Propose or not?

[MIDWESTDIVA]

aRHOgance's question has made me think......

How do you all feel about popping the question?

Halle Berry did it. But things didn't work out too well for her and David.

I'm liberated and all but, I don't think so.

[This message has been edited by MIDWESTDIVA (edited July 23, 2001).]

[TRSimon]

I think it's okay for other people to do it, but I just could not see myself doing it. It must be my Southern upbringing or something. I just believe a man needs to be a man at some point in the relationship.

[aRHOgance]

My mother always told me that if I ever proposed to a man, she would slap me silly. I myself could and would not EVER propose. I can do the whole "I love you" thing first, but like TRSimon said, a man has got to be a man at some pont. I mean, if you feel like you're approaching that point in the relationship, he should definitely propose to you.

[blu_theatrics]

I am completely old-fashioned there....I will drop you a few hints,(bridal magazines, jewlry store shoppiong...etc.)

But yo have to do the asking

[Queencece]

Originally posted by blu_theatrics:
I am completely old-fashioned there....I will drop you a few hints,(bridal magazines, jewlry store shopping...etc.)

But yo have to do the asking

Girl...i know what you mean..i am old- fashioned too!

[Chi_ZETABBW]

A closed mouth never gets fed!
Seriously, I would if I knew he would accept.

[blu_theatrics]

Originally posted by Chi_ZETABBW:
A closed mouth never gets fed!
Seriously, I would if I knew he would accept.

But if you know he would say yes...what is holding him back from asking you?

I don't know, I just feel that a man should lead when you slow dance, should pay for the first date and should propose to you.....and to go a step further he should be finacially stable enough for me to be able to stay at home with the kids if I want....but like I said I'm a bit old-fashioned.....and i know I have probably started something by my last comment...but that's just how i feel.

[TRSimon]

Originally posted by Chi_ZETABBW:
A closed mouth never gets fed!

That might be true sometimes, but there is great wisdom in knowing when to speak and when to be silent. If you have your mouth hangin' open, yelling for food all the time, something bad could fly in (Halle Berry opened her mouth, and you see what that got her- David Justice and all if his issues)...

That being said, I know that we are supposed to be in a modern age and all, but I agree 1922000% with what Blu_theatrics said. Men are always yammering about how they are supposed to be the head of the household. I have no problem with that. It takes RESPONSIBILITY and STABILITY to be the head of the house. Financial stability and responsibility are included.

If a man is going to lead my household, the least he can do is express his intentions where a permanent arrangement is concerned.

Like I said before, I guess it's okay for others, but not for me.

[SweetestDiva]

I couldn't do it. I have trouble even asking a guy out.. I'm just not that fond of rejection. I think marriage is a bigger step for a man than a woman (being that we are mentally planning for that day our entire lives, basically), and I wouldn't want to make him feel like I was pressuring him into something he isn't ready for.

But like everybody else was saying.. shyyyyt, let that man be a man! Just like I have a vision of my wedding, I have a mental picture of the proposal.. and it's him on one knee - not me.

[BlueReign]

I feel like this -- let a man be a man. Don't take that away from him.

[Shelacious]

Originally posted by SweetestDiva:
I have a mental picture of the proposal.. and it's him on one knee - not me.

LOL@SweetestDiva! That's true though. Let him ask...it's the least he can do...

but DO NOT provide me an engagement ring without my input...the dozen flowers (I prefer tulips, bulb based flowers and gerbera daisys to roses, but that's just me) and a simple piece of jewelery (a braclet, earrings, necklace) to commerate the proposal will be just fine. Let me pick the ring, cause I already know what I want .



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Finer Womanhood: the "Cat's Meow" Since 1920

[Icebergslim tha 4]

I would definately have to disagree with letting my future wife pick out the ring. To me, the ring is a symbol of my commitment, love, and what would be an undying trust within our relationship. After all, I am asking YOU! (This is what I have! WILL YOU BE MY WIFE?) The question within itself should back up the meaning of the ring.
By saying that, the relationship should be at the point of security that when he does propose, the ring should make you feel like you are wearing the Hope diamond :-) I feel that picking the ring out before the question, or after, takes away the passion from the man, and yourself for that matter. Let him show you how he feels with what HE has picked out.

[dzdst796]

Originally Posted by Icebergslim tha 4

I would definately have to disagree with letting my future wife pick out the ring. To me, the ring is a symbol of my commitment, love, and what would be an undying trust within our relationship. After all, I am asking YOU! (This is what I have! WILL YOU BE MY WIFE?) The question within itself should back up the meaning of the ring.
By saying that, the relationship should be at the point of security that when he does propose, the ring should make you feel like you are wearing the Hope diamond :-) I feel that picking the ring out before the question, or after, takes away the passion from the man, and yourself for that matter. Let him show you how he feels with what HE has picked out.

My husband did all the ring shopping and diamond research without any input from me. All I told him was that I didn't want something gaudy. I want something tasteful and beautiful that fit my hands. ( Not everyone can wear big rings). I was ecstatic when I got my engagement ring which is shaped like a pear which is the shape of his birth mark( I know TMI) just wanted to share. I would not have wanted it any other way.

[SummerChild]

Interesting question.

I guess I would vote for waiting for the man to ask the woman. One practical benefit that was pointed out that I agree with is then you know that he's ready. We all know that marriage is a big commitment for each party and for a man, he has to be ready to take on the responsibility as head of the household for a family. For that reason alone, I can't see asking him b/c how am I going to ask him to take on all that? I say he has to be ready and when he is, I think that most men will ask. Now I also feel like sometimes the women have to let them know that they are not going to be around forever and that the man needs to move it along if marriage is his intention, but I say let the man make that step. It's just the first in many that he must make to lead a family. If I can't count on him to take that initiative and trust that he will, then why would I count on him to take initiative for leading the household on a daily basis. But again, I think there's nothing wrong with a woman bringing up the conversation about what direction they are together and individually headed in.

[TonyB06]

Interesting thread, ladies.

I think I'd feel weird if a woman ever proposed to me. Not that it couldn't happen, but I think I'm too much of a traditionalist to let it go down that way.

As to "pressure" I think I agree with Summerchild, but subtlety is key. I think if it's a good relationship you know after a reasonable amount of time (I define "time" not by a calendar but by the level of spiritual commitment and range/depth of experiences you've shared together) whether she's the one you want to walk into the future with.

If I had to get "nudged" at all, I'd rather it be gentle rather, than overt. It still has to feel like it's my call on that level. ...because it is.