most hazing statutes cover psychological as well. If anything, the cops may look into it quicker and it'll scare the chapter members.

Have you contacted the school itself? They certainly don't need the bad press involving a major hazing incident, i'm sure

ZTAngel · #13 10-05-2005, 08:14 AM

I would contact the NPC Nationals again and see where they're at. It may take a while for any action to take place. They have to investigate it and make sure that your story is correct which means that they may have to talk to all the other pledges (who might not cooperate out of fear).

I'm just appalled that a National sorority would be involved in this. It's too risky and jeopardizes the sorority as a whole.

tunatartare · #14 10-05-2005, 11:12 AM

I'd hate to play the devil's advocate here, but if the campus is very hostile to those who depledge, then calling the police would not be a good idea. If it were found out that her sister was the one who called, she could take a lot of shit for that both from the sisters in the sorority as well as the rest of campus. Honestly, I my advice would be to harass the sorority's nationals and making sure it gets through to them. If anything, see if it's possible for your sister to wear a tape recorder to an event or something and record the things that they say to her and the rest of the new member class. Hearing it in person would probably get nationals more involved in doing something about it.

33girl · #15 10-05-2005, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KLPDaisy
I'd hate to play the devil's advocate here, but if the campus is very hostile to those who depledge, then calling the police would not be a good idea. If it were found out that her sister was the one who called, she could take a lot of shit for that both from the sisters in the sorority as well as the rest of campus.

Not only that, it could start a feud between the chapter your sister is pledging and the D Phi E chapter on that campus (if there is one) if it's found out you're a D Phi E.